I don't know where to start. My husband has a cannabis addiction and an internet porn addiction. He has kept these well hidden from me. I have often felt something was up - he didn't seem 'present' in our lives. Here but not here if that makes any sense at all.
I could never put my finger on it. He holds down a successful career in a well respected field. He appears as a happy functioning and responsible adult but he is so far from that. We never had a good/regular sex life but we both out that down to tiredness.
So here I am, about to give birth to our 3rd child, and he has been gone for 10 days. Staying at his mum and dad's after we had an almighty row.
I found his internet history and then looked through his emails/phone records after seeing the things I saw in the history. He downloads porn every night, and has made calls to a drug dealer for at least the past couple of years maybe longer. There are also sites like Fuckbook and WebcamGirls in his history, does this mean he has been on these sites? He says he just gets pop ups from when he is on a porn site.
He hasn't asked about our children in the time he has been gone. He sent a couple of grovelling emails but nothing else. His parents dislike me, his mother will be pampering him and cooking for him (he hasn't been into work all week). He is basically having a little holiday while I am struggling with being heavily pregnant and 2 very young children alone.
I've kept busy and seen my friends, only confided in one of them. But today I suddenly feel as though that's it, he's gone now forever and probably won't be trying very hard to fix things between us in the future if the past 10 days are anything to go by. Why would he? He is now absolved of any parental responsibility and is surrounded by parents and siblings that are probably feeling very sorry for him. No one in his family has contacted me to ask if me and children are ok. I've got a long lonely week end stretched out ahead of me and I feel so sad and so alone.