Husband doesn't love me any more. Please hold my hand through this painful journey

[Nobodylovesme]

I've name changed as I'm known on here and want to remain anonymous.

After a dreadful few months of moodiness on his part, DH has admitted he doesn't have feelings for me any more. He said we have nothing in common apart from the DC's. I'm devastated.

3 years ago he had an affair, which I've forgiven (and moved forward from) so I feel this is a real slap in the face.

What do I do? I still love him but I can't make him love me. What about our lovely girls, they are going to be devastated.

There's so much more to say, but have tears running down my face and can't seem to get it all out.

They are from a happy family! You are better off without him, lovely!

I think you need to explain to the children tomorrow. How old are they?

11 and 9

How do you feel about telling them after school tomorrow?

I just don't think I'm strong enough to do that.

Shamefully waiting to see if he changes his mind. Shame on me.

I think you need to say something, they're old enough and already confused. Can you say that dad wants to stay somewhere else, you're not sure why or how long for. You know it's upsetting and you feel upset about it too.

I've been in this situation too.
Do tell the dcs as soon as possible. Trying to pretend is not only soul-destroying, but will also confuse your children. They will know the dynamics have changed and will know something is wrong.
It does get easier.

I think I'm wrong in trying to hide my distress from them, am I?

Oldest is still reading as she doesn't have lights off until 9. She keeps shouting down to check I'm ok (she can't hear me crying). So she knows something is up. I'm just trying to protect them. This is going to shatter their world. They're too young to remember the last time, and I shielded them from it.

I'm starting to feel angry now, with bouts of complete and utter despair in between.

I've to be at work at 9.30 in the morning and can't imagine acting like everything is normal.

Nobodyloveme sending you hugs. You have lots of people on here who will help you through this. I have been there, and MN was fantastic support.
This is the hardest part. Tonight will be very tough, but every day will -really!! - get easier.
You MUST look after yourself, nutrition, eat, rest, duck out of trivial commitments - try not to drink alcohol.
At some point - maybe even tomorrow, he will tell you he regrets it, wants to come back. that will be the point you really need to decide if you do or don't want him back, and if you do, on what terms - your terms!
The DDs just need basic maintenance - food, clean clothes for school - let them watch TV and DVDs and go to friend's houses.
And we're all here, rooting for you.

Is work likely to be supportive? I would honestly not try to go into work if you can have a couple of days off to catch your breath. And definitely tell DCs sooner rather than later. They can always tell when something is off-kilter and will simply worry about it. Truth is always better.

I think you are being incredibly strong - and it will get easier.

I think you're doing the absolute best anyone can be expected to do in the circumstances. I think that facts will be less confusing for your children.

I wish you had someone to get over for a hug.

I agree with Catherine, this is the hard bit.

Should have said - when we begs to come back - you don't need to make an instant decision, take your time - he can wait for you - no hurry!
A friend of mine, when her DH got to that point, said they could meet for lunch. Her choice because it meant he had to make a n effort, she could not cry in a restaurant, took many lunches, and in their case they did get back together. But on HER terms.

I've been trying to reduce my drinking recently, so no alcohol in the house. I tend not to drink when this upset. I find it makes me much worse.

Would you believe I've just ironed all uniforms for tomorrow. I'm in some sort of shock/denial. It feels surreal. I'm also very very tired.

Many many thanks for all your kind words and support. I think I'm going to need them in the coming weeks.

I don't think DH will change his mind. This has been building for a while, and I made my feelings very clear before he left.

My parents are still together, all my siblings and clues relatives are still together. DH is the opposite, patents divorced, sister divorced, brother had several affairs. I thought I got the best of the family! He's had no examples of people working through problems. Just up and go when things get tough.

Anyway, I'm rambling again.

I think you're right about the not drinking.

I think the ironing must be shock

nobody, I am about a month ahead of you. Mine left me for the same reasons last bank holiday. I am still devasted. I won't lie-it has been the worst month of my life.
I found out just over a week ago that he HAS been having an affair despite his denials beforehand. Apparently an emotional affair where the other bitch (supposed friend) left her dh 5 moths earlier. I believed him at the time.

My girls are much younger. I don't know whether that makes it easier or harder. I have no wise words or helpful advice. I keep being told I will come out the other side happier. I cling to this tonight on my birthday. The worst one ever.

I completely loved him. Still do. After 17 years together I truly trusted him and feel I gave him my all. I have never felt betrayal like it. I know there are million that go through all this, but I feel so alone. The worst thing at the moment is his lack of emotion. He has had months to get his head around this decision and he is annoyed by my lack of acceptance and upset. He has apparently done nothing wrong .

I hope you handle it better than me. I hope that knowing that others are going through it too, in some very sad way helps. I am so so sorry .

It must be long may it reign.

The way I feel now I don't want him back. He's upset the DCs and that's not good enough. He knew they were upset and still went. Selfish selfish.

I'll talk to them tomorrow after school. No clubs on a Monday, so plenty of time to deal with the aftermath.

I'm so worried about where he has gone. Trying not to think he's with another woman. I've hung around the relationship board long enough to know it's likely. Utterly utterly heartbreaking.

Why is it, I'm here worrying about what to tell our DCs and he's out there somewhere without a care.

My heart is breaking in a thousand pieces.

today I am so sorry to hear your story. If it's not too late, happy birthday. Just think your next one won't be so bad.

How did you tell your DCs? How are they coping?

thinking of you. A month is such a short time. It will get better. We can only hope.

I think it helps if you try not to think, not what/why/where/when/who, just 'this is as it is now'.

when my marriage broke down, I couldn't keep still at all - the house had never been so clean and tidy. I couldn't even breastfeed my little girl, she reminded me recently, because I couldn't stand the physical contact.

its going to be awful but you'll get through it.

They are 4 and 1. He left a few days before the 4 year old started reception. I can't actually remember telling her. Sorry, that isn't helpful. I think I made him do it. He of course made it sound exciting.
They still see him everyday. I know the advice on here is to cut contact completely except dc contact. But it feels impossible. We work together too-all such a dreadful mess.

I agree about a few days off work. I didn't tell anyone for 2 weeks. We kept it a secret at work and carried on as normal. At the time I loved this. Now I think it dragged out the inevitable. I took a few days off when I heard of his affair. I completely broke after that. A week later and to many I am back on my feet. I guess I'm better at hiding my feelings than I thought.

Do your dds suspect anything? Have you been fighting? I think breaking it to them sooner will only work if you can handle their questions etc. if you think you need a couple of days, then that is ok too x

My older kids' dad did this, all I can say is it does get easier, hopefully he'll want to see your DCs regularly. Sending

Hi OP. I'm so sorry this is happening. It sounds like you're focusing on routine and what's 'normal' which is understandable.

One thing that stood out to me was how your H's been acting. My DH had similar symptoms - low mood, withdrawn, unable to maintain an erection. It nearly broke up our marriage. He had some tests done and he had a medical problem causing this (ironically we were struggling with TTC which is why it was picked up). He is on meds now which helped but we did need counselling to get back on track. I'm by no means excusing his behaviour or the hurt he's caused but it might be worth suggesting he asks the GP to check him over (if you want to!).

What was the medical condition if you don't mind me asking alittlefaith. PM me if you like?

In my rambled muddled mind I do think he's very depressed. I'm not excusing his behaviour in any way. He has been very low for some time though.

It's a tumour on his pituitary that secretes prolactin (usually found in breast feeding women!). Depletes testoterone, that's why he was so low, apathetic and also why he had a low sperm count.

I feel very sad for you all. My partner was having an affair. I found out a fortnight ago.