To not know whether to allow mil after she has finally decided she does want to see us

[DanceJunkie]

This is a long so please bare with me. Since me and dh got married mil does not like me. Dh has asked her about this numerous times and has always been given reasons such as "dancejunkie never cooks, cleans, does anything with the children, is a poor mother, etc". Non of this is true, dh tells her that it isn't true but she will not change her mind. We both have invited her and fil round to our house to see us and the dc but she is always too busy. We once turned up at there house uninvited (just to say hello as we were passing) and it was very clear we were not wanted. The children's birthdays often get forgotten or presents are just left on the drive. They see both sils children a few times a week and look after them regularly, have them all over for Christmas, host birthday parties, etc. It hurts that they don't want anything to do with my dc. Mil has also suggested that dc3 isn't even dh's. He obviously is and there is no reason to suspect this other than dc3 has curly hair and dh doesn't! I have had pnd, she said I was just doing it for attention as she believes that there is no such thing as depression.

It's that long since the doc saw her that they don't ask about her. It was recently her birthday and I asked the eldest dc to make a card for her. They got really upset as they do not know who grandma is.

I am always polite and friendly to her. I'd like nothing more than a big happy family as my own family is now very small. I am very critical of my behaviour and honestly can't see that I have done anything wrong and certainly nothing to warrant her deciding she doesn't want anything to do with dh, dc or me.

Anyway, a change has come about. Dh was recently arrested and is not allowed contact with me and only supervised contact with the children. Mil has now decided she wants to see the children and me. I do not know if I should let her. Part of me wants the dc to have grandparents but the other part of me is worried that she will visit once or twice then not want anything to do with us again (as has happened previously). My children are already going through a tough time and I don't want them forming a bond with someone who is likely to walk back out of their lives. I honestly want what is best for the children.

Well done if you've made it to the end of my post! Any advice would be welcome.

Pinguinie you are out of your depth with your MIL, please listen to Atilla. Start phasing contact out, gradually so that it goes to Low Contact at the very most.

You hate her for what she has done to you and your relationship, that is the same person you are allowing contact with your babies. they don't have the experience to deal with her poison. neither do you in actual fact, none of us do.

You know that you are giving this same advice to the OP as you are in need of. there doesn't have to be a confrontation, just a gradual 'oh no MIL, can't make that day... and keep putting things off.

When children are little, they are impressionable. when they are older they don't always do as these poisonous people want them to, so they are at risk of the wrath of the toxic GP.

Or as I see more and more often, subtle comments to undermine the DC mum to the point that the children are stolen and indoctrinated to loathe their own mother.

DanceJunkie - see that as a cautionary tale, she will destroy the bond between you and your children given the whiff of a chance.

Things may be complicated on the whole but actually this bit is very simple.

"Just say No".

Heh, I said that on another thread this evening and I hadn't even read your post at that point, Meerka! You are so right, of course.