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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner doesn't want to see me as often

86 replies

Shermouse · 05/09/2014 11:42

Just looking for opinions on my partners behaviour. I'm a single mum of two on a low income, he is a professional who has chosen to work part time for the last 5 years because he could afford to but has taken a full time contract for the next 8 months starting this week. We've been seeing each other for 18 months and we spend 3 nights per week together from around tea time to the following morning depending on whether he is working he might stay until early afternoon but often leaves in the morning regardless. Although on Sundays he stays until around 5pm regardless of if he is at work the next day. Yesterday, he said that due to the fact that he is working full time he can now only see me one week night and Saturday night. He tells me I am his soul mate and he wants to spend the rest of his life with me however, I heard my 8 year old ask him if he wanted to marry mummy and he very bluntly said no. He is 50, doesn't have children and has never been married, although he is great with mine. He is much better off than I am but goes to great lengths to make sure he doesn't pay more than half of anything such as meals out and if my children are included he only pays for what he's had, but is quite happy to use my milk, bread, butter etc to make his pack-up for work and breakfast. He is occasionally generous (3 times in 18 months) and takes me out for a meal. Despite not financially supporting me in any way, he feels free to tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing and is very superior that he has never borrowed money (except mortgage). I think he would maintain this attitude even if we lived together or got married. My view is that if your in it for the long haul, he has the ability to pay when I don't that it is basically mean to expect me to always pay half, if not more. When, I raised it with him he called gold me a gold digger and said even if we lived together we should always pay half each. Opinions please!

OP posts:
Sickoffrozen · 06/09/2014 00:25

Do men really use the words Soul Mate? He is just using you to get laid being blunt. Get rid.

Shermouse · 06/09/2014 08:05

Yep, I know you are all absolutely right. I've known for a long time that he isn't for me. Our attitudes to money are incompatible just need to be tough and get rid.

OP posts:
SoftKittyWarmKitty · 06/09/2014 08:17

This is no way to live, and your relationship (such as it is) is going backwards, not moving forwards. He will never, ever see you as his equal. You should have stuck to your guns back in June. Just don't let him talk you back round this time. Good luck, OP.

Shermouse · 10/09/2014 14:35

He is now my Ex. He wants to be friends (Aww) which, means he'd like to keep me on the back burner in case he doesn't meet some one else. I've told him I don't want to see or speak to him again and I've joined a local 'meetup' group.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 10/09/2014 15:22

Well done and I hope you meet up with some nice people!

LadyLuck10 · 10/09/2014 15:40

Well done op. You deserve so much better than this. A person who is so disgusting about financial issues like this is just not worth it. Being single is better than settling for someone just to be in a relationship.

I agree with you, don't keep in contact. He just wants to keep you an option.

Matildathecat · 10/09/2014 15:45

No, don't have any contact at all. Next thing you know he'll be trying to woo you back with a (small) box of Quality Street.Grin

Well done and good luck!

BuggersMuddle · 10/09/2014 17:01

Well done on getting rid OP. No matter how nice someone is (and he doesn't sound all that nice), you have fundamentally different ideas of a committed relationship.

Just be glad you got out now.

Imagine he had committed and the two of you were living together while you scrimped and saved to pay your half plus your DC costs while he had a massive disposable income? You don't need to be a gold digger for that time of inequality in standard of living to grate.

IngridCold · 10/09/2014 17:08

Ooh he sounds delightful! Does he have any brothers?? Grin

Glad you got rid :)

Fmlgirl · 10/09/2014 19:10

Dump the tight wanker. He doesn't deserve you.

Fmlgirl · 10/09/2014 19:11

I see you've dumped him already. Good on you.

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