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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

BAD WORKING RELATIONSHIP

12 replies

runkid · 21/09/2006 20:35

There is a woman at my work place who undermines me constantly anything i say she disagrees with. In private she will agree with what i say and in a meeting she will totally disagree with the same thing. It makes a bad atmosphere and i have had enough.She tells lies and i dont trust her. What should i do!

OP posts:
arsenelupin · 21/09/2006 21:32

Hi, she's very threatened by you, clearly, and wants to put you down in front of colleagues to make herself look good. Clearly she also can't be trusted at all. I've had a very nasty history of this with 2 women colleagues. I confronted one when I realised she was wrecking all my workplace friendships as well. It was only useful in that she said what her game was (she wanted me to leave). It made gossip worse, but she left me alone a bit more. The second colleague, I just avoid and pray she'll clear off to the Big Job she's always bragging she'll get. My advice: these people are usually pathetic human beings who think their job is their life. You know better. That's what they can't stand.

arsenelupin · 21/09/2006 21:35

Sorry, more thoughts - You know she can't be trusted, so just keep her out of the loop in future, and never tell her what you think. You might find there are people in those meetings who can see through her. She'll lose interest if she's getting nothing useful out of talking to you.

Pages · 21/09/2006 21:55

I agree with arsenelupin. I fortunately really like and respect all my work colleagues but used to work with a woman years ago who did this sort of thing all the time. It was definitely because she felt threatened by me - I was told by other people that she was worried because I was more qualified than her and knew I would overtake her very soon, which I did and she left before it happened. I also think she was just a not very happy person for various reasons and I was her whipping girl! But other people were on to her and you might find that you are not the only one who has noticed how disagreeable her behaviour is. I would retain my dignity, act professionally and avoid "giving her stuff to play with" and reacting to her as far as possible.

Mojomummy · 22/09/2006 09:49

This happened to me recently ( am now on maternity leave...for a year !) & in the end I told my manager about her. Sometimes there are personality clashes, different ways of working etc, but it's no good if it makes you feel miserable & I expect she probably isn't happy either.

I suggest next time she agrees with you in private, follow it up with an e-mail & then send it to her copying the rest of the team - or whoever it is that is in the meeting. You could also have a private word with her ,along the lines of " have I upset you ?" or "do you find working with me difficult ..." This might make her come to her senses. If not, then I would advise speaking to you manager.

wartywarthog · 22/09/2006 10:59

i'd go the ultra-professional route and minute your meetings, cc people on them, her manager preferably. pull her up on it. when she contradicts what she's said earlier say 'that's not what you said earlier' and back it up with a statement she made.

i would also have a word with your manager and get their advice.

she'll soon stop being so awful.

Original poster
runkid · 22/09/2006 18:26

we have complained but nothing has been done unfortunately but i will take minutes of discussions

OP posts:
wartywarthog · 22/09/2006 19:14

who have you complained to?

Original poster
runkid · 22/09/2006 19:16

My manager but this other person and her seem to be buddies i have gone over her head today though

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wartywarthog · 22/09/2006 22:07

that's good. thing is, if she carries on, and i'll bet she's not just doing this to you, people will start to leave. so management should be aware of this sort of behaviour.

Original poster
runkid · 22/09/2006 22:10

i totally agree and she has done it to other people but for there own reasons dont report it she will be found out one day

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wartywarthog · 22/09/2006 22:28

sooner rather than later i hope. i used to work with someone who sounds similar - a real bully. loads of people left because of her. management knew and kept sending her on psychiatrict evaluations, none of which did any good.

i think you have to stick to your guns, make sure she can't use anything against you and find your own way of dealing with her.

any way of finding out how your colleagues feel?

Original poster
runkid · 22/09/2006 22:46

i know how some of them feel already and its quite worrying i have told them to report it or nothing will get done.

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