neil I think I can see what you mean. And you might have a point...
Startin where to start... My parents didn't have a great relationship. They were very different people. My mother likes to be the centre of attention and for all eyes to be on her. My dad was quiet, a bit of a homebody and, probably, a little boring. I certainly would find it frustrating being married to someone like him. I suspect my mother felt similarly to me. But not the same and it certainly manifested differently. She was supremely confident. She believed that she was competent, attractive, desirable. When single, she flirted with every man (of all ages) and believed they were genuinely interested in her. My parents separated when I was in my late teens. They didn't really argue but they weren't happy. My mother treated him, like she treated me, as a complete idiot. My dad was physically abusive towards me. He apologised when I was in my 20s and the bottom line was, he hit me when I angered him (which was pretty much all the time) because he was already wound up by my mother and couldn't hit her. It was a perfect example of the bullied becoming the bully when they meet someone weaker.
Part of my problem is that my mother always compared me negatively to her. She was slim, later apple shaped, I'm more of an hourglassy pear shape. Her shape was right, mine was wrong. I was slim but very curvy in my teens/early 20s (34-24-36). I have small feet and slim ankles and wrists. I can see written down that that doesn't sound unappealing, but it was always, "your waist is small, it makes your hips look bigger" and "your feet are too small, they make you look out of proportion". Her legs were long and slim - mine are more 'shapely' (my thighs are fatter), as I was often reminded, and the boob comparisons..! Well she even allowed/encouraged her boyfriend to make comparisons when I was late teens/early twenties.
Just remembered a time when I was 25 and we were out together. A man who was similar in style to me (quite alternative) did a bit of a double take. Cue my mother, "did you see him looking at me?" etc etc. When I pointed out that he might have been looking at me - a similarly aged women, with a similar style - she looked at me and sneered, "you? Why would he have been looking at you? " It was that kind of constant negative commentary that just destroyed me.
Thinking back to a previous question, I don't really think I'm scared of anything. I'm ashamed and embarrassed of being the shape I am and of looking like I do. Which is why it's always been the same. Fat or thin, young or old, I am the shape I am and my face is what it is. And she made me feel ashamed of myself. I think that has a lot to do with me not believing anyone would be interested. Because I am, fundamentally, unattractive. I felt guilty when I had my most recent bf because I felt he deserved better than me. I have no idea how he really felt about me. I don't understand how anyone could look at me and fancy me, so I always see it as a negative thing or disbelieve it.
I did have counselling. It had to stop when I got a new full time job.
Batshit It is horrible. I do know what you mean, but I would have to have work agree to me having time off and I don't think they would. Oh and thanks for the hug 
temporary what you say makes a lot of sense. I suppose, to use your description, my fear is that my faults are not things that I can expect someone else to live with because my parents couldn't. I suppose then, I think that if I was beautiful, then at least I'd have that, if nothing else. I don't feel like I've got anything that would keep someone interested. Hence, being good for just one kiss.