DH mad with sons AS results- causing major rift

[Kitty909]

My son got his AS results on Thursday. He got ABCC but had been predicted all A's.
He is disappointed as knows he was capable of higher grades, but I'm sure he'll learn from this and says he's going to put in the extra effort needed for next year.
My DH is mad... Truly cross and angry about this apparent 'failure'. It's making me so upset and protective of my DS, who is an ideal teenager in so many ways. He is a great sportsman, has his Duke of Edinburgh gold, has a part-time job, school prefect....

He is DS's step-father, and in his anger, even shouted how all his time and effort had been wasted (to me, not to DS). We got together when DS was 2, and they have had a great relationship so far.
We have had a lot of stressful things go on in our lives over the last year or two, but have always put effort into our relationship. I feel this could be the big test of our future together. He thinks I'm always defending DS - and maybe I am in this instance.
I can't accept his view on this - any advice please?
Thank you

"My father used to go postal when we didn't get our expected grades.Doesn't everyones?"

No.

So, if they claimed to have read x and done y to support their subject choice, who's checking whether any of that is true?

An honest school would check, but that isn't infallible.

Other than that it is only 'checked' at interview, so it depends where you are applying/for what course as to whether it is verified or not.

kitty I'm so glad you and DH are now in agreement, you might find that the encouragement DS needs comes from him getting excited about what he is going on to after he finishes, and the grades are a necessary part of achieving that. Does he want to go to uni, has he decided what he wants to study, started his PS/UCAS application?

I'm not sure about WIFI ban, my DD banned herself from the internet when she was revising for A2's as she realised how distracting it was, but if your DS isn't on board with the idea he may resent it and feel punished.

I'm glad you are now coming together but I'd find it very hard to forgive the remark about how all your dh's time and effort has been wasted, if I were in your shoes. That's below the belt.

So, if they claimed to have read x and done y to support their subject choice, who's checking whether any of that is true?

No-one, if there's no interview. But admissions tutors get used to seeing the formula from well-prepared but not very engaged applicants - same phrases, same non-curriculum books that applicants claim to have read out of interest in the subject. That's often an indicator, as are references (if a reference says 'After an uneven start, Horatio is showing signs of real interest in his academic work' you know that means 'Horatio has finally started turing up to class and was once even seen opening a book').

Thanks lottie and Father

Just to correct the teacher earlier who said that schools predicted A2, not AS grades, that is just not what happens! I am also a teacher and we predicted AS grades and then A2 grades at the end of the first term (October) of year 13, earlier for the Oxbridge candidates. Predictions are never higher for A2 than for AS. We do three sets of grades for Year 12, one before Xmas, one in February and a final one which is after Easter.

I have mixed feelings about your DH reaction. Perhaps your son does need a kick up the backside, perhaps not. What is absolutely certain however, is that you and DH should be speaking with one voice! DS probably needs the telling off and the hug FROM BOTH OF YOU! It is not the end of the world, but he does need to put his head down now from the beginning of Y13.

There's a bunch of us over here with some really good advice. Sorry you're in this position but it sounds like your ds has done better than many.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/secondary/2159119-Has-anybody-got-a-dc-who-fluffed-AS-then-went-on-to-do-well-at-A?

My son was one of those kids who found everything so easy, great at sports etc, really good GCSE's and had never known 'failure'. He was part of a group of high achieving kids and then they were all brought down to earth with their AS levels, nearly all considerably lower than expected, they had simply misjudged the higher level of intensity A levels require. By the end of their 2nd year they had it all sorted and gained the more expected final A level results. Tell twathead (your DH) that my son got BCDD at AS and now has 2 masters, both with distinctions and a 2.1

What *allmycats" said.

I have a bunch of 18yo's downstairs right now, celebrating ds's birthday their A level results, and they've all got in to universities they're very happy with. They were all high-achievers at GCSE, but I remember clearly all the angst last year with AS's. Lots of them had nasty shocks at the time, and it spurred them all on to do bigger and better this year. The biggest challenge was getting the school to give predictions that would enable universities to give them viable offers.

But it's all come good judging by the happy noise downstairs.