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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

my great nanna is going to die today

66 replies

wilddogbert · 13/09/2014 20:15

Well soon anyway I am with her now and it won't be long. It feels so unfair even though I am aware that it isn't she has lived for years and she has 6 great great grandchildren who love her.

My grandmother was a rather bitter woman who only visits her mother once a year and my mother has ran off to some country or another so she never visited her much either but she is so lovely really she is and the DCs all love her so much and we see her at least 3 times a week.

She has been going down hill for two years or so she used to go out with her sister/best friend every Saturday but then her sister died and she stopped leaving the house.

She called me last week with a pain in her chest. She is too old and frail for the operation and then she stopped drinking and eating and apart from Sunday when I took the DCs to see her she has just been so quiet and sad.

My brother is sick and lives the other end of the country so he can't be here now though he did see her last weekend. My grandmother said that she was on holiday (not that I really want her here) her last brother (she was one of 10) lives too far away and I'd too frail to travel.

So it's just me here now. My DH was here put I sent him home to put the DCs to bed because they will be upset and the ILs will need a break. He is coming back at some point.

It's feels wrong that she is going I am 6 months pregnant with twins and she was so excited and now she won't meet them.

Sorry this is just a rant it's just me and her in a room with a nurse checking on her occasionally who offers me tea.

OP posts:
picnicbasketcase · 13/09/2014 20:23

So sorry, it must be awfully lonely and heartbreaking when you feel like you're just waiting for something so sad to happen. Thanks Sad

Original poster
wilddogbert · 13/09/2014 20:25

It is hard but I don't want her to be alone because she hated being alone.

OP posts:
LadyMud · 13/09/2014 20:27

How wonderful that you have these final hours together. She sounds like a special lady. And you sound like a lovely great-grand-daughter. Look after yourself tonight.

WitchWay · 13/09/2014 20:27

How kind of you to be with her Flowers

picnicbasketcase · 13/09/2014 20:28

It is lovely that you could be there for her then. Sad for you of course, but hopefully she knows you're there and that she won't be by herself.

handfulofcottonbuds · 13/09/2014 20:29

Keep talking to her, even if she is asleep. It will be comfort to both of you.

Hold her close while you can but look after yourself, take the tea from the nurse and keep your strength up.

Thanks for you x

InkleWinkle · 13/09/2014 20:30

It's so lovely that you're with her, sounds like you've been there most for her & I expect you're who she'd choose to be there now.

Keep strong & big (unmumsnetty) hugs x

wordsmithsforever · 13/09/2014 20:30

Thanks OP - it is wonderful that you can be right there for her. So hard to go through a bereavement when you're pregnant too - sending you lots of strength.

Purplecircle · 13/09/2014 20:31

That's such a shame but lovely that you are with her. She's spending her last few hours/days in the company of people who love her. That's all anyone can ask for. If you're not there at the end she will understand. She knows how you feel about her and that you're doing what you can. Hope she's not suffering at all

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 13/09/2014 20:31

Sounds like you have had a warm loving relationship. It is something that stays with you forever. When your DCs are old enough to understand you're going to be able to describe her and tell them stories about her. For now it's enough to sit with her. Take care.

mineofuselessinformation · 13/09/2014 20:31

You're lovely, OP. I hope her passing is peaceful.

AuditAngel · 13/09/2014 20:33

I'm sorry that she is sick, but you clearly love her very much, and she will know that. I know it is easy for us to say, but try and be strong.

Are you talking to her while you sit with her? I sat with my Father in Law when he was dying, I felt awkward talking to him, but not as awkward as not talking.

I just talked to him like normal, telling him what the children were up to, things we would have squabbled about. I miss him every day.

crazykat · 13/09/2014 20:49

I'm sorry you're going through this OP.

I lost my nan suddenly a couple of years ago. She was in a&e for the last few hours and it was just me and her as my mam couldn't get there. It was an awful time and I miss her so much but I'm so glad that I was with her at the end even though she kept telling me to go and be my my DCs.

You will always have your memories of her so she will never really leave you.

Keep talking to her even if you aren't sure whether she can hear you.

Original poster
wilddogbert · 13/09/2014 20:58

Yes I am talking to her mostly about the DCs. Though I think I may be repeating myself a bit now.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 13/09/2014 21:08

It's a very hard thing to sit with someone who is dying. But it is also very rewarding after all is over. I don't know if 'rewarding' is quite the right word, it's just the feeling that you did what you should and said what you wanted to say.

Do talk to her. They say the sense of hearing is one of the last to go. Tell her about things you remember from your past with her, even silly things. Tell her stories about your childhood, things she may have taught you. Tell her you love her.

My prayers & thoughts are with you.

ajandjjmum · 13/09/2014 21:08

You sound a wonderful GD, and I'm sure she knows how lucky she is to have your and your children. I hope she is comfortable. Don't be surprised if she slips away when you have the leave the room - apparently that happens often. Wishing you peace.

lunar1 · 13/09/2014 21:16

You are doing an amazing thing for your nanna. Keep holding her hand, she will know you are there and she is loved. It's fine to doze off if you need to.

aylesburyduck · 13/09/2014 21:20

Sending you the biggest hug xxx

Original poster
wilddogbert · 13/09/2014 21:20

Thank you
I am still talking to her. DH should be here soonish.
I feel so sad my great granddad died 30 years ago and I know that she really believes that she is going to be with him so I hope that she is happy thinking about that.

OP posts:
Weasel113 · 13/09/2014 21:39

I joined mumsnet just to wish you well. You are made of the right stuff.

How lucky she is to have you as a great grand daughter who loves her ss much as you do.

Original poster
wilddogbert · 13/09/2014 21:45

DH has arrived with suppiles Cake
She has deteriorated slightly in the past few minutes. I am just singing to her now all the Welsh songs she taught me growing up.

OP posts:
VivaLeBeaver · 13/09/2014 21:48

It sounds like she'll have what my gran would have called a "good death". Peaceful and with someone she loves being there for her, talking to her. I'm sure she's very comforted by you.

I'm sorry for what you're going through.

Chocaholicmonster · 13/09/2014 21:50

You have a beautiful heart doing this final thing for your Nanna. That alone brings a tear to my eye.

Sending you HUGE hugs Thanks xoxo

Allice · 13/09/2014 21:51

Oh lovey, I'm so sorry that you have to do this. You're being incredibly brave, hope that she passed peacefully.

Allice · 13/09/2014 21:51

Sorry, that should be passes.