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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do you ever think - WTF???

22 replies

Quootiepie · 21/09/2006 21:48

Ive had a few so bear with me...

Im 20 and up to age of 15 I was normal. Met 1st proper BF and went downhill from there. Im 20, have a DH and DS... and sometimes I think - eh??? I had a whole "future" ahead of me... not boasting but im bright... and now im a housewife in a tiny house ... and Im married with a kid! its like ive been asleep and woke to find this all out... not sure really how to react/act.

Dont really know what im asking... I guess im wondering if im alone in all this... and asking advice from more knowledgable wiser people...

OP posts:
AllieBongo · 21/09/2006 21:51

hello Q. I know how you feel. I had my ds when I was 23, and knew no one else with kids. I was always out, earned more than DH and thought i would have kids when I was 30 (which I am on monday) I've been with DH 12 years, have 2 children and am mostly a housewife. It's bizarre, some days I feel old and bogged down (like today for example) but most days I enjoy my lovely family and know that when they are older, I will still be young enough to pursue a career, so chin up and have another bevvy love

Original poster
Quootiepie · 21/09/2006 21:55

i am... but im feeling all... weird! Likes my lifes skipped from 15 to 20. Surreal.

OP posts:
HonorMatopoeia · 21/09/2006 21:56

Hi Hon, I met my Dh when I was 16, we were engaged when I was 18 and married when I was 22. I didn't have Dd till I was 29 (now 30) but yes, sometimes, even now, I stop and think...'Oh my God, when did this happen?' I can on ocassion feel that opportunities have passed me by, I've only ever really had one proper boyfriend (Dh) and I often wonder how differently my life could have turned out. But, generally I'm happy with my lot. But know exactly where you're coming from chick.

AllieBongo · 21/09/2006 21:56

it rushes by. Have you got some mates you could have a night out with? I do that once in a while and it reminds me how to be young and enjoy myself, but also why I'm glad i;'m not single and being pawed at like a piece of meat

Original poster
Quootiepie · 21/09/2006 22:00

no... i dont have any mates in RL. All have gone to Uni... lead their own normal paths... im 20 and feel 40. Meeting my ex Boyfriend tomorrow... i think its like a midlife crisis... im trying to recapture the past...

OP posts:
Original poster
Quootiepie · 21/09/2006 22:00

no... i dont have any mates in RL. All have gone to Uni... lead their own normal paths... im 20 and feel 40. Meeting my ex Boyfriend tomorrow... i think its like a midlife crisis... im trying to recapture the past...

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Original poster
Quootiepie · 21/09/2006 22:00

eh?

OP posts:
Pages · 21/09/2006 22:02

Your feelings are entirely natural. I ended up in a long term relationship when I was 21 which lasted 5 years. Wasn't married but played at step-mum to his kids. I couldn't understand why it was that I felt this underlying dissatisfaction....

It is young to be married. But doesn't mean the end of the road as long as your DH is supportive of you venturing out and trying new things. Have you thought about what you'd like to do? Go to uni? Part time or OU? Get a job?

They say you either grow together or away from each other...hope it's the former for you.

Pages · 21/09/2006 22:05

Be careful re the ex... don't do anything you might regret. You won't ever be 15 again you'll just have a relationship where the trust has been broken.

HonorMatopoeia · 21/09/2006 22:07

Please avoid the ex situation, been there, done it and it wasn't a good move. Felt good for a while but then just had to carry round a whole sack of guilt that is still with me to this day.

Original poster
Quootiepie · 21/09/2006 22:07

well... im just not sure what I want... When I was 15 I imagined Uni, career, meet a nice bloke, family. My ex mucked my life up and ripped my self esteem to shreds and I just met a bloke, married and had a baby. I dont feel "normal" sometimes. Now im a wife and mother, im not fussed about a career... I want a large family... but im unsure sometimes how I got to this stage. I think if I try and recapture too much of my past ill go backwards... which is impossible with DS now...

OP posts:
Original poster
Quootiepie · 21/09/2006 22:09

I cant not see my ex... hes been on my mind nearly everyday since we broke up... ive even dreamed about him Whats wrong with me????

OP posts:
hermykne · 21/09/2006 22:13

quootiepie
i think you have loads of time ahead of you and when your ds starts school and you may have another child you 'll wonder how it went so fast , and here you are ready for a new phase in your life.
give yourself a years plan, what you'd like in 6mths and then a year and aim for it, then 3years, then 5. you wont happen if you dont do it and you have to accept your circumstances and work with them otherwise you will resent them and thats unfair to you and your child(ren)

you prob have lots of energy too not like us older generations!! so use it and take advantage of everything you have now and willl have in the future. when you are 40 what will you have??

Original poster
Quootiepie · 21/09/2006 22:33

thing is... I want to be at uni, no cares, no husband sometimes. I want a carefree life. Im scared ill leave my husband for my ex trying to reclaim abit of that life... arghhhh

OP posts:
Blondilocks · 21/09/2006 22:45

Hi Quootiepie,

I'm 22, not married (well not yet... hopefully won't be too long), have known OH for 10 yrs & have LO. I think most people feel like this. When I think about the past year I just think it's gone in a blur & that I've done nothing really. It is hard when none of your friends have children & they all seem to be off having fun all the time & meeting up at the drop of a hat.

I felt exactly like you sometimes & felt a bit trapped but now everything seems to have clicked into place. I'm not that patient but it was worth sticking with.

Be careful with your ex. You don't want to end up getting messed around again or mess things up with your OH.

It's never too late to study. OH & I are both doing various bits of study at the moment. I've got a degree, but he intends to do one soon.

Take care.

Original poster
Quootiepie · 21/09/2006 22:47

everyone keeps saying that... be careful with ex... Im not sure I want to be with him, or out do him ATM.

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alismummy · 23/09/2006 14:38

quootiepie, is this ex the one who 'mucked your life up and ripped your self esteem to shreds'? if so, are you trying to resolve past issues that were not resolved? IMHO you dont need to see him again to do that. You need to look deep into yourself and ask yourself what is it about you that attracted such a man in the first place. Then work on that, maybe through, as other posters have suggested, uni, work or some other form of creative expression. It is far more likely to bring you the peace of mind that you seem to be seeking. much luck to you

Original poster
Quootiepie · 23/09/2006 14:43

Thanks... I didnt meet my ex (he cancelled 1/2 an hour before) and im really all over the place as what to do... I get very attached to people and its odd thinking ill never see my ex again (we were together along time)

OP posts:
Original poster
Quootiepie · 23/09/2006 14:43

I remain very loyal etc. which is really why I think me and DH stay together because I hate to let go...

OP posts:
trinityrhino · 23/09/2006 14:52

I was living it up and partying for about 3 years and now all of a sudden it's 10 years later and I have 2 kids and one on the way, a messy house I can't get the hang of and I've been married for 7 years, sometimes I do think HTF did I get here

I don't mean I don'w want to be here but it seems quick even though 10 years just isn't quick lol

alismummy · 23/09/2006 14:57

what were you hoping to get from the meeting with your ex? what would you do if you were free to do whatever you liked? what would make you happy?

Original poster
Quootiepie · 23/09/2006 15:31

Dont know what I to acheieve - piece of mind? If I was free and alone id meet him. Not sure what will make me happy...

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