I am disappointed and hurt (and angry) re ds's first day at school

[Butterflytree]

Today ds (pfb) started YR. I woke up feeling in a great mood, feeling like this is special day for us all as a family, not just ds. H was grumpy and tired from the onset so our moods didn't quite match and as a reaction I started getting a bit irritated as we were all getting ready to drop ds at school. Anyway fast forward to pick up and h did something really irritating and a bit weird (involved him making me and ds wait around at the school rather than focusing on ds and his special moment. This resulted in a major blow up argument and I totally lost my temper with h. Although I 'just' hissed at him in anger ds overheard some of this . I felt so low for the rest of the afternoon and didn't feel able to play with ds or be positive and involved with him. . Anyway h then said to me "come on, why don't you play with ds to which I just flipped. We then had quite strong words which ds overheard again. So he had a wee accident, for whic I blame us, his parents the first in probably a year. I feel so absolutely shit and don't know where I stand. I am so fed up of h and don't know what to do. He has tried apologizing but I just can't stand him right now. I feel sick.
[i understand that there are much more serious issues being discussed on this forum and that this is probably a ridiculously minor thing) I should probably just get a grip.

Now I just feel ashamed that because of our argument (I was the angry part) ds has had his wee accident. I can't believe it. The day is spoilt and I don't feel positive about my marriage at all.

Why are you so angry about this? Does he make a habit of being arsey when it is other people's special days or occasions?

I don't understand why you let your anger with your H affect having fun with your son.

TBH, I also don't understand why you're so angry with him in the first place. Are there other issues here?

Erm is this the straw that broke the camels back? Also some men just don't get excited about or really see the importance of things such as first day at school etc. What did he do that meant you had to wait around?

Build something up to be that "special" and it's bound to be a big letdown. A lot of pressure on you and your dp.

Really not something to put your marriage in doubt over.

You seem to be making a mountain out of a molehill OP.

Sounds to me like there is a huge back story and that was the final straw. Go and play with DS. He doesn't deserve too grumps today. for chilling once DS is in bed

Wow. You know you ruined your son's first day of school? You did.

You can't expect your DH to mirror your excitement and emotions like some puppet. Some people just don't think of starting school as that big a deal (I now I didn't) and so what if your DH wasn't as excited as you were?

You were the one who picked fights that your DS overheard. You were the one with unrealistic expectations of this "big day" and lashed out at your DH for not sharing them with you. And then you spent all afternoon ignoring your poor son!

You owe both your DH and your DS a huge apology.

'I felt so low for the rest of the afternoon and didn't feel able to play with ds or be positive and involved with him.'

That's an extreme reaction. Do you suffer from anxiety and/or depression?

And have you apologised to your DH?

Yes I know I have spoilt ds's day and I cannot come to grips with it. Last few months have been very stressful and now I feel full of self loathing but can't snap out of it for ds's sake.

Very OTT reaction. Did you simmer all day until pick up time ? A lot of dads don't do first day btw. The wee accident might have been as a result of the whole tiredness of the day not that particular argument.

What were your expectations wrt to your DS first day at school?
I understand that it's a special day (I've had 3 first days at school so far, one to go ), but many children are a bit oblivious and don't really know what the fuss is all about.

Like previous posters, I wonder what else is going on in your life and between you and your DH?

Hope you feel better soon.

I want to know what the irritating thing your dh did, for you to become so detached was?

Is there a back story, as you call him H, not dh?

Op. Get a grip. You're over reacting

The 'accident' will only affect your DS if he is made to feel bad about it. Plenty of YR-age children will 'leak' on occasion; really not a big deal.

This story only makes sense if there is a huge backstory and/or you have some mental health difficulties. I guess it is an emotional day for most families, but you don't seem to have been able to focus on making your son the priority.

Did he tell you he would be late for pickup? Was it an anxiety thing?

What was the irritating and weird thing your dh did that set it all off?

I think perhaps you might be best visiting your GP to discuss your unhealthy levels of stress as it is clearly having a very negative impact on you and your family. How are things otherwise between you and DH?

Do you have anger issues generally?

Do you feel resentful to your husband for other, general reasons? It does sound like you were interpreting everything he did or said as being negative.

what was the weird thing your H did to spoil the "moment" ?

Yes, what weird thing did your h do ?

We absolutely did not make ds feel bad about the wee accident, we just got cleaned up matter of factly but I still feel awful that it probably happened as he overheard us (in another room, hissing, no shouting) and couldn't quite understand what was going on. I feel ashamed about this though.

Yes I am probably overreacting but not sure why. I am referring to him as h rather than dh as I feel so fed up with him right now. He is a great dad but he irritates the hell out of me at the moment.

I'm also struggling to put this in context. Some of the phrases like 'moods didn't quite match' seems very understated for what quickly ended up being frightening enough for a child to wet himself. It sounds like a very tense, angry, unhappy atmosphere and I wonder what a 'very stressful' few months means in reality