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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

new BFs rude friend

100 replies

Odessa88 · 27/08/2014 15:18

Hi.
sorry I post here a lot-only place I get any sense!
long story short.....I have a new SO. was going great 4 a few months and went to meet his friends at a party. They were all intoxicated and I was sober.
One girl in particular who he says is his best friend, wouldn't shake my hand, ignored me then stated I was chubby and a head case.
I don't know why because I was pleasant and everyone else was lovely, and they were clearly embarrassed when it happened. My SO started laughing (he was drunk too), but later told her (in the biggest display of kiss assing and flowery language not to do it again).
its early days and i don't know if i can be bothered with this. She never apologised and he just makes excuses and says i should give her a chance and wants us to hang out again.
Any advice???? x

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 27/08/2014 17:22

"Women are so catty"

No, they are not. Just this one, and she is getting positive reinforcement in the form of OP's tool of a boyfriend.

LineRunner · 27/08/2014 17:23

She's jealous and stuck in a weird groove with him. You can't change that. He on the other hand can change how he responds to her, or you can dump him.

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 27/08/2014 17:31

Being alone is better than putting up with this crap.

Meerka · 27/08/2014 17:42

Only explanation was...that's just what she's like...

Never a good excuse

She going to cause more trouble. He may or may not man up to handle it but the signs aren't particularly good. How far do you want to get embroiled in all that?

and .... you're all in your mid-late 30's? good grief

nah, bin them. Cause it sounds like she wants it to be a 'them' rather than a ýou' and 'him'

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 27/08/2014 17:47

Another one here shocked at the ages... Thought you were going to say early twenties! Confused

Original poster
Odessa88 · 27/08/2014 18:07

Haha I know it's something you would expect in the playground! as far as I'm aware there's no history between them and the other friends seemed ok but I agree it's not looking good.
If it was roles reversed I would have want crazy with my friend.

OP posts:
magoria · 27/08/2014 18:10

A few months? Bin him before you really like him.

This woman is going to be a third in your relationship for as long as it exists and he lets her.

She likes him and even if he doesn't want her he is happy to keep her there as his best friend. Not nice.

Itsfab · 27/08/2014 18:14

So what are you going to do?

Original poster
Odessa88 · 27/08/2014 18:16

I don't WANT to leave but I was genuinely hurt at his response AND I can't deal with having rubbish whispered in his ear n being treated like a fool off someone with poor manners

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 27/08/2014 18:21

How did the "chubby" and "headcase" comments happen? She was ignoring you all night and then eventually talked to you and said: "you're chubby and a headcase " while your new bf tittered in the background. Confused

They must have been veh veh drunk is all I can say. Weirdos.

Darquesse · 27/08/2014 18:32

Were you behaving like a headcase? It all seems very strange. Although if my boyfriend's best friend called me chubby and he laughed, he would be my ex very fast and we have been together a lot longer than 4 months.

Original poster
Odessa88 · 27/08/2014 19:06

They were INCREDIBLY drunk I can't stress that enough. no I was honestly being friendly. she ignored me then sat being quiet giving me evils then just came out with it

OP posts:
lost366 · 27/08/2014 19:40

As someone who has done all sorts of things that she regrets whilst under the influence of alcohol, and who can also come across as rude due to shyness / self-esteem issues, I would say give her another chance. We never know what is going on with someone else 'behind the scenes' and if she is your bloke's best mate she presummably can't be all bad. Try again in a less alcohol charged situation. As for your BF's reaction, again lots of alcohol involved, they've been friends longer than you've been together, he possibly couldn't think clearly enough to know how to react 'appropriately'. Have you told him that you are upset by his reaction?

Original poster
Odessa88 · 27/08/2014 19:51

I told him but I think they both acted unacceptably and should I wedge myself into this relationship they have?
If she is so special to him and knew him longer and didn't defend me then it seems she's more important to him and I don't think that bodes well for me and him.
I'm worried if it wasn't just drink and it's going to be a regular occurrence.

OP posts:
Botanicbaby · 27/08/2014 20:09

so now that he is sober and you've told him that both their behaviour was unacceptable, what was his reaction then? if was apologetic and horrified that his so-called friend had said such things to you, then it may be worth considering but I don't think that is the case, is it?

if he is still trying to excuse it then, yes, it does indeed seem like this is the type of treatment you can expect in future and doesn't bode well.

they all sound quite rude, immature and unpleasant. You don't have to stay around to put up with it. I'm sure you can do better. You don't even owe him or any of them an explanation as you have made your feelings clear to him. Unless he's really thick, he'll know why.

Itsfab · 27/08/2014 20:14

Will you stay with him?

WitchWay · 27/08/2014 20:53

She fancies him, definitely

Original poster
Odessa88 · 27/08/2014 21:07

I do like him but it seems doomed. when he sobered up was just defending her

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 27/08/2014 21:08

^I told him but I think they both acted unacceptably and should I wedge myself into this relationship they have?
If she is so special to him and knew him longer and didn't defend me then it seems she's more important to him and I don't think that bodes well for me and him.
I'm worried if it wasn't just drink and it's going to be a regular occurrence.^

What did he say??

Original poster
Odessa88 · 27/08/2014 21:15

Just excuses-she calls a spade a spade, she's outspoken etc but really a nice person. If she apologised I would have thought more of her tbh. Plus an apology from him in terms of "I should have stepped up" would have been a start.

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 27/08/2014 21:21

she calls a spade a spade Shock Shock

I take it, once you've read that back, you'll be dumping him from a great height!

Original poster
Odessa88 · 27/08/2014 21:26

lol Grin

OP posts:
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 27/08/2014 21:27

Outspoken is just another way of saying she doesnt know how to shut the fuck up.

BuildYourOwnSnowman · 27/08/2014 21:35

people who 'say it as it is' are just rude people who cow the polite by making that kind of statement

life's too short - dump him!!

gamerchick · 27/08/2014 21:39

She calls a spade a spade.. so he's agreeing with her? Hmm

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