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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Which is the most likely to succeed?

14 replies

chatnicknamechat · 19/09/2006 19:26

A relatinship with someone exciting, who makes you feel all wierd inside or with someone who isn't wildly exciting but will never hurt you and is totally reliable etc.

If you had not had much luck in the past, would you be willing to go with the safer bet and hope it grew into something great?

I hope you get the gist of what I'm trying to say, I'm not very good at discussing feelings and things.

OP posts:

Original poster

chatnicknamechat · 19/09/2006 19:52

yawnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

OP posts:

nutcracker · 19/09/2006 19:54

Erm don't know.

2nd one might be boring

YeahBut · 19/09/2006 19:56

Does the exciting someone have any major character flaws that make you think you should stay away?
Can you date both of them for a while until you're more sure of what you want?

tiptoes · 19/09/2006 20:04

The second one.You can always work on making it exciting.
Reliable everytime,especially if you have children.

Original poster

chatnicknamechat · 19/09/2006 21:02

The exciting one doesn't exist, but the safe, reliable one does. He is an ex boyfriend that I have met up with again and I think he likes me but I'm not sure about taking things any further.

I've had too much experience with men who treat me badly, just wondering what it might be like to be treated nicely for a change. I don't want to lead him on and give him the wrong idea though.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 19/09/2006 21:03

If your heart and mind aren't 100% w/the man, neither one will work.

Move on.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 19/09/2006 21:05

The one that you work hardest at, usually.

Original poster

chatnicknamechat · 19/09/2006 21:15

Do you have to go at it 100% though expat? Couldn't things just move along slowly and stronger feelings develop, or does that not really happen?

I do like him, he is a lovely bloke, I'm just not sure what to do now. Do I go out with him again and see if that helps me make my mind up? I don't want to use him though, although I am enjoying the emails and texts.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 19/09/2006 21:16

Look, if you really had a good feeling about either one, you know, that kind of feeling, you wouldn't have needed to post this.

Original poster

chatnicknamechat · 19/09/2006 21:22

Arrggghhhh, you're probably right. Shit, does that mean all the flirting has got to stop then? Back on the shelf for me then, looks like I will be there for the forseeable future.

OP posts:

FluffyCharlotteCorday · 19/09/2006 21:24

Totally agree with Expat. If you have to wonder, it's not worth doing.

wartywarthog · 19/09/2006 21:46

xbf's are x for a reason. this guy doesn't do it for you. find someone that has a bit more zing for you.

Original poster

chatnicknamechat · 20/09/2006 14:13

I've been thinking about this over night and I'm really surprised that so many people think that you need the fireworks and everything for a relationship to work. I thought there may be some posters who had relationships based on friendship and respect, rather than all consuming passion.

OP posts:

FluffyCharlotteCorday · 20/09/2006 20:55

chatnicknamechat, I think you need some of both.

The fireworks passion etc., may decline after a bit, but you need the memory of them and the possibility of re-igniting them from time to time, to keep going. If they were never there in the first place, it's a bit bleak and you're more susceptible to Grass is Greener Syndrome imo.

Flip