Mortified. It MUST have been him that downloaded swingers app!

[Seishan]

Yesterday I'm flicking through the iPad and notice an app on there called chance mingle. I clicked on it and it is as dodgy as it sounds, it's a swingers app. So my immediate thought is "dp wouldn't be stupid enough to download such a thing and leave it there!! Naughty ds has been messing on the iPad!". I went down to DP and told him what "ds had done". He reacted in a dry, weak voice saying " you're joking ... " and in hindsight, it was the voice of a man thinking "shit!".
Now, I didn't really think much of it ... But I've just been laid awake and it suddenly came to me "hang on, you need the password to download apps ... Ds doesn't know the password. I have trouble putting it in right half the time ... Does this mean it MUST have been DP?? I've looked on it and it seems to be set to our home city but I can't log in, no username or password has been saved.

Now for a bit of background info ... 3 years ago dp was found out on casual sex sites and chat sites. He swears he never intended to actually do anything and wouldn't do it again. 3 years later I find this. He knows I know all his email addresses etc so if he is re-registering on such sites he's using a new, secret email address and bring extremely careful with computer/phone history as I've checked all that out.

Is there any way he DIDNT download the app?? Only us two know the App Store password but to leave it on there for me to find??

If you think he's capable of that what are you doing with him?

You think he's downloaded a singers app to stop you going back to uni? Wtf! Has he got a problem with you bettering yourself? He sounds like an immature arse.

He is obviously a disgusting individual to let you think it was your 13 yo.

Maybe there is no reason for the timing of your return to uni etc....

Maybe he just serially does the things you found out before and hasn't his this one as well,

OP, drop the cunt and make sure you take up your Uni place this time.

It was obviously him.

If it was me I'd kick him out . But if your not going to I really wouldn't bother going through the cat and mouse fiasco ie did you download it , no I didn't with him claiming he wasn't going to act on it ect. It didn't work last time and it won't work this time.

If your going to stay in the relationship regardless I'd take a different approach. I'd simply state that I was aware of it and that as of now the deal is off , meaning that I too am now free to peruse any opportunities that come along. I'd make it clear to him that your not short of offers yourself. In fact I'd go a step further and have a in-depth conversation about some basic rules ie no fucking others in the house , no fucking people you know.

Whether you would actually do this or not is irrelevant , he doesn't need to know whether you would or you wouldn't. He just needs to know you won't be remaining faithful to someone who isn't faithful back.

Ok guys I'm fucking livid. I've just had a quick look on the iTunes account on the PC. Two tabs there saying iphone and ipad. I looked into recent purchases on his phone and the fucker has been stringing me along big time. Not only is the swingers app there but alongside it is snapchat (but would he download that and not mention it?) cuddlr (which upon investigation is a no strings meetings app and something called fling which ... Well I don't even need to look up what that one is about.
Absolute bastard he is. He's sat in bed with me this morning (after his weekly Sunday shag, naturally) talking about how he can't wait until I qualify and he can't wait to get married and we'll grow old together and spend our pensions on travelling .... And in the background he's fucking around looking for casual sex.

Now he must have these apps hidden on his phone as they were not there when I checked earlier. A quick google search shows you how to hide apps so all I need now is to get hold of his phone. Going to be difficult though due to the fact that it's recently become glued to him.

Hindsight is a great thing.

Obviously the relationship is dead now but I can't end it officially just yet. I'll bide my time and maybe have a bit of fun with him whilst I secure my finances.

And yes, he has been working late over the past few weeks. It's almost fucking textbook isn't it.

Kind of want to delve and find out how far all this has gone, I need proper closure. I've set up an account on the casual sex site he used last time and plenty of fish to try and trap him that way. If I can get into these apps, I'll be wanting to read messages too. The more I find out the less I'll miss the fucker when I leave.

Sorry Op....what a horrible liar he is.

Don't spend to much time torturing yourself ....although I'd want an std check.

Get your own priorities Uni etc sorted and your financies....

You will find in time his lies will repulse you I'm sure.

Get everything in line and get out. What a total shit.

What a tosser ! Hope you're ok x

Why can't you end it just yet OP?

I do hope you haven't been having unprotected sex with him even after you found out about this ? Agree with PP you need an STD check asap.

Why would you waste your time and energy getting even more sordid details. You didn't LTB last time so he had carte blanche to do it all again.

What do you mean by "have some fun with him?" How can you even bear to look at him/be in the same postcode? What do you mean by "trap him?"

You have your evidence. Are you still in denial?

Is DP your DS's father?

What more trapping do you need to do?

The only 'bit of fun' I'd be having with this sorry ass loser would be laughing at his pathetic face as I kicked him out of the house.

As a single parent at uni you'll get good financial support. This with tax credits and maintenance is a reasonable income. I understand the need to know more but I'd put my time and effort into contacting student finance and getting them to adjust your grants.

It is true that you accepted it last time so no great surprise that he's at it again. But you really don't need to get into all the blame, denial and false promises from him.

Just tell him that you don't respect him anymore because he tried to blame your son for something that he had done. You no longer trust him and don't really like him so you want to end the relationship.

He can deny all he wants, just tell him you're not interested and it's over.

"Obviously the relationship is dead now but I can't end it officially just yet. I'll bide my time and maybe have a bit of fun with him whilst I secure my finances".

Securing your finances is sensible but you do not need him at all around to do this. Biding your time just puts off the inevitable split; this needs to be ended now.

You are staying with him then ?

Oh dear

I suggest you book that STI test and double-bag next time you shag him.

What a fucking user he is.

I just don't get it. Obviously there is no denying that he has downloaded these things bbut Ive looked further into them and they're a bit weird. That cuddlr is an app for telling random people that you want a cuddle and it finds other "cuddlers" when you use it. It isn't actually a dating thing but it's bloody weird. I signed up and it's full of teenagers. Why the fuck would a 43 year old man download such a thing?? The fling app isn't actually a dating thing either, it's an app which lets you send random messages and pictures to 40+ other people worldwide in one go. Again - why?? I joined up, had a look and it's the most pointless app ever.

Snapchat is obviously what it says it is, I'm just confused by the others.

Still not had a chance to look at his phone, he's keeping it close to him and he knows something is up.

Can't believe I'm actually starting the final year of my uni course tomorrow. He knew how nervous and stressed out I'd be - the one time when I NEEDED him and he fucks me over again. Last time he did this it was over the exam period.

I'm thinking he keeps dodgy stuff on his android phone at work. Can you use itunes to download onto an android phone? as that would explain why a) he's leaving his phone at work and b) why there is no trace of this shit on his iphone.

I signed up and it's full of teenagers. Why the fuck would a 43 year old man download such a thing??

It's an app which lets you send random messages and pictures to 40+ other people worldwide in one go.

Oh, come on! If you don't know what he's up to I do. He's sending photos of his dick to strangers at the very least. 40 at a time.

I'd never heard of the cuddlr or fling apps either. Just had a quick google and apparently fling is commonly used to send dick pics to random strangers (nice) and cuddlr is supposed to be for cuddles but is used by people looking for NSA sex. Creepy and worrying if it's full of teenagers.

You can't use iTunes on android phones. For those, you download apps from the google play store. Most apps have android versions too

At the very least he is engaging in chat and exchanging pics with others. The swingers app with the location set to your city shows he is probably doing more than that. Combined with his previous history, do you need any more proof?

OP - Why are you getting so obsessed with the disgusting detail?

You know what he has done. Why does anything else matter?

You're going to drive yourself insane. Draw a line under it, and get him to fuck off.

I mean this in the kindest possible way, but for the love of god, stop farting around. It's called procastination.

"Can't believe I'm actually starting the final year of my uni course tomorrow. He knew how nervous and stressed out I'd be - the one time when I NEEDED him and he fucks me over again. Last time he did this it was over the exam period"

Was that three years ago when you found him up to no good then as well?.

Stop with the further accessing of websites and get rid of this yucky man who is basically now dragging you down with him. He's now making you look further stupid. Procrastination is also your enemy here.

Stop looking for evidence and start looking after yourself.

You need to be able to concentrate on this very important year.

You know and I know that he will do whatever he can to make this difficult for you. For whatever reason, he wants you away from that uni and tied to the kitchen sink somewhere he can keep an eye on you. He is probably just judging you by his own standards.

The sooner you get away from him the better. He will only stress you out. What is holding you up?

I can't get my head round how intimacy can still happen if you know that he is capable of this and the fact that he is doing it again.

I doubt you can ever trust him. What are you going to do?