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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Would you give this guy another chance?

106 replies

superstarheartbreaker · 04/10/2014 14:17

I've arranged a date with a guy I met online. He works for the mod as a bomb disposal expert and has one of those jobs where he can't tell anyone where he's going. It sounds exciting but there are draw-backs.
We arranged a date for Friday night a week ago. He then told me he would have to postpone for two weeks but we could possibly meet today. Yesterday all seemed positive for today then he texted me today and was very apologetic but he had been called into work and we could go out when he returns in two weeks. ( abroad on some kind of mission)
If he didn't have this type of job I would tell him to get lost but we talked for over an hour on the phone and we seem to really get on.

I just feel deflated as I was looking foward to meeting him.

OP posts:

Masterbuilders · 04/10/2014 14:43

Or a married ordinary squaddie who's beefed himself up and is looking to pass away unaccompanied nights. So weekends will be "difficult".

MrsWedgeAntilles · 04/10/2014 14:45

I think, statistically speaking there are a lot more people talking rubbish about being secret bomb disposal agents than there are people who are bomb disposal agents, although like Shatter says I suppose someone must really be doing the job.

However, the bit that really makes me think he isn't on the level is he arranged to meet you 1 week ago, canceled, said he see you in a fortnight, made an other arrangement for this week and once again canceled and put you off for an other two weeks - that seems a bit dodgy to me.

Rollercola · 04/10/2014 14:53

It's not his job that's stopping him from seeing you it's his wife & kids. Forget him, he's a married wanker that's a bit 'bored' with his life so he's invented a job to impress the ladies in the hope that he'll find himself a bit on the side to liven things up.

When they (you) question why he can't see them his exciting secret job will be the perfect excuse when in actual fact it'll be because he's got to take his son swimming or go to his wife's brother's birthday do.

Head for the hills & find a nice normal (single) guy instead.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 04/10/2014 14:58

Alarm bells were ringing by the time I got to the end of your second sentence.

Married or fantasist sprang to mind, in that order.

Nomama · 04/10/2014 15:11

Ah! I know a bomb disposal bod. He is just another officer. He is a highly trained specialist, but no cloak and dagger. He travels with is unit. He does not get flown in from afar - well, he does, but only if he is deployed anyway.

He is 'one of the few' but he does not work how your new man describes. He doesn't sit in the UK and wait to be flown out to a hot spot. There are some who do, they work out of Hereford!! They are covert specialists on rotation and would not be able to utter a word!

So maybe you need to reconsider...

Botanicbaby · 04/10/2014 15:12

Totally wouldn't believe a word of it. Absolute fantasy, laughable and not exactly original either. If he REALLY had a secret mission preventing him from dating, he wouldn't announce it to a stranger online. That's something you'd disclose later down the line if it were true. He must think people are stupid!

Anyway, am I the only one who thinks cleaning IS a 'proper' job. We'd be lost without them far more than any self-important desk bound pen pusher

Mammanat222 · 04/10/2014 15:23

If you have a job that is so secretive people aren't allowed to know where you are then you don't announce that online?

Sorry but not only is he probably married he is a complete fantasist as well.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/10/2014 15:24

Cleaners do an important job but they don't tend to get deployed on secret missions overseas at a moment's notice for two weeks at a time.....

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 04/10/2014 15:24

I'll give five out of ten for not choosing to be in the SAS

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 04/10/2014 15:24

Have you watched True Lies?

alphabook · 04/10/2014 15:24

I know a policeman who describes himself as a civil servant on Facebook, let alone online dating. I can imagine a real bomb disposal expert on secret missions would be far more discreet.

Smilesandpiles · 04/10/2014 15:27

This bullshitter is leading you up the garden path.

Put this down as a learning curve - it will serve you well for next time.

LEMmingaround · 04/10/2014 15:27

Did he say if he tells you about his "mission"he would have to kill you?

mymummademelistentoshitmusic · 04/10/2014 15:36

Was going to post EXACTLY what Nomama said.
Exh was forces, still have friends in, one working with dismissal types, also, by chance, friend of oldest school does actually do that job.
No way does he get flown to places in those circa he's described.
I call Billy Bullshitter.

mymummademelistentoshitmusic · 04/10/2014 15:39

One working with disposal types, not dismissal types!!!!!

Fmlgirl · 04/10/2014 15:40

I also think he is married

Botanicbaby · 04/10/2014 15:48

Yes of course Cogito, I realise that.

My remark about cleaners was after reading Bitter's post at 14:34 about 'cleaners being around people with proper jobs'.

Branleuse · 04/10/2014 15:49

im sorry honey, even if hes not talking bullshit, which he is, Hes still not reliable enough to keep to dates, which would get annoying very very quickly, but as i said, hes bullshitting you, blatantly. Youre cleverer than this.

BookABooSue · 04/10/2014 15:56

Email him back saying he's inspired you to join the secret service and as such your secret postings may clash so you can't see him again.

It's a shame you feel deflated but look on the bright side, at least you're not going to waste any more weekends waiting for him to cancel at the last minute.

Castlemilk · 04/10/2014 15:59

Married, and the only bomb that will go off within several hundred yards of this chap will be the one which detonates when his wife finds out.

Sorry OP.

WildBillfemale · 04/10/2014 15:59

*Ah! I know a bomb disposal bod. He is just another officer. He is a highly trained specialist, but no cloak and dagger. He travels with is unit. He does not get flown in from afar - well, he does, but only if he is deployed anyway.

So maybe you need to reconsider...*

ha ha quite!

This times a 100 - tell him if he's going to try and impress women he meets online with covert job lies then to do a bit of research and get his facts right.

Incidentally his 2 week mission is quite possibly a fortnights holiday quite possibly not alone...........

TonyThePony · 04/10/2014 16:00

I feel a bit sorry for all the real MOD workers... They'll never get dates!

I definitely wouldn't believe him either. I struggle to believe the doctors, policemen and lawyers. I may have issues though.

CountYourEyelashes · 04/10/2014 16:06

I think you count yourself lucky you haven't invested too much time and energy in this man, chalk it down to experience and move on.

As for I just wonder how he'd get away with an hour long call if married

Just have a browse through the Relationships board. There are many, many tactics.

Original poster

superstarheartbreaker · 04/10/2014 16:07

He didn't say mission. I said it. What his words were he's going to be deployed for two weeks as from today and he had to cancel as he'd been recalled to work. He studied biochemistry at uni and specialises in chemical weapons and with all that's going down in the world right now I'm keeping an open mind! so you know what... Part of me does believe him! He was in the navy for 7 years.

My friends dad was in the Navy and he was often sworn to secrecy about his work. In the same vein I'd be entirely confidential about my students even with my dp.

Ok he might be lying but the fantasist in me wants to believe him and it makes a good story!

OP posts:

Smilesandpiles · 04/10/2014 16:09

If you still believe this shit then there is no hope for you.

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