Did you know why your DH was divorced from first wife?

[tinks4]

Just asking those of you who married a man who was divorced when you met if you knew why he split up from his first wife.

Did he tell you why, did you ask him, did you consider it to be your business to ask if he didn't volunteer the information? If he'd said it ended because he was unfaithful did you have doubts?

Thanks.

I would be extremely surprised if she doesn't know. If she wouldn't put up with any shit, then I can't imagine her not having the sense of mind to ask on what grounds he is divorced.

I think it would be very wise to do a Homer fade on this whole situation.

I'd love to know what my exh told his new wife.
I bet it wasn't that he was a violent abusive drunk that's for sure

He told one of his mates I divorced him because I wanted to be single

It's not one sided. Even her friends said that she (ex wife) was slightly UN-hinged (confused)

"Village bike" is a really disgusting phrase

My exboyfriend told me that his ex wife was crazy, depressed, paranoid and that she fell in love with another man.

Her divorce petition said he was extremely controlling, jealous and would not give her a minute on her own in or out of the house. When I read that I thought "what a bitch, he is absolutely lovely". 3 months later I agreed wholeheartedly with her.

When somebody constantly screws around on their husband, there IS no nice way of describing them.
She even passed a few things on to him which he had to be treated for (yes men are at risk as well)..... so I think her label is fairly mild actually.

A factual description of her behaviour is fine, I'm sure anyone would sympathise with her husband. A deeply misogynist phrase like "village bike" is revolting

sweetnessandlite - at what point did you think that anyone here was so stupid that they thought men were somehow genetically immune from sti's?

No-one is saying you need to call this woman an angel, but the phrase you used is disgusting. It's the kind of sexist bullshit that people used to trot out in the 50's. You could describe it in any number of ways, but not one that describes her as an object to be picked up and put down for men's pleasure. Which is exactly what that phrase implies.

OP so are you saying that if you met the love of your life but he'd cheated on someone in the past you'd not be with him? That's very strange. There are many many people who have cheated on someone in the past but have gone on to have happy and faithful relationships with other people.

I'm quite shocked that you are shocked and judging these friends on his past relationship.

Of course you have to discuss it. Yes you'll only get a one-sided story, but the way that side of the story is told will give you loads of information about whether you want to proceed in that relationship.

There's a huge difference between someone who says, 'we just weren't right for each other' or 'we were very young when we got together and grew apart' and someone who claims that their ex-wife was a deranged harridan. You want to run quickly away from a man who claims his ex-wife was evil and he was a saint. Bitterness and nastiness about the ex aren't good signs.

You want to run quickly away from a man who claims his ex-wife was evil and he was a saint.

By the same token, when I hear somebody describing their ex H as a controlling, manipulative, 'monster',(a label a lot of posters have given them) then I have to wonder how much of that is really true.
Quite a few women on here are 'claiming' that their husbands were controlling 'monsters'.

Obviously both sides lie about eachother then.

he was a violent abusive drunk that's for sure - so these 'facts' are true,

but

she was a liar and a cheat* has to be 'made up'?

Double standards.

you can't guarantee the truth at all. but the question was whether people knew why their partner got divorced - by "knew" new partners can only go on what they're told. and the question in teh op was about asking questions and volunteering explanations. if a new partner isn't allowed to ask or isn't given any information, i think they would be mad to marry, regardless of whether the reasons are genuine

She had a really hard time after a missed miscarriage and two weeks later decided to leave. Dp hadnt actually realised that she was at this point, probably because hes a bit oblivious when hes working hard and can be hard to live with.. Ive never met her, but he never slagged her off and she sounded nice enough, but he never kept in contact after the split as they had no children.

I have worked with my DH for many years before we got together, so I knew for sure that what he told me was true, as he had to tell our boss who is not the best person at keeping secrets. His ex-wife had an affair, he came home from a business trip to find his replacement sitting in his lounge. They decided to tell him together. It didn't go very well, the OM assaulted DH and he came to work with a bruised face and fat lip. The next time OM tried to assault DH the police were involved again, and DFIL was witness to it all.

My DH can be a bit bloody-minded, he refused to move out of the FMH until he got somewhere else sorted. They were hoping that DH would slink off to a hotel or something, and I can well imagine DH refusing, ordering OM out of his home, and being a complete thorn in their side.

The financial settlement took eons to resolve, by that time they were already divorced, I read all the correspondence, and some of the letters from his ex really shocked me. I always thought that she couldn't be as bad as DH made her out to be, but now I have had dealings with her myself I can totally understand why DH's parents will never wish to hear her name mentioned in their presence.

Kaykay I am quite sure she would have asked him, but get the impression that if he felt he could have just said we married young and it didn't work out or something then he would have done.

Atticus I am not remotely saying that. I knew that one of my ex-boyfriends had been unfaithful to his wife when he was married and it wasn't an issue for me. I judged him on how he was with me, people make mistakes, I never had any reason to think that he cheated on me while we were together.

Being shocked is more to do with thinking you know someone and then finding that maybe you don't. I was told by the mutual friend at the beginning of the year that the husband regularly "played away" behind the current wife's back. It came across that there is a side to the husband that the wife knows nothing about.

I feel awkward knowing this as the wife is lovely and would rather the friend hadn't told me. The husband is prone to a bit of (I thought) innocent flirting but otherwise seemed a decent man. Before I knew all of this I would have thought he would easily come across as a decent, faithful husband. I assumed that was her opinion of him and that it wouldn't have entered her head that he was the unfaithful type until now.

My ExW was emotionally abusive and violent, when I finally stood up for myself she did a midnight flit with the contents of the house and what was left of the money in the bank account, she moved straight in with the OM.

The sad thing is that if my current partner posted this on her she would be told that it was a huge red flag and that she should run for the hills.

Atticus, obviously it is a personal decision (and I am not married though I have been) but yes it would be a deal breaker for me if any partner or spouse I may meet in the future had cheated.

I'd walk without a second thought because it shows so much about their morality, loyalty and sense of entitlement. I don't think those things fundamentally change in a person.

The only thing I know for sure that my XH has said to his new GF, is that he sometimes wishes I were buried under the patio.
Albeit that's a turn of phrase and the context can be for laughs... I wasn't impressed. Presumably he wishes I were 6ft under either because I wouldn't then have found out about his prostitutes, or because I wouldn't be a potential leak to new GF.

I daresay the absolute best I've been painted is as equally responsible for the fact he was off with prostitutes, even beige he asked me to marry him

Big pinch of salt here for anything said about exes.

So out of interest where do you draw the line 3mum? So if a potential partner had cheated on his wife he's out. What if his wife was already cheating on him? What if it was a long term girlfriend not a wife? What if it was a short term girlfriend and he met someone else who he thought was the love of his life? What if he was in a long term relationship and cheated but was only 17 at the time? I find such black and white views very interesting.

Yes she developed a relationship with a much younger man by whom she became pregnant. She left dh and their teenage children so I got a complete package. It was many years before her older children allowed her back into their lives.

My 'hd' recently had an affair. He still says it was his 1st wife who cheated. But obviously now I have doubts. Think I found her on twitter, but her settings are private so I can't ask her & she won't add me (she prob hasn't a clue who I am, it's only because I saw the decree nice (unfortunately that doesn't say)