I am disappointed and hurt (and angry) re ds's first day at school

[Butterflytree]

Today ds (pfb) started YR. I woke up feeling in a great mood, feeling like this is special day for us all as a family, not just ds. H was grumpy and tired from the onset so our moods didn't quite match and as a reaction I started getting a bit irritated as we were all getting ready to drop ds at school. Anyway fast forward to pick up and h did something really irritating and a bit weird (involved him making me and ds wait around at the school rather than focusing on ds and his special moment. This resulted in a major blow up argument and I totally lost my temper with h. Although I 'just' hissed at him in anger ds overheard some of this . I felt so low for the rest of the afternoon and didn't feel able to play with ds or be positive and involved with him. . Anyway h then said to me "come on, why don't you play with ds to which I just flipped. We then had quite strong words which ds overheard again. So he had a wee accident, for whic I blame us, his parents the first in probably a year. I feel so absolutely shit and don't know where I stand. I am so fed up of h and don't know what to do. He has tried apologizing but I just can't stand him right now. I feel sick.
[i understand that there are much more serious issues being discussed on this forum and that this is probably a ridiculously minor thing) I should probably just get a grip.

What behaviours are irritating ?

Why else are you irritated with him? How do you feel in yourself - are you busy, seeing friends, having fun?

Sorry I'm not sure what you meant by 'wee accident'?

Were you arguing so much your DS got scared and wet himself?

You sound deranged on many levels. Trying control other people's emotions and reactions to things is plain weird and is the route to heartbreak.
Starting school was important to you but then you ruined it for your whole family, then stewed about it, sulking and ruining the whole day.
You are upsetting your small son but blaming you DH.

You sound like very, very hard work but I'm assuming you are depressed? If so seek help before damaging your relationship with your DH and DS.

I'm not sure what you are expecting posters to say? That your DH is a tosser for not doing/feeling everything he's told to?

I know how out of perspective I get when I have PMT or when I've had depression.

this is going to sound silly, is there a PMT issue? i only ask because i have myself realised that i am dreadfully triggered by the most minor things during PMT.

if DS is wetting himself due to your arguments, you are in deep trouble and need to access help for yourself and your family. i'm sure there is a backstory but it all sounds pretty disturbing tbh.

in our house, if DH is being arsey or weird on a special day, i make sure that DCs at least have Mum acting appropriately, and address with dh later. it was really unreasonable for you to react so dramatically. obviously he was not going to suddenly brighten up if you hissed at him? the only outcome to that was to make it worse??

Flange, you assume that the op is depressed, and you think it's ok to call her deranged and generally flame her? I'm sure that'll help her.

Sounds like there's lots of back story. I doubt having a wee was down to your argument, he'll have been knackered after his first day of school and forgotten.

What did h actually do?

OP your ds will have to get used to you hissing or the occasional raised voice, this is normal in a marriage. I love dh to bits and him likewise but sometimes we just get on each others nerves a bit.

You seem to have gone way OTT with this, in comparison some parents are unable to take or pick up their dc from first day at school and have a picture off the child minder.

Well, I hope this would make more sense if we knew the weird irritating thing your husband did. Because at the moment it does come across as though you made a huger deal out of today than needed, over-reacted and have been unpleasant ever since.

He has apologized, you need to stop all this about 'feeling shit', stop hissing, stop feeling sick, and yes, get a grip, because it is you who are ruining what's left of the day.

Unless, as I say, the weird thing was mooning at the other mums or something.

I'm sorry but I just understand what this was about?????

Ok op, my dc are considerably older than your ds, but I'm telling you that what you need to do now is slap a smile on your face and interact with your poor ds !

I've just reread your OP. I don't think you should feel 'ashamed' (never helps), but you should try and figure out why you reacted and felt as you did.
Is this the first time you've snapped like this? Does your H generally irritate you?
No need to answer me, but I think you need to answer these questions yourself. Maybe see your GP and see what support is available for mood problems?

And you refused to play with DS because you were cross with his father? Why?

I think you need to reassure your son that he has done nothing wrong as he may be feeling a little confused at the moment. Poor thing, it does sound as if you have overreacted. Give him a big hug, you sulking isn't going to help the situation.

All a bit strange op - sounds like you were putting a huge amount of pressure on everyone. Tbh I am sure it was this and the excitement/nerves of the first day at school that caused the accident.

If this is an ongoing issue, that you feel irritated by your husband or feel dissatisfied within yourself, that doesn't mean you are a bad person and should hide away in shame; it means that you need to explore what might be making you feel that way - for example, do you have very low self-esteem? - and get some help with your issues, both separately and with your husband. Your GP will be able to help with both medication, if necessary, and counselling.

Crikey!

Well, if I were you I'd take DS out for a walk/cycle to the park. I know it's a bit late but it's a treat for his first day.

Fresh air will do you good and you can chat about his class and his day.

Try to reclaim some of the niceness that you intended and calm you down.

Your poor child. My mum always put her moods and needs before mine and what happened with you all today is completely typical of what happened in my family when I was little. You and your husband have the whole day a negative mood and then even when your poor little lad wet himself you couldn't somehow bring yourself to snap out of it and play with him. You need to go to the doctors or see a counsellor, either together or alone, or you'll end up with the relationship I have with my mum - none.

OP, you've clearly over reacted & I think you know that. I've re-read your first post & still don't really understand how this all began or what it's all really about.

I'm guessing there's some underlining issues here that really need to be addressed. Also, the self loathing, self hatred & completely low mood about something that could of been resolved (or not even started to begin with) so easily really alarms me - These overpowering emotions you're feeling over something very minor make me think you're suffering from a form of depression. If so, please get some help before things get out of control.

Hi Butterflytree hope all is abit calmer now.

If you're not up to playing with DS, would having a nice cuddle watching a cartoon be better?

Sounds like you have made it so important in your own head you couldn't see the wood for the trees.

I'd suggest comforting your DS and then making a big treat and fuss for the weekend, and tell him you are "celebrating his first WEEK at school"

You say you can't get over it just for your sons sake...well you bloody well should.Youre the adult here - act like one.

Have a cuddle with DS and tell him how proud you were of him on his big day. Then start again tomorrow.
As for your H, I think you need an honest conversation about what irritated you today. And listen to his point of view.

Contrary to most people opinion I actually really understand u OP.
Start of school is a Big day and it should be a positive and exciting day. U were really happy about it but your husband was grumpy and thinking about himself instead of putting your son first. I understand u r feeling guilty and upset now but please go to your son and have lovely cuddles and tickles and after he is asleep - deal with your husband. Talk to him.
I feel from your post that your husband been annoying u for a while and that u r questoning your marriage.... Am I right?

On the face of it, this does sound like an over-reaction, although I do understand that first days at school can be a bit emotional (I may have had a bit of a cry..and I never cry at anything).

But I'm also wondering if this is a straw that broke the camels back type of thing, as OP refers to months of stress.