I słept in the spare room last night ..

[Mrsgrumble]

I don't know fully what's making me unhappy but heavily pregnant with a baby and dh spends all day yesterday on hobbies etc and watching his favourite programmes last night. He does chip in to do a bit of work but goes to his parents all day sat. Gives me the impression they are elderly. Then I find out he has taken himself off for the day to relax and I am not well and left a home with a baby crying.

I can't even look at him. Is this my life now? When baby 2 comes he will carry on the same. When we married initially he spent all Sunday morning running but I knocked that on the head an told him to help a bit more. He got up I baby this morning. I am thinking of going into the city centre for the day and getting away. No way do I feel like cooking and cleaning again.

He often says his mother did all and never complained. She got married 45 years ago and didn't work. I am the main financial provider here

Sorry gives me the impression they need him but off he goes away once he gets there to chill

Erm you just knock the Saturdays on the head!! You both entitled to equal leisure time so you sit down and work out together how you both achieve that.

Have you met his parents??? Why doesn't he take your baby with him to visit his parents?

Op if you don't lay the law down now it'll never improve

Next saturday get the baby up and dressed and hand them over to go to Granny and Grandpas with him.

I'm tried of say if stuff like this to him. He has friends who spend a lot of time on this hobby but they are single!!! I'm just so tried.

He thinks he great if he's changed a bin or reheated a dinner I made for him if I am away in the evening.

I worked let the other night and he gave our baby two bottles but no solids. ' oh was I meant to?' He's one!!!

Late

Even if you were a SAHM you should expect equal leisure times at weekends. And what his mother found tolerable 45 years ago is not the gold standard for life in 2014. Add to that the fact you are the main breadwinner and that's a serious WTF moment.

So he lied and said he was going to his parents, when in reality he just took himself off for a day of chillaxing. That means today is your day. Can you get up and leave him with the baby and go out? I appreciate you probably don't feel like it with being ill, but I would be tempted to go and find a cafe with some nice comfy sofas, plonk yourself down with a book and do nothing for a good few hours.

What a selfish pig he is. Could you take the baby round to his parents and say youre going home to sleep. Show him up. Longer term this needs relationship counselling. Eventually you may need to LTB but try to rest and relax for now. For baby and you.

I think that is what I will do. I have a bad chest infection and in third trimester so feeling weak enough. Too weak to even have this out with him.

I would love to go to ikea but I don't think I will bother today.

His brother rings their mother all the time saying his wife (we will call Jane) doesn't bake homemade bread and he has to make dinner some nights and mil tells me it's great I am so good to dh!!!

Gives me the impression they are elderly

Have you not met his parents? How long have you been together? It sounds awful that basically you are living the family life while he has a single one, minus a few details when you objected. What was his reaction to the Sunday run being curtailed? Though I think a run might be good for him, gaming/tv/going to his parents is certainly not good for you.

That was a typo .. I meant he gives the impression that they need him. In know them very well and like them.

He's not into gaming but he could start painting sheds etc for them (yest he wasn't even there, his brother and children were calling so he got out for himself)

I would ask him did his parents need sheds painting- he said they needed a freshen u but they didn't ask.

I realised after that's what you meant lol. I think you have some serious re-balancing to do though. At first I was a bit sympathetic that his run had been cancelled but right now it seems like that's the least of his problems. His domestic idleness is starting to annoy me and I'm not even there!

Or, to be more accurate, his domestic idleness in his own home! grr ... not enough coffee in my veins yet!

He still went running three evenings a week. I just asked for Sundays back. He will go to church now anyway. Always did too. I have dinner ready. On strike today though.

You tell him, once. Don't cajool, don't threaten and you don't train him. He is a grown man who is being a lazy fuck.

Just say "Dh, you need to pull your wait or move back to your mothers"

tbh and I know it's probably below the belt, but I'd be saying really? your mother did it all? I didn't realise she brought the money into the home too. Where was it she worked again?

He needs to pull his weight.

If he wants the little wifey at home with apron on, doing all things domestic, then he doesn't also get high powered wife bringing home the bacon.

So you earn the majority of the money. You take care of the kids. You take care of the home.

What does he do? Besides have fun playing, running and going back to mummy and daddy?

He's got it made with you, hasn't he? You must feel like a total mug.

He needs to change.

He is having to pull his weight now because I had no dinner ready last night and he bathed baby and I stayed upstairs and he's downstairs doing breakfast.

He did say to me I am like a bag of cats this pregnancy. I'm not. I think I am fairly reasonable. Our house is immaculate, I work full time in a very physical and draining job. I don't think I am being unreasonable.

I paid all the mortgage on my own until very recently after I realised he had dreams of going back to college. I told my father and he was not impressed. I can confide in my father though. I will go no further.

Hmm. He is taking the piss. Because he wants to - and because he can. Neither is good. He sounds like a selfish teenager, not a husband or father.

Do you feel like the only adult in the relationship?

Tell your husband you did not sign up for this. You signed up for a father and husband. If he wants those titles he needs to carry out the role associated with them.

Advise him that while you admire his mother for being a step ford wife, you are not her direct replacement and you don't want to be.

Ask him to take your dc to visit the grandparents on a Saturday for a few hours.

Don't be a door mat. That is under your control. If you allow it, it will happen, put your foot down NOW, today! Then put your feet up

Do you need him? Really?

So what does this guy actually do? Is he going to be a SAHD when your baby is born? I would imagine he will be using your maternity leave to cement this arrangement whereby you do absolutely everything and he does basically fuck all.

I think you're on a hiding to nothing trying to make a lazy, selfish person be anything but selfish or lazy. Not unless you're prepared to go to the wire with some serious, life-diminishing threats and ultimatums. All that will happen if you don't assert yourself is that the DCs will get older and need less attention, you'll grow apart, and the ball of resentment currently setting up home in your stomach will fester.

Older guy is he?

He does work but I am on the higher salary. We've sorted the financial things now and everything is fair but it took a lot of work.

We are the same age but him and his brother were spoilt, be won't admit it but it was homemade break and cakes, didn't do housework. Their father doesn't know how to make toast.

No dh thinks he's a great man because he does so much.

I was downstairs there and he has bucked up a bit. Baby dressed and fed and they have gone for a walk so I can get a shower in peace.

Dh thinks I am crying because of pregancy. I asked him what was going to happen when this baby comes and he said it will be hard. Then I said to him if he was single he could have got out to do his hobby today (I know, I am petty) and he laughed, I still might.

He hasn't got a clue.

Then I think he cottoned on. I cannot stop crying. Even though he will take a couple of weeks off after this baby he will think of it as a bit of a holiday for himself and will still want two hot meals a day.