Hi this seems to be a common issue, I have been seeing my 'partner' for 8 months. We were friends a long time before that and he knew that one of the reasons me and ex h split was because of h's porn habit and lack of interest in me. So new partner says he used to use porn but doesn't anymore.
Something's didn't seem right and one day when he'd left himself logged on I had a snoop , of which I am not proud.
Anyway...I found that he is a frequent porn user. Nothing particularly alarming in it and our sex life is excellent. So I was annoyed about the lie but could live with it but then I delved deeper (curiosity killed the cat) and I found regular searches for local escorts, one in particular was frequently searched for by named and some were very near to his house.
We have split a couple of times after some arguments and during those periods there were lots of escort searches, and to be fair I haven't seen any during the time we were a couple.
My issue is, do I tell him I snooped and tell him how I feel about this and see what he says about it, eg was it just fantasy searches or was he having sex with them? My instinct tells me he was having sex with them, particularly the one he searches for most frequently.
I could just tell him I'm not ready for a relationship and I want to concentrate on my kids and let him have his 'dignity' I'm really upset but have a lot on my plate elsewhere at the moment and don't need another relationship with a porn loser sex addict. I feel like such a dick, loads of the porn he's searched for mirrors exactly what he suggests for us in the bedroom, I love it all especially after the drought that was my marriage and he is uber romantic and thoughtful but to me it seems he's hiding a huge secret and I feel that I should have the right to choose who I spend my time with and am I unreasonable I wanting to know about his proclivities or am I being a complete thought police and need to wind my neck in?