Dh lied about work trip

[Greenshieldstamps]

Background: We've been together for 10 years, married for 8, two dc at infant school. I have been a sahm on and off for the past 6 years but now work part time.

About 2 years ago DH got a new job and within a few months it was clear he hated it. He is travelling more and is under a lot of pressure. He has been quite withdrawn and stressed over the last few months.

He is rolling out a new IT format for a client and will be away for two weeks. It has been the subject of much stress and discussion as he is the only one available to do the training.

Last night he woke me up at 2am to say he couldn't sleep and that he had to tell me that he had lied to me and was actually going with a new female colleague. He says he did not tell me as he knew I would not like it. I have never been a jealous or suspicious type so this is total rubbish to me. I was joking with him on Sunday as he wouldn't come out with me and the dc as he wanted to de- fuzz and I had asked if he was going to be doing the presentation naked as he was making such a fuss about getting it done.

I am so confused.

I don't know if you want to take him up on his offer, but just in case - if it's MSN Messenger that he's been using to talk to her, then this might help. It's been a year or so since I used it, but I don't think it'll have changed much. It only ever used to be possible to wipe either all of your conversational history, or all of a particular contact. So if you look at his chat logs with her, and he's wiped them, they'll be nothing from before he wiped them, even if you know he was talking to her. If there is older chat logs, you've got the full conversation.

The caveat to that, of course, is that you can turn on and off chat recording, so if the conversation got raunchy he could easily turn off recording and restart it afterwards. On most set-ups this shows as - chat made private by xx - in the log, but it's possible to change the message or turn it off.

I'm glad that it doesn't seem that anything had happened, though. I expect that he was thinking about it/planning/worrying about his own self-control, and that's why he burdened you with it.

I hope it's smooth sailing from now on.

MSN Messenger hasn't existed for some time.
About 18 months I think.
Is it skype?
I'm not sure you can delete skype conversations.

He had nothing to confess

People will only admit to what they know you can prove.

I hope there's nothing more to it and you are doing the right thing getting all of your paperwork sorted - everyone should do that, irrespective of whether their partner is suspected of cheating or not.

I still think there's more to it than he's telling you. It's not 'normal' to wake someone at 2am to confess/reassure them/sort things out unless it's really, really serious. It could have waited until a reasonable hour or even until he was there... I wouldn't be sitting back thinking this is all ok.

MSN can be used up until October - it closes for good then. I just tested my log in to make sure. It's nostalgic!

Well, it's some sort of instant messenger. I plan to grill him again on Friday when I can see his reactions face to face. Until then all will be good on the telephone. I now know what his face does when he lies. He is a shit actor.

My friends DH worked in another city for a couple of years, leaving her to look after the kids and house whilst working full time. It was a good job financially and they didn't want to move, so she 'did her bit' to make it work to benefit them all. His work booked and paid for a hotel for every one of those weeks, he checked in and out, brought home toiletries, complained about staying in the hotel.... he was having an affair for at least 16 months of the two years. Mostly he'd stay at hers but they also stayed there some nights.

The IM things, it could be something as simple as him chatting to a mate & him not wanting you to see him 'skiving' when he's claiming to be working.

I just think the whole thing adds up to more, but hopefully you'll be more certain one way or the other come next weekend.

But just do please be careful about placing too much weight on him being a shit actor - if something has happened/he wanted something to happen, you had no idea until he woke you up, so he might be a better actor than you think.

FWIW it reads to me like he was telling you the truth last night, and he's been stupid rather than a bastard, but what do I know.

Lots of people think they'll be able to tell when their partner is lying , and many are wrong. He knew for some time he was going away with this woman and you said yourself you had no idea until he told you. This shows he can lie and that you don't pick up on it.

Some pc's can be accessed from a different place . I would still verify things like the pc , phone bills and bank statements independently while he is away. Did he explain who he was talking to on line and why he had hidden it from you ?