He says I'm always to blame for pretty much everything

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It's my fault he feels he has to lie to me. He was late the other night and after I had uncovered his true whereabouts - from a receipt - he said he had to lie as he knew I would be "like this"

It's my fault he never has enough money. Last night he says he's planning on getting the new iphone so I asked him if he could afford It. He said he would find a way. I often have to subsidise his income in the final weeks before payday so this actually means i will have to afford it. I told him to see if he can afford it out if his expandable income after bills and he says I'm trying to control him.

It's my fault he gets angry because I don't talk to him in the right way. He may have a point in this but if I talk to him in a nice way about something important he doesn't take any notice of what's said so I do feel like I have to be very straight forward when I need to communicate something very important.

Does anyone else have any situations like this?

Where was he*

So don't subsidise his income?

how do you pay your bills? could you tell him that you will not be giving him any extra?

If money is at the heart of your issues then you need to change the current set up regarding it.

For a start you shouldn't be bailing him out unless you're happy to do that. It doesn't seem like you are.

What is the set up regarding money?

I feel for you OP.

My DP is exactly the same. He gets very angry because I wind him up.

He had set off late from work. Why not just say that? He made some story up about the supermarket running out or something and that he had to get someone to see if there were any if the stock area. Eventually he admitted he had left work late.

Sounds like he's financially & emotionally abusing you.

So he has no responsibility for his life?
And it's all your fault?

He is not a keeper - because he is emotionally 2 years old

He is a nightmare to be around when he hasn't any money left gets really depressed so I just feel it's easier for all of us (we have two children) if I give him some money.

No I'm not happy about it really as I feel like he needs to be more aware of his finances and budget like I have to. He has takeaway coffees all the time but I don't - things like that.

Sorry but you need to take control. Tell him, before he gets the iphone, that you will not be subsidising his wage so that he can buy it. make it clear at the start and then stick to it.

Watching with interest, I am in a similar situation (to blame for everything that's gone wrong, my fault the relationship broke down etc etc, no acknowledgement of his part to play in it all!)
I think OP the only way is to get out. Do you have DC?

Wow OP he's really done a number on you hasn't he. It doesn't have to be like this you know. You deserve to be happy.

"It's my fault he feels he has to lie to me."
"It's my fault he never has enough money."
"It's my fault he gets angry because I don't talk to him in the right way."

Yeah, right.

If everything really is your fault then take ownership and get bloody shot of him. Do you really need to be in a relationship a grown adult who behaves like a stroppy teenager?

Ah xpost, makes it harder the.

*then

To confirm - yes I earn a lot more than he does and because of that I pay the majority of the bills. We worked out a fair share since he earns less so we have a similar amount of expendable income left each.

So you have similar amounts of expendable income each and yet he seems to burn through his and you then top him up, presumably from your expendable income?

He sounds like an arse. Sorry.

If you're such a terrible person, why's he sticking around.... ?

Sorry that you're being manipulated OP. It suits him to blame you for everything because it means he gets what he wants and doesn't have to take any responsibility. If acting depressed gets him more money, of course he's going to pretend he's in a bad mood. Please see it for what it is and stop falling for his crap

He says I won't be able to survive on my own and I'm lucky to have him and that I have issues.

"I feel like he needs to be more aware of his finances and budget like I have to."

BTW... he is fully aware of how much money he has. However, he knows that if he pulls a strop you'll give him some more. So he has zero incentive to spend less. Cut off the funding & you will get the mother of all strops. Keep ignoring it until he gets the message.

Can this be rescued?? Am I actually allowing this to happen because as cogito says he acts a certain way and I always fall for it? I think I'm helping.

Yeah you will survive and flourish without him. And so will your DC. It'll piss him right off!!

"Can this be rescued?? "

You can be rescued. Not so sure about him. He's 100% responsible for himself, his behaviour and his attitude. If he gets away with mistreating you, he'll carry on. If you refuse to tolerate it, he might get the message or he might get worse. Either way your self-respect and confidence will increase.

He was so sweet to me when we got together how do we find ourselves here ....he can be so nice and thoughtful! Is he just using me?

"It's my fault he gets angry because I don't talk to him in the right way."

If there was a book called 'Abusive Behaviour for Dummies' that would be Page 1. It's right there with 'if you weren't so suspicious, I wouldn't have to lie to you' and 'if you didn't make me so jealous, I wouldn't have to hack your e-mail account'.

'I get angry because you don't talk to me in the right way' is a threat designed to intimidate someone into shutting up

Cogito I'm so used to things going a certain way - if I say no to giving him money he will just have a massive go that he can't get to work, or call his mum and beg money off her. He says because he takes the girls to school each morning that he's helping me out and he should get something back