Fuck it, I don't care if he reads this. I need your support.

[CurlyWurlyCake]

Married and together 14 years, he is abusive but doesn't admit it.

What the hell do I do.

Married 14 years with 3 DC?

They dont admit it Curly Its part of the abuse. Have you rung Womens Aid. Are you and/or DC in any immediate danger.

Hi Curly, I recognise your name, what do you need to say? Hope you are safe

You can leave? We can help you, if you want to say what's stopping you

Call refuge or women's aid. If you can't ask a friend to on your behalf

I was the same. I got out. It can be done, but obviously nothing simple about it. Mumsnet helped. Not admitting it is pretty standard I think. You don't need his permission to split up. Get all the support you can, whatever you do next.
Sure there will be some wiser posters than me along soon.

Or pm anyone here and they will help.

I'm beside myself right now, such a horrible night.

I don't warrant WA but it's still so new and enlightening

It's like the last few weeks have fallen in place and I'm now lost in a minefield .

I can't help crying but trying not to wake anyone up.

Why don't you warrant women's aid?

Why don't you warrant WA? I'm sorry you feel so lost...must be horrible realising

Of course you warrant Women's Aid. You don't have to be knocked black and blue to get their help. They, above everyone, know the damage that emotional and mental abuse do to women. They want to help anyone who reaches out to them. So many years spent with an abuser have made you doubt that anyone cares, or that anyone will find you worthy of their help, but you are wrong. Contact them, please. Don't cut yourself off from help before you've even tried.

I don't warrant it because others are in a worse situation.

I'm safe but it's horrible, he will turn on me...

I can't believe I started a thread, so scared - I tried to talk to him tonight but he isn't interested although he maintains we will stay together... I'm planning on leaving ASAP.

How soon can you sort the leaving plan? Making the decision is the hard bit. Focus on the plan. Keep safe, even if you are uncomfortable being sneaky. Sounds like you know he will kick off, make sure you can leave safely. ASAP sounds good.

There will ALWAYS be someone in a worse off situation than you, that's just factual - it does not make your suffering any less real or significant. He is still abusive and you don't deserve it.

Very happy to hear you plan to leave asap... Others will be better at advising what practical steps to take than me, but do you have much family/friends support? Somewhere you could go in the short term if you needed to? Would he leave?

As tuna says if you have a plan stick to it. As for you not being worthy of WA you would be surprised who claims help.

Worse situations ate relevant, I bet other women would class you as being in a worse situation.

He makes me feel like it is all me but I know deep down its not.

He makes comments about leaving me and taking the children, it's not possible for his work but I still worry.

How do I start to make plans when I work part time,,,,

I can not believe this is my life

Ok, you start making plans. Do you own your home or rent? Is it in both names? If your h is in a paye job he will have to pay maintenance.

You can and will leave. Many many of us on here have walked this path before.
I'm not saying it will be easy but it is doable.
Reach out on here ( as you are doing) and to.someone in the real world.
You will get tons of good advice on here, I promise.

Curly, my love, people like me make donations to Women's Aid so they can run helplines staffed by experienced people who have seen it, heard it, and solved it all before. This is because we know what it feels like to be shuddering on your sofa in the middle of the night, feeling trapped.

Give them a ring when he's out, or when you are. It will help massively, just to talk.

Please call women's aid, it's what they are there for. And he absolutely won't take the children.

Another one saying please call WA, there is no eligibility criteria for support and what you honk is mild someone else will think is severe.

Leaving is the most dangerous time for a woman in an abusive relationship so please get as much advice and support as you can, from WA, on here and in real life too if
Ossicle.

Possible blinking ipad and fat fingers.

Womens Aid are there for all those suffering from abuse. Abuse takes many forms. They can offer refuge for those in serious or immediate risk of harm but they can also offer advice and reassurance for those - like yourself - who are frightened and don't know how to take things forward.

We all need help sometimes. People are there to help you if you can bring yourself to ask. 0808 2000 247

Curly - Please give more credit to women's aid - they aren't there purely for the very serious cases, they are there for all victims of abuse. Plus don't forget that you are probably minimising what has happened to you. Even if you don't go in to see them, it would be very helpful to have a chat on the phone with them. You can ask them any questions, or they might volunteer some helpful information.

Firstly I would hide all the passports for your children. Can you take them into work with you the next time you go? Do you have any family near you?

Curly sweetheart, of course you warrant WA, they are there for women in your exact situation - you don't have to be beaten black and blue to get their help.

Why not start a thread you know where, then you can get this one pulled and speak more openly.
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