Hiya, I've name changed for this but a regular poster.
To get to the long and short of it me and my dp have been together three years now (yesterday was our anniversary actually). Normally a loving but strange relationship.
Not to drip feed, he was married and has a ds, but hasn't been with his ex in four years however they still live together, he says he can't bear to be away from his son and that his ex has stopped contact when he did move out after we first got together. I've never met his ds though he has obviously met my dc. He's also never spent the night (which we have argued about a lot).
Thing is I trust him, or did, for a long time. He saved me from an extremely abusive relationship, he's taken care of me and my dc, he's been there when my whole world has fallen apart and generally just been a normal loving partner if you put aside the fact that he doesn't include me in his life. I've never met his family, friends and we never go out as a couple (tbf I don't have any child care and we've both been having money problems until recently).
But a conversation we had yesterday has suddenly turned everything upside down and I'm beginning to seriously question if he is who he says he is at all, and if I'm just his bit on the side.
I asked him about children, said that I was worried my contraception had failed cause I was feeling out of sorts and a bit sick recently. His reply was "I don't want it, I'm not having some kid come looking for me in 18 years and ruining my relationship with my son." I asked him what he meant since he said he wasn't going to be living with her forever, only while his son was still young and until they got their finances sorted out, which would be about now anyway. He wouldn't give me a straight answer, we had a massive argument about if he was still with his ex or not and he kept telling me he wasn't, that I was paranoid and walked out.
But I'm not so certain anymore. He said his wife still wears her wedding rings when they go somewhere together and meet family to stop awkward questions, so far as his family and hers are concerned they're still together (though I didn't know that til last night.)
I've been taken for a mug haven't I? If I'd known he was still in a relationship and not getting divorced like he told me I never would have gotten with him, I would never want to be a home wrecker nor put another woman through the pain of that.
I just don't know what to do. On one hand I want to believe him so badly, but on the other I feel like I shouldn't, because in all my naivety I feel an overwhelming guilt that I may have been allowing another woman's partner to cheat on her with me. And being brutally honest, not knowing shouldn't be an excuse, I sshouldn't have been so stupid or ignorant.
But could he be telling the truth? Maybe he really is separated from her? Or am I just the world biggest idiot who fell for the man who saved me and ignored the fact that he may still be in a relationship?
What do I do?