he just revealed that he had a mistress and five years old daughter

[MaMaof04]

the affair started when we were moving countries and he lodges at her house- romance started- he said that he believed it would be for just a week but he kept coming back and forth and lodging at her house and helped her- and she kept wanting him to come and help her with her problems- until the day she asked him to help her
have a baby as she was close to her fourties- he said that pregnancy came straight away- he is a good dad to his love child- all the time he was having fun
i was struglling with my 4 kids- to adjust the eldest to new education systems and to help the two little ones who had many problems including adhd and speech problems because they were born premature- they were toddlers during his affair. he told me about it all only two weeks ago- i feel a bit stupid disgusted and like if i am with a stranger- my eldest daughters and I always cherished him because what we thought was his integrity and inability to lie- we forgave him his awful inflexibility-
All my kids are doing OK (in fact very good) at school and emotionally- my daughters are not affected by the affair- I was honest with them- the little ones do not know- i checked what they could accept and no it would be too hard for them to have a perfect brand new sister-
I look very good and very attractive for my age- but hey I am approaching my mid fiftiesand I still have a lot to do to keep my 4 kids mentally and emotionally healthy.
my little ones want us to stay together- i said we will but separated but they are not that happy-
Mister say that he loves me he never wanted to split he told her it would be short but it was a process and when she told him she wants achild because she approaches her 40 he said ok let have full intercourse during ovulation so convinced that this will just please her and not make her pregnant given the numerous ivfs treatments i did to have my little ones- he even says that she is not that attractive to him- now he wants to continue to be a good dad to his other child and he wants that we continue to be together- the little ones want us to stay together- the eldest ones give us to sort out our problems- please just say something- now I am discovering little things- such as trips with the daughter and the other woman etc etc what to do???? just throw your opinions- i will welcome any-

Amusing alright!

just wanted to assure you that the 5 year old girl shall not be entering our house
You mean your sister? Nice going.

Frogisatwat dear what does ESL means?

Lweji i do not understand your remarks to my daughter. what did she do wrong?- do you think it is easy for her? my daughters feel cheated as well- and they have to rebuild the image they had of their dad- so let hanna vent her anger- let her choose the words she uses to speak of the situation- words are powerful emotional tools- sometimes they wreck you sometimes they build you- she calls the other child - 'little girl'- it is her right- there are friends she calls 'sisters' that is also her rights- that might be legally inaccurate so what? why throw this to the face of my daughter? legal and accurate definitions of words must be confined to courts and dictionaries not to a lively and lovely site as this one-

It's only a five year old child, who did no wrong.

And I was referring to not allowing her to enter your home.

I understand you not wanting to play happy families. And I'd definitely kick the husband out. But there's no need for such attitude towards this little girl, who is your children's sister, yes.

So he was leading a double life with two families for a number of years? Did the other woman know that the other family and children existed?

In terms of his youngest child, lets remember that he/she is an innocent in this. He/she didn't ask to be brought into the world. And I suspect that his/her mother would need to be involved in the decision making process as to whether or not he/she is introduced to the other children. I don't doubt that the other children are upset by the sudden realisation that they have another brother/sister, but the youngest child is innocent in all of this and will have no understanding of what is going on.

Sorry. .. English as a second language

she surely did no wrong but neither did my kids -
my kids are paying a high price for their father's deeds- the little girl is unfortunately a reminder of these deeds- the little girl will never suffer as much as my daughter from the dad's deeds. i remember when my daughters were young and teens he used to be very tough on them when he thought they lied to him- and now who is lying? the little girl is innocent but is she really suffering from the situation? her mum knew what she did when she pursued a married man and she had pictures of us and her 'dad' also knew what he was doing- the harm they did was not to her- just to my cell- she will not have to struggle to rebuild the image of her dad- he is very nice to her- he gave her his name and takes her on trips and neglect us to be with her during holidays-when he is with her noone bothers him with calls like when he is with us- she got the best of the dad we get to deal with his stress and guilt - in his mind we are fully an extension of him and hence we must be up to his moral oblgations - towards his other family , his staff, his employers, his friends, the neighbours, the
broad family etc etc

thank you frogisatwat

So who is your husband/ ex husband actually with now - you or the other woman?

pinkballon darling
he is not living with her-
he is not her lover anymore-
he just goes and visit the child and take them on trips-
he never really lived with her-
he would commute between countries and whilst in london he would lodge at her house for a couple of weeks at a time-
he clearly told her that he is married got four kids and love them and his wife-
so it probably just made him more attractive in her eyes- and from a shorl romance it developed into parenthood with all its obligations.

So where does he live?

Lweji - Your comments to H about the five year old girl are completely beyond the pale.

Frankly, how dare you play moral high ground with a young woman who has been put in this situation. The 5 year old is their half sister, and they have absolutely no obligation whatsoever to be part of her life.

Their dad, the prick that he is, has a responsibility towards her, as does her mother (of course). But not the OP. And not her children.

I'm not saying that they should hate this girl, who has obviously done nothing wrong, but to say that they have to welcome her into their home or their lives is misguided at best, and outright obnoxious at worst.

OP - Meme si l'anglais et votre deuxieme langue, vous parlez cela tres bien (beaucoup mieux que mon francais!!).

Votre fille ressemble a une jeune femme tres raisonnable et j'espere que vous ecoutez son conseil. Vos fis de côté, est-ce qu'il y a des autres raisons pour lesquelles vous voulez continuer a vivre ensemble avec ton mari?

Dependez-vous de son argent?

Car....franchement...il est le plus connard du monde. Je ne'rigole pas. Ce n'est pas un tres bon exemple pour vos enfants - surtout vos petits garcons.

Si c'etait votre fille H dans cette situation - Vous lui conseilleriez a faire quoi? (j'espere que cette phrase marche en francais - c'etait peut-etre une traduction directe)

Et bien sur, je n'ai pas d'accents sur mon clavier!

My point about the child is that she should not be the target of the hate or the anger.

You are quite happy to consider letting him stay and to keep the marriage, but your daughter says in no uncertain terms that the child won't be in the house? I'm not saying you have to have her in your home. But she is the least of your worries.
He is.
I'd more readily accept a love child from my dad in my home, than him if he had pulled one like this on my mother.

Honnêtement.

She is as much a victim as you are and certainly not got the best of him, only scraps. I don't think it's helpful to direct any anger at her.

I see your point, but not wanting this child to be a part of their family is not directing hate or anger at her. She just ISN'T part of their family.

Plus...what the ever loving fuck does that child's mother have to say about it?

I note the poster assumed/has been told that the other woman knew the OP's husband was married, but I'm really not so sure. It sounds a lot like he has just been leading a double life.

kaykayblue
I am so happy the word CONNARD is not censured
Yes he deserves to be crowned the King of the Connards-
And I am really sorry for using this word R*.
So Connard will be his rightly deserved nickname from now onward.
Not for my kids so- they must be able to separate the sexual life of their father and his function as father. Dieu Merci hey never saw in him a role model of a husband.
About kids and emotions:
they say blood is thicker etc etc
I do not agree- the thickness of the emotional ties is built over time
and the siblings ties are built during childhood maybe up to the 20s
and there are other aspects to it inbuilt since the dawn of the humanity (see below about siblings).
My daughters do not want to have anything to do with her. It is their right. They might change their mind. It is their right. I am not interferring. He wanted to intefer and emotional impose/superpose her upon them. That was his way of dealing of the imbroglio he made of our life. I told them that I accept any of their choices. Now yes the other woman knew he was married- in his professional site we do appear prominently- she went into this site- she was impressed by his professional achievements which did inflate his love to him and maybe the pictures of his family of his wife and kids just awakened in her her desire to have a baby by him. The connard agrees to this. He says he was not dupe but did not believe she will become pregnant so quickly etc...hE EVEN KEEP SAYING THAT i AM IN SO MUCH BETTER POSITION THAN HERS....THE CONNARD- merci kaykayblue- now he is afraid that the daughter will grow without dad. he even pretend that the daughter resembles one of our daughter- that frightened both my daughters- i showed pictures of her to the boys- it was just a child for them- i asked about any resemblance- they did not find any and they are good at spotting resemblances- so why bring her in- why oblige him to build ties with her. In fact i had small chats with them about other brothers or sisters. NOW ABOUT WHO DO YOU ACCEPT AS SIBLING: my boys said what my daughters said and what all their friends with half-brothers and sisters say:
they accept as a sibling only the one born by the same mum- that is nature - men used to spread their semen around- the emotional ties of siblings are built around the mum- we cannot change that- just take an extreme case: the CONARD has donated sperm - do my kids have to consider a sibling any child born out of this donation. (Yeah Yeah he did enjoy this donation which inflated the ego of the middle aged stressed successful man in him who was sure that he has a guaranteed family- but the CONNARD is not that important to the discussion of sibling ties)

Girls you worry about me-
I am trying to re-build my life-
i told you i went to a dating site-
i already have talked to two nice guys without wider interests in life
than the CONNARD who knew nothing outside his work (he is excellent at it i must say) and social obligations (I always told him he is a Habsbourg- the boring german dynasty- his mum is partly german).

I think its obviously up to them whether or not they want to view the youngest daughter as part of their family (even though she is related to the other daughters.) However, at the same time its also up to the youngest daughter's mother (and the father probably - don't know what the laws on parental responsibility are in France) as to whether she wants her daughter to be introduced to this family. Has she agreed to this? Or are these hypothetical discussions taking place about what would happen?

I would definitely err against any final decisions and door shutting comments now. Whilst there may be a great deal of anger and hurt now, things change. And things said in the heat of the moment about this little girl (which could be passed on to her in years to come) could be bitterly regretted.

If the father is looking after the youngest daughter and taking her out, then good. There are many fathers who don't. He's clearly taking some responsibility. If he's doing this to the exclusion of the other daughters, then not good. However, it sounds like the other children are much older and probably wouldn't do day trips with parents etc. anyway (though I may be wrong here.)

I agree with the poster who states that the wife and her children have more to be concerned about with the husband/father, than from the youngest daughter. But I can see that the youngest daughter has in effect become a symbol of his infidelity to them. and it would appear that their anger is being directed at her (not literally) rather than at the cause of all of this - the husband/ father. She is just a tiny child. She is totally innocent in all of this. He is far from innocent.

errors in my previous mesage:
the other guys do have wider interests in life-
one is in africa for his job- he sent me pictures- he looks a bit like the Connard (what to do- my type- i am a one man type.) he divorced because he caught her cheating on him- he did not tell the kids the rason of the divorce so as not to destroy in them the image of their mum- he just explained the divorce by his will to stay in africa for a while- every 4-6 weeks he is with them-he loves art and animals and kids-
the other guy is good fun - when he heard what the CONNARD did he told me a joke I will share with you girls:
one man was caught peeing in the swimming pool- they asked im :why did you this? he answered: everybody does it..to which they commented: yes everybody does it but not from the top of the diving board-
have a nice day girls- my daughter wants me to go off the computer and go out- a friend of her who knows the story wants to take me out for a drink-

This a most odd thread.

I'd never trust him again and would have to end my relationship with him.