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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would you give this guy another chance?

106 replies

superstarheartbreaker · 04/10/2014 14:17

I've arranged a date with a guy I met online. He works for the mod as a bomb disposal expert and has one of those jobs where he can't tell anyone where he's going. It sounds exciting but there are draw-backs.
We arranged a date for Friday night a week ago. He then told me he would have to postpone for two weeks but we could possibly meet today. Yesterday all seemed positive for today then he texted me today and was very apologetic but he had been called into work and we could go out when he returns in two weeks. ( abroad on some kind of mission)
If he didn't have this type of job I would tell him to get lost but we talked for over an hour on the phone and we seem to really get on.

I just feel deflated as I was looking foward to meeting him.

OP posts:
KouignAmann · 04/10/2014 18:05

I met a guy online who said he was on deployment in Afghanistan with special forces. We chatted for weeks until he came home and we could meet. It was all true but sadly he was festooned in red flags and far too pleased with himself. Even if it is all true OP his lifestyle would make him a difficult person to go out with.

boatsboatsboats · 04/10/2014 18:11

If this man is really who he says he is, expect him to be very angry that you have posted this online. People with this sort of job, actively avoid indiscrete people or people who extensively post on social media etc.

It is very very hard to date in this kind of job. Did he put pictures up online? It would be usual to do that if he is doing the kind of job he says he does.

If you want to date this kind of a person you will need to be aware that:

  • they will need you to be careful about what you put online too
  • they will actively not want you to put pictures of children/ them online
  • they will not tell you much, if anything, about their job.
  • they will seem excessively private - this is what makes relationships hard
  • they may not even be on the electoral roll, you can go on it anonymously for this sort of job

I agree with MN that he is either a) married or b) really doing this kind of job. Either way you need to assess whether this sort of relationship is right for you.

I wouldn't choose a life with someone with that sort of job to be honest, but at the same time it is this sort of person who is keeping our country/ world going so they deserve our utmost respect.

Cantbelievethisishappening · 04/10/2014 18:59

If this man is really who he says he is, expect him to be very angry that you have posted this online. People with this sort of job, actively avoid indiscrete people or people who extensively post on social media etc.

Ha ha ha ha..... what utter bullshit.

BeeVic · 04/10/2014 19:02

Married and probably psychotic - sorry x

Cantbelievethisishappening · 04/10/2014 19:04

It is very very hard to date in this kind of job

Er.... no it isn't.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 04/10/2014 19:19

People with this sort of job, actively avoid indiscrete people or people who extensively post on social media etc

He would avoid indiscreet people? Hell, he's told the OP, a virtual stranger on the net, what he supposedly does for a living. He is about as indiscreet as they come.

He's like the numpty in True Lies that puts the mysterious suitcase down by Jamie Lee Curtis's character to lure her into an affair by pretending to be a spy. Utter tosh.

Joysmum · 04/10/2014 19:26

Whether I believed him of not, I'd not chose to be with somebody who can't be seen for weeks at a time.

There's no future in it due to infrequency, not only the unpredictability.

It's a no from me I'm afraid.

meoverhere · 04/10/2014 19:34

What area of the uk are you/he in?

The MOD guys who do this type of work all mainly work in one place.... Oh, and they're (civilian) scientists. According to Forces DH who I've just asked...

Original poster
superstarheartbreaker · 04/10/2014 21:48

I've googled where he lives. Top secret according to Wikipedia and has been for a while... Just down the road from where he lives. Not sure it's a line tbh. This place has history.

OP posts:
Original poster
superstarheartbreaker · 04/10/2014 21:48

Where he works even.

OP posts:
PamDooveOrangeJoof · 04/10/2014 22:35

I'm not sure why you posted as you seem determined to believe him - despite everyone screaming to run for the hills.
Good luck.

Masterbuilders · 04/10/2014 23:16

Top secret according to wiki, mega lols!

Boats is actually right. My husband is dead strict about linking me and the kids to him as it could make us targets. Ohh he's not SAS.

I do know though that SAS keep their mouths zipped and people who deploy with them bang on about SAS and how they are part of it all. These are probably the people some are talking about. The waltz around like the bees knees. The real deal keep their heads down.

When on holiday and we get nattering to people, my husband never reveals his exact job.

Our relationship is fine, we grew into it and things like affairs are really badly frowned upon as it'so a blackmail risk.

This guy is full of shit, as are every one who tells their job upfront to strangers.

WildBillfemale · 04/10/2014 23:59

I've googled where he lives. Top secret according to Wikipedia and has been for a while

Not so 'Top secret' that he told you - a stranger off the internet.

You are starting to look dopey OP

mymummademelistentoshitmusic · 05/10/2014 00:11

Ok, I'll say it. Oh ffs you dim bint. Yes, he's told you a top secret place he works. If I told you I was a senior adviser to her maj and lived at buck house would you be waving the flags and buying garden party hats?
Btw, op, you have won the Nigerian lottery and your bomb guy probably wouldn't, given the chance, come in your mouth.
please, MN, can we have a grip emoticon?

LucyLemonade · 05/10/2014 00:12

You are being rather silly over this, I think, OP.

MsFanackerPants · 05/10/2014 00:53

Does he live in or near Didcot? Because just living in Didcot doesn't make somebody part of the "bomb squad". At most I'd guess this chap is part of the RLC but not bomb disposal.
His um .."path" to being bomb disposal doesn't sound the most realistic/likely either.

I once met a guy when I was online dating who claed to be an aircrew officer in the RN. Total rubbish. But he did live close to a navigation base. He was married but also manged to ring me for lengthy calls. Turned out he worked night shifts and would slope off and call me then. Called Stephen, originally from Manchester.

mimishimmi · 05/10/2014 02:34

Hmmm. I think you're being conned too. In the unlikely event that he is telling the truth though, I'd be more concerned about the top secret job he's supposed to do in the next couple of weeks and why that level of secrecy... most people with that sort of job do tell you generally where they'll be heading off to (eg Iraq, Afghanistan). In this case it sounds like something pre-planned and within a Western country... bit of a worry..

sykadelic · 05/10/2014 05:34

Oh OP, I'm sorry but I'm with everyone else. No way.

However if you want to believe him, why don't you pop by "his" house while he says he's away?

figgieroll · 05/10/2014 05:50

Is he on Facebook?

meoverhere · 05/10/2014 09:26

I'm not sure why you posted as you seem determined to believe him - despite everyone screaming to run for the hills.
Good luck.

This. (And I say this as the DW of someone who works in the Forces in an area that some see as very 'glamorous' ha ha and who could easily have used it as a pulling tactic - but never did)

And I bet he doesn't live in Didcot, right, OP? Would be interested to know where he does live.

Anyway... Let's for a second give him the benefit of the doubt. Your question was, would you give him another chance? Most people on this thread say 'no', but obviously that doesn't mean you don't want to. So, it comes down to two things. Do you believe him? If yes, then can you envisage a relationship with someone who deploys at very short notice and will have to cancel plans regularly.

If you're doubtful, Just ask him to prove what he does. Shouldn't be hard. He will have some form of official ID. If he's genuine, he won't mind. DH wouldn't have if I'd called 'bullshit' on him in the early days. He'd have understood entirely.

magoria · 05/10/2014 09:40

He lives close to a top secret place and spilked that he is a super secret bomb disposal person to someone he has never ever met and has known for how long over the internet.

Do you know HOW much trouble someone would be in hinting this much? I know a lowly admin assistant who made up loads of shit about their role. Unfortunately they boasted to the wrong person and were suspended while a complete investigation took part.

They certainly wouldn't retain their super secret to everyone but some stranger on a dating site job very long.

Wake up and smell the coffee.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/10/2014 09:44

Hills are that way ->. As if wiki can be at all relied upon for any degree of accuracy.

Honestly, love your own self for a change and give yourself a break from online dating till you can properly sort the wheat from the chaff. This man is chaff and likely married as well.

Castlemilk · 05/10/2014 09:48

Oh OP fine then, go out with him.

Just keep updating us (because it will be fun) and don't take any of it seriously.

coalscuttle · 05/10/2014 09:50

It's not been called bomb disposal fur dome time anyway! It's EOD. Neuther is it a mission! Lol! I was an army wife fir ten years up yo last year, married yo someone in the intelligence arena . You'd be amazed at hiw much they can tell you. Anyone who has a position where they really can't tell you stuff wouldn't even tell you what they do. I don't even think he's married, his jargon is all wrong. My money us on a fantasist.

coalscuttle · 05/10/2014 09:51

If not in didcot are you in Essex?