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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Did you know why your DH was divorced from first wife?

72 replies

tinks4 · 09/09/2014 10:51

Just asking those of you who married a man who was divorced when you met if you knew why he split up from his first wife.

Did he tell you why, did you ask him, did you consider it to be your business to ask if he didn't volunteer the information? If he'd said it ended because he was unfaithful did you have doubts?

Thanks.

OP posts:

Sunshine200 · 09/09/2014 21:04

Yes. Strangely enough some of the things he complained about his ex, he now says about me... I wonder what the common denominator is!

Cluffyflump · 09/09/2014 21:06

AdmitYouKnowImRight

AdmitYouKnowImRight · 09/09/2014 21:12

You could ask of course why the female posters here divorced their first husbands and if they would find it imprudent for the new husband to ask why.

I kicked my first H to the kerb when he raised a fist ..... Door, open, collect your cards and your out.

AlpacaMyBags · 09/09/2014 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PaperPomPom · 09/09/2014 21:16

Yes. As others have said, why would you not ask?

ballsballsballs · 09/09/2014 21:21

I separated from XH after years of emotional, financial and sometimes physical abuse. I petitioned on the basis of separation for a quiet life.

He's married again and is now a dad. I sincerely hope he treats her better than he did me.

micah · 09/09/2014 21:24

Yes.

Don't think I asked. Early on I don't think he even knew. All he knew was she'd moved to her mums while they had a new kitchen fitted, then she'd asked him to stay at his parents to give her a break. They'd had some difficulties, they'd had some counselling, but he wasn't even aware they were separating, he left with a change of clothes. She never let him back in.

Much much later he'd found out, via a mutual friend who'd gone round to check she was ok, that she wouldn't let friend in because she had OM in there.

The judge in court all but laughed at her "reasons" for divorcing him. Said if they hadn't both agreed to divorce he wouldn't have granted it.

Rambleon- turns out all of dh's friends, and his parents, all knew or suspected she was having an affair. It was just poor old dh who trusted her and didn't have a clue.

tiredandsadmum · 09/09/2014 21:40

no one is a child murdering bitch if they have an abortion. No matter what the reason.

FushandChups · 09/09/2014 21:42

admityouknowimright - holy shit, that is just a vile way to talk about anyone.. disagree with her decision, but for fucks sake

AnyFucker · 09/09/2014 21:45

advance search is your friend, fush and tired and cluffy

todayisnottheday · 09/09/2014 21:55

I asked. It just fizzled out. ... then I saw the papers which quoted unreasonable behaviour. (He agreed to it because the marriage was dead obviously). Found out far too late what the unreasonable behaviour was.

Sadly I don't know if i could trust again. Unreasonable behaviour really is a coverall from slept late on Sundays to murdered my dog.

AdmitYouKnowImRight · 09/09/2014 21:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

todayisnottheday · 09/09/2014 22:01

For wiw my divorce petition laid the behaviour out in very bald terms. I hope his next partner gets to see it before she gets in too deep but it's frightening what people will believe. I have literally listened whilst ss explained to a lady why he was not a great choice - and she explained to them why they were wrong because she had known him for five minutes knew him luckily she came to her senses.

EveDallasRetd · 09/09/2014 22:02

The loving husband that you are now married to, that doesn't support your emotional needs, so much so you had an affair?

That loving husband?

Maybe he didn't take care of her needs either. Maybe she needed more support that he was willing to give.

Immaterial in any case. Her body, her choice, her decision. No question.

Judgement day she will meet he child she killed, face to face, and have to atone for her choice no she won't. No such thing, no such day, nothing to 'atone' for.

EarthWindFire · 09/09/2014 22:03

The loving husband that you are now married to, that doesn't support your emotional needs, so much so you had an affair?

Exactly. That Karma may come and bite you one day too.

ashtrayheart · 09/09/2014 22:03

....anyway! Yes my dp's xw left him many years ago because she fell out of love, he was single for 8 years before we got together and has always had shared care of his dd. he gets on fine with his xw and is a good man.

todayisnottheday · 09/09/2014 22:06

Admit, you can judge anyone for anything. It's your right as an individual. As is the right to be an arse, but apparently you already know that

BigfootFiles · 09/09/2014 22:08

Fyi, karma and judgement day are theologically incompatible.

2rebecca · 09/09/2014 22:14

"like"

theendoftheendoftheend · 09/09/2014 22:17

I can't imagine it would be that easy to really 'know' would it? Generally you can only go by what he says... I think its one of those things that only time will tell and you either take the risk or you don't.

Blueistheonlycolour · 09/09/2014 22:19

Apparently, she was shagging someone else.
But she was 19 and he was 32.....
Not saying it can't work, but it's got to have played a part....
Mother of his child slept with the next door neighbour.....after warning him that he wasn't paying her enough attention....

Blueistheonlycolour · 09/09/2014 22:29

And now I'm another ex, I don't believe a bloody word he's told me about any of it!!!!!!

Original poster

tinks4 · 09/09/2014 23:17

I always thought it would be something you would discuss. I think if you are going to marry someone it is in your interest to ascertain what happened in a previous marriage.

I asked because of a couple I'm friends with. A mutual friend told me a couple of days ago that the husband was divorced by his first wife for adultery. The second wife is lovely, she comes across as having high morals and would expect that of her DH. I didn't see her as someone who would put up with any shit and certainly not as someone who would want to be with someone who would cheat.

I'm just a bit shocked by it really and wondered if it was possible that she didn't know why he was divorced.

OP posts:

crazylady321 · 09/09/2014 23:23

DP hasnt been married but his only other 2 longest relationships he was cheated on. Apparently all other past relationships he just wasnt that into.

Whilst Single I had a date with a guy who told me on our first date he had cheated on his wife, also went on to say he couldnt see his dcs as punishment she had accused him of DV - true or not I didnt meet him again. Salute him on his honesty but not the greatest of impressions

todayisnottheday · 09/09/2014 23:25

Why discuss it? By definition you'll get a one-sided story at best. We all want to believe the best of people we like, it's a human condition more or less. Hence my position. I know I'd want to believe them but would be plagued by (understandable) doubts. I couldn't consign myself to that again.

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