Childcare issues causing woe

[VSeth]

I am married, have one child aged nearly two. I returned to work a year ago (wow that year went fast!). For childcare we use a nursery for 3 days and a nanny for the other 2. We get Childcare vouchers to help the cost.

Prior to returning to work I went out and found the nursery (only viewed 2) and I searched and searched for a nanny, fell really lucky with the lady we use, my DC loves her.

However my little one has been ill several times, last time hospitilised for 5 days (I stayed in hospital room). I got really exhausted and terribly behind at work. I juggled emails and calls on Blackberry when DC slept, worked at night etc, still not caught up really.

When I broached the subject with my DH of who would take time off when, to cover the nursery days the week we came out of hospital (DC too ill for nursery) my husband seemed a bit incredulous that I would be expecting him to have time off, told me he couldn't possibly etc etc. In the end he did take some time, I took more time and we got by. He ended up taking a day off because he was tired!? on a Nanny day, so we didn't need the cover.

DH is under the belief that we need to find someone locally to call on in an emergency for childcare, we have no family near by and most of my friends work full time. I have tried to explain that there isn't a fully qualified Nanny in the area just sitting waiting for our call, he is looking on childcare sites claiming there are loads of options, yes people looking for jobs! I have explained that childminders can't just take a sick/extra child on a whim etc etc in the end I have sent him a link to an emergency childcare site.

I feel like he should be stepping up as a parent, not trying to outsource the issue when our child is ill. He works an hours commute away, my hours are flexible and do travel for meetings, I do all the drop off's/pick ups, he has done about 5 in total when I have been away. His company are a family company, he hasn't ever been refused time off and has loads of annual leave to use.

What do other working parents do? I am very down about this, is my DH's attitude typical? We have rowed terribly about this.

Sorry its so long

I have a DH like this - insists he is right and bullies people into doing what he wants. Other people are either unable to see that he is right or not assertive enough in getting their way apparently. He has upset nursery on a number of occasions with unreasonable requests and through not taking no for an answer.

As someone else said it is about the way he sees people. They are commodities.

Ultimately he doesn't see your DC being looked after by a parent when ill as important. He is also not prepared to listen to your worries and compromise. He is just shouting you down.

I'm sorry your DC has been in hospital by the way, must have been stressful. Hope they are feeling better.

I think it's highly unlikely that the nursery will give out personal details of their workers - it wold be unprofessional of them.

At best, they might ask around at the nursery and see if there was anyone who wanted to contact you, and give them your details, but why would they bother? However nice they are, your childcare logistics outside nursery hours are not their concern.

I guess the practical solution to the problem of all your DH's ideas is that the next time your DC is poorly enough to be off nursery, you go to work first and leave your DH to solve the problem.

But that's probably too hard for most people to do, as you run the risk that your DH does find someone to look after DC, and you know that they are at home, ill, with a stranger.

I have to say, reading through all your posts, there are two glaring problems here. Your DH does not think childcare is a man's job, and he does not respect your career.

Quite honestly, both of those would seriously be approaching a dealbreaker for me. Knowing my DH didn't feel strongly enough about his child to be concerned about their emotional well-being when they were ill, or knowing that he didn't respect my career, would have me taking a long, hard look at the whole relationship.

I have a part time lovely Nanny, a friendly family run Nursery, I will register with an agency for non illness related emergencies and my child has 2 parents, what other long term strategy is there?

You seem to me to be in a situation where you don't have 2 committed parents.

Hence my suggestion, if you are struggling to cope, of a full-time nanny.