Boundaries - new guy

[Nothappening]

I am not comfortable with this - what do you think?

I have been chatting to a guy (younger than me) online and he has been bombarding me with messages, telling me how wonderful I am, etc.

In a week, things have progressed from discussing when to meet up for a coffee to him coming to my place in a taxi, never having met before, and staying the night. He has been pushing me for this saying how well we would get on, what he's going to do to me in graphic detail, how exciting it would be...

I have told him over and over I won't do this and was expecting to meet up with him a few times first. He says he is not available, even for a quick drink, until the night in question.

Now it turns out my dc will be at home after all and I have a babysitter arranged. I suggested meeting up, having a few drinks on the town, see how it goes. At first he said, great, whatever you want. Then he said we will get a hotel room. I said I have to get back home. Then he suggested finding somewhere secluded! Now he is pushing to meet up in a pub close to my home then wants me to sneak him in my house, spend the night together, and then he gets an early taxi home. He is saying things like, 'I want you this weekend.'

My point is, I have never met the guy, how do I know I will remotely be attracted to him? Why won't he accept I just want to meet up first? He is doing a very good persuasive job on me, flattery, etc, but when I step away I know it's not right. And even if I am overwhelmingly attracted to him, I am not going to bring him to my home on the first night with my dc in bed, am I?

I need to cancel, don't I?

Oh dear god cancel block delete

Hi everyone. I have cancelled and he saw the message over an hour ago and has not responded. Thank God.

Of course I knew he was out of order. I feel relieved.

Fortunately I can't think of any personal details he would know. That's another reason I knew it was just sex. None of the getting to know you questions that you would ask when first chatting. He doesn't know my surname, address, where I work or anything about my dc nor has he shown any interest.

I think I have had a lucky escape.

Well done OP.
I too think you have dodged a bullet there.

You could always of course send him a picture of a sheep's arse and ask if he still fancies it. Or do what they do with those 419 scammers sometimes - direct him to the middle of nowhere. Or both. Fix him up with a nice appointment with Flossie the Sheep. She'll sort him out.

Glad to hear you've cancelled.
I wouldn't be surprised though if he messages you again, maybe today, maybe a while from now. If he does, just don't engage with him.

If you are this easily manipulated then online dating is not for you I think we need to be careful here, op is a victim of someone who is using the internet to groom/manipulate her to get into a situation she doesn't want to be in. Posts like this could easily be seen as victim blaming.

It could easily read : it was your fault he said all that because you continued to talk to him

She looked for help before going ahead with something that made her feel uncomfortable.

She should be commended, not blamed.

I have just remembered this bit - he said he would buy condoms, then by the next day he said he wanted me to know that he had thought about it and that he wanted it to be completely natural as it would be more 'intimate' that way but could he just check I wouldn't get pregnant.

I am confident enough to say no and carry it through if something doesn't feel right. And I was aware he was manipulating me but I think he was very clever about it.

I get so angry reading about entitled men like this.

Don't have any more to do with him OP.

Just seen your 12.28 post. Glad to hear it. He's an utter twunt

Fortunately I can't think of any personal details he would know. That's another reason I knew it was just sex. None of the getting to know you questions that you would ask when first chatting. He doesn't know my surname, address, where I work or anything about my dc nor has he shown any interest
That is a relief. When I'm first chatting to anyone I wouldn't give them too much detail, mobile phone number is ok but not address or anything. "Do you have any kids?" etc is a fairly normal early getting to know you question though, which I would have expected to ask.

Glad you've rejected him and best of luck looking.

I'm relieved to read that he doesn't have your personal info, Nothappening.

It's good to give online dating boundaries an airing, lots of good advice on here which has been bought to lots of people's attention, so you've achieved more than just a lucky escape.

Hope you find someone you can get on well with, OP.

"I have just remembered this bit - he said he would buy condoms, then by the next day he said he wanted me to know that he had thought about it and that he wanted it to be completely natural as it would be more 'intimate' that way but could he just check I wouldn't get pregnant."

Oh my god.

OP, if you were chatting through any kind of moderated board, I would think about reporting him.

Phew! Well done for turning it down.
Sounded like a potentially dangerous situation.

I can't believe you actually have to ask the question to be honest!

oh good grief, he's an immature wanker.

do not speak to him again!!

phew indeed, just caught up.

what a tool

OP, yep, he stomped all over your boundaries. He is quite the manipulator isn't he, flattery, saying you have a connection, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Recognise him for what he is, and readjust your Twat-O-Meter for future dates.

If you met up and you felt no chemistry, how confident do you feel that he would take 'no' for an answer?

He sounds at best creepy, at worst dangerous. Cut all contact!

And for what it's worth there is absolutely nothing wrong with a few sexy texts before a hot date - but this is totally different.

Well done OP. Online Dating is a minefield at best, please chalk this up to experience. There is nothing wrong with you (disappointed nod toward the victim blamers on this thread ).

Keep your boundaries firm, a healthy level of cynicism is always good, and get a thicker skin.

You did a good job, OP