Not sure what this means

[stupidreally]

I've name changed.

I have been looking through mine and DH's financial stuff today to try and make some savings so I've been on internet banking, telephone bills etc. for both of us. While I was on his telephone bill, I noticed that he texts the same number a LOT each month. I have no idea who he could be texting that much. I suppose it could be someone from work who he needs to speak to regularly but surely he could just phone her office through the day to speak to her? I've stupidly rang the number withholding my own and it's definately a woman. I didn't say anything in case I'm jumping to God knows what conclusions.

I probably won't see DH until late tonight to ask him and can't speak to him at the minute but it just doesn't make sense. Any way I can find out who it is without me having to speak to them in case they recognise my voice? Argh this all sounds stupid.

[LadyLuck10]

What are the times of the texts? Can you think of where you were at those times?

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Being charitable it might be a very good friend. Being cynical, he's having an inappropriately close relationship with an OW. Nothing to stop you calling the number asking who it is. Why are you worried that they'll recognise your voice?

[stupidreally]

Times of texts not on but a few calls, dinner time, after work but only a few seconds and only 4 or 5 each month.

I'm worried in case it's all innocent and I'm being rediculous. If it is this person her works with she's never liked me anyway so she'll winge on to him if I've phoned her and nothing is going on.

I'm not a naturally jealous or suspicious person so I have no idea what I'm doing. I know his passwords for everything so it's not as though he can hide stuff.

To be honest, it was over 500 texts last month which is a serious amount of texting.

Thanks for replies.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I'm confused. Is it 500/month or 4 or5/month? Bit of a difference..

[stupidreally]

Sorry, 4 or 5 calls a month. Over 500 text messages a month.

[RedRoom]

I presume he has a work landline? If he is texting her hundreds of times per month on his private mobile during the day (instead of emailing her or calling her using work email and phones) then that is a bit odd. You could put the number into Google- it might bring up the details of a company or Facebook account (some odd people make their mobile number public!).

[RedRoom]

It could be nothing, but I think it's a lot of texts to send to a work colleague. I probably send less than that to my husband.

[Finola1step]

A few texts, phone calls to a colleague = nowt to worry about.

500 texts in 1 month! 500! Now that is very suspicious.

My dh and I text each over quite a bit during the day especially when I am working. But not to this extent.

500 per month works out at least 16 per day, every single day. I can't think of any reason to text someone 16 times every day that is above board.

Sorry.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I think you have to be suspicious, sorry. You may have his passwords but that doesn't stop someone being a bit thick about their phone-bill. Best to tackle him with it later and - if you want a tip from the Cog Book of Dodges & Wheezes - crack on that you know more than you actually do. 'I rang the number you texted 500 times last month... very interesting what she had to say... is there something you want to tell me?'

[stupidreally]

Well exactly, his messages to me were below 70! That's what first made me look twice, I know he doesn't text me hundreds of times. I've tried googling but it just came up with loads of numbers.

He does have a work landline. He works very long hours 6 or 7 times a week. I could turn up pretty much whenever I wanted so if he's lying about being at work it would be stupid. I never get to see him never mind him having time to see anyone else

[stupidreally]

Thanks Cogito, I had no idea how I would approach it. If I should just ask to see his phone or mention the number or what.

[TapWellies]

Can you tell if the texting goes on at weekends?
Crikey, that's 16+ texts per day. I'd be curious I think.

Don't forget that once you confront him, anything incriminating will disappear.

[Vivacia]

Seriously Bad Advice But Wot I Would Do.

I'd explain I'd been trying to make savings on our phone contracts, and something's strange because he has been charged loads for sending hundreds of texts. You didn't have his phone, obviously, so you checked yours and you only had 70 from him, so obviously something's wrong there. Can he make any sense of that? Any mate he's texting a lot? Should you chase it up with the phone company..?

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

He can be at work but texting someone at the same time. A lot of affairs these days start off as inappropriate text flirting, IM'ing and similar. It's a nice discreet way to have a conversation that no-one can overhear and you don't have to be in the same room as the other person to get a sexual thrill out of it.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

500+ texts a month is infatuation on someone's part.

[RedRoom]

I'd look in his phone or ask him to show me and I wouldn't feel bad about it, either. If 500 incoming and outgoing texts to that one number have all been deleted but all of the others are still there, then there is your answer.

[stupidreally]

Oh God I feel ridiculous. I could honestly be sick.

[LumpySpacedPrincess]

Is there any way you could take a look at his phone before you raise it with him. A little research may help.

[RedRoom]

Yes- someone mentioned that you need to bear in mind that as soon as you mention this, all incriminating evidence (fingers crossed there isn't any, of course) will disappear. I'd sit on it for a while and try and look at his phone. I hate advising you to play games, but it is absolutely what I would do because you don't have enough evidence about the content / who is texting to accuse him outright. If you are wrong, you'll be glad you didn't accuse him.

[stupidreally]

I've done some snooping now. Nothing on facebook or email. Obviously all on text. I never look at his phone because I don't need to normally.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I disagree with the last few posts. You've stumbled across information that concerns you and it needs clarifying. You really shouldn't stoop to playing detective - it's demeaning and unnecessary. If you've been together for a significant amount of time and you know each other then you are going to be able to judge whether he's messing around from his response.

BTW... I delete ALL my message threads on my phone every few days because I don't like them clogging up the screens. I'm not currently having an affair...

[RedRoom]

On the upside, if he's leaving itemised bills around then perhaps he doesn't have anything to hide.

[stupidreally]

I can't get on his phone because there is a password combination type thingy. I've never needed to be on it before so I don't know it. The only way I'm going to be able to get on his phone is to ask him to look at it.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

He works very long hours 6 or 7 times a week. I could turn up pretty much whenever I wanted so if he's lying about being at work it would be stupid. I never get to see him never mind him having time to see anyone else

Maybe you should start to drop by.

[RedRoom]

Yes, Cogito- you delete all your message threads to save space - not just ones from one work colleague. And yes, it does need clarifying, but if OP asks him outright about this and he lies then swiftly deletes the evidence, where does that leave her? There is nothing wrong with her looking for herself and then taking it from there.