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Relationships

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Original poster

Did you know why your DH was divorced from first wife?

72 replies

tinks4 · 09/09/2014 10:51

Just asking those of you who married a man who was divorced when you met if you knew why he split up from his first wife.

Did he tell you why, did you ask him, did you consider it to be your business to ask if he didn't volunteer the information? If he'd said it ended because he was unfaithful did you have doubts?

Thanks.

OP posts:

ThirdPoliceman · 09/09/2014 10:53

We never married, but we were in a LTR for four or five years.

His first wife never understood him, obviously.....

JohnFarleysRuskin · 09/09/2014 10:58

Yeah, we talked about it. Definitely. And my separation and some of my relationships. I know why some of his subsequent relationships didn't work out too -

I liked his analysis. He knows himself well. He didn't blame the women, (except for one of them ;)

worldgonecrazy · 09/09/2014 11:04

Yes, I have met both the ex wives and can completely understand why he is no longer with them. I helped fill in the paperwork for his second divorce.

annielouisa · 09/09/2014 11:06

My DH was divorced from his ex because she numerous affairs and then ran off with an 18 year old. She forgot to take the DC with her and a concerned neighbour rang my DH to tell him as they had seen her going bags and all.

My DH gave up work and brought up the children alone for a while until she came back demanding 2 DC back there were 4 altogether. There was a few years of chaos in those DC lives but eventually when we got together we had all the DC live with us.

I know there are some terrible men out there my ex was one but when I met my DH I realised there are some bad women too and I have found it an honour to love and help my DSC overcome the bad start in their lives.

PetulaGordino · 09/09/2014 11:08

i can't think why you would marry them if you didn't know

MirandaWest · 09/09/2014 11:09

I know why he split up from his XW and he knows why I split up from my XH.

mymummademelistentoshitmusic · 09/09/2014 11:13

You hit the nail on the head there, Petula (can't read your name without thinking 'ah, little Leo, scrotum like a boxers glove).

PetulaGordino · 09/09/2014 11:28

EveDallasRetd · 09/09/2014 11:31

Yes I knew, but then that's because I helped him with the divorce petition before we became an item (I'd done my own a few years before and he asked me to help with the wording).

Draughts · 09/09/2014 11:56

I knew, he volunteered the information very early on. I wouldn't have progressed the relationship if he hadn't have been open about the problems in his first marriage.

I like his ex wife & I obviously love DH but I can clearly see they were a terrible match together!

kentishgirl · 09/09/2014 15:38

Not my DP (yet?) but he's told me why. To be honest I take it with a little bit of a pinch of salt as experience has taught me there's always two sides to every story. Not that I think he is lying, but everyone can put their own spin on things.

For example, It's only after ex cheated on me and we split up that his exwife got in touch and told me he'd cheated on her as well, and that's why they split, for example. His story was a little different and I'm sure he's not telling anyone now he cheated on me. In his mind, the cheating was a way out of relationships that he was already not happy in , not directly the cause of it's failure.

Yambabe · 09/09/2014 16:29

Yep he cheated on her. Left her and their eldest DS for the OW in fact. Then got back together, had another DC and cheated on her again.

He was immature and selfish pretty much throughout their on-off relationship according to what they have both told me, but to be fair she was no better so the whole relationship was a bit of a car crash. They both admit this now and are both happy in their current relationships!

I knew none of this when we first met, which was several years after their final split. Was impressed that he told me all about it honestly quite early on but held him at arms length for a good while for obvious reasons!

Benedictinemonk · 09/09/2014 16:42

Third Policeman ... having a DW who doesn't understand would be no problem. The trouble is mine does!

Benedictinemonk · 09/09/2014 16:43

'me'

Mum4Fergus · 09/09/2014 16:46

Yeah, now xp was very upfront about it all. They were on formal separation when we met, result of her infidelity...

GoatsDoRoam · 09/09/2014 17:10

I can't imagine my exH will tell / has told any new partners that we divorced because he was abusive.

Whatever he tells them will be his version.

New partners have to use their own judgement on whether a person is good for them. It's difficult to really know what a person's past contains.

SugarSkully · 09/09/2014 17:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

atticusclaw · 09/09/2014 17:16

Yes I know all the details of why their relationship failed. I don't think I would feel comfortable not knowing. We've been together for fifteen years now and so don't ever think about it.

sweetnessandlite · 09/09/2014 17:23

My DH's ex-wife was the town bike - she had 3 affairs throughout their marriage (that he knew of) and she hated children - she had a termination and tried to pass it off as a miscarriage nasty piece of work whereas he wanted to start a family. It was doomed obviously.

googoodolly · 09/09/2014 18:08

Why would you marry someone if you didn't know that? DP's EXW cheated on him - he caught them when he came home from work early and found them in bed together.

EarthWindFire · 09/09/2014 20:47

Yep and she has recently done exactly the same to her stbxp. seems she doesn't learn from her mistakes

RambleOn · 09/09/2014 20:55

Lots of ex wives having affairs on this thread. Have you asked them, the exes? Or taking your DPs word for it? It's relatively unusual that's all.

EarthWindFire · 09/09/2014 20:57

Lots of ex wives having affairs on this thread. Have you asked them, the exes? Or taking your DPs word for it? It's relatively unusual that's all.

What is unusual... That women actually cheat?

I have seen all of the paperwork including the fact that the divorce was based on her admittance that she had.

DocMcStuffinsBigBookOfOuches · 09/09/2014 20:57

I was divorcing my ex on the basis of unreasonable conduct (because he was an abusive arse which I found unreasonable funnily enough!)

He delayed and delayed our divorce which couldn't be granted until all the arrangements for the children were settled. Every offer we made was rejected, and his side never proposed anything even remotely sensible. After this dragged on for over two years, my solicitor proposed to his side that they accept my arrangements with regards to the children, and we would change the terms of the divorce to two year separation.

On paper, we divorced because we had been separated for two years... And before the ink was even dry, he buggered up the access arrangements.

AdmitYouKnowImRight · 09/09/2014 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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