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Original poster

Thinking about cheating

52 replies

xtyf · 11/08/2014 21:31

hi everyone,I'd like to get advice on this.

I met my hubby when I was 17 and we got married when I was 19.I'm now 28 and he is 32.

He was my first time (sex) and he is the only one I have ever slept with.

The last 2 years I have been thinking about cheating on him because I feel now that I want to try and have a different sexual experience with someone else.

My hubby had several experiences before we met so I feel like he can compare.

This is tearing me apart because I love him and we got 2 kids.

Does this make me a bad person!

OP posts:
Dontgotosleep · 11/08/2014 21:34

No it makes you human and curious.

Hobby2014 · 11/08/2014 21:38

Thinking about it doesn't, doing it does, IMO.
Cheating isn't ok.
Weigh up what's more important. Sleep with someone else and end a relationship or stay in a happy relationship but never know what it's like.
If you decide you do want to sleep with other people, you need to leave your DH.

OnlyWantsOne · 11/08/2014 21:39

The grass is not greener.

Why don't you concentrate on trying new things with your husband?

Joysmum · 11/08/2014 22:09

Nowt wrong with fantasy, everything wrong with putting your wants before your husband and your marriage.

Either you talk about it and he agrees or you don't do it. Anything else isn't what someone in love does to some they love.

herald · 11/08/2014 22:27

My now ex wife decided to see what it was like to have an affair, we are now divorced with 2 kids stuck in the middle ....have a good think about the consequences.

How would you feel if your husband had an affair ?

Original poster
xtyf · 11/08/2014 22:36

We talked about it and he said that if I was to go through with it,then it would be the end of us.

we tried doing new things and so on but it hasn't taken my mind of wanting a. different. experience.

I don't even know if my husband is good in bed because I haven't been with anyone else lol

OP posts:
herald · 11/08/2014 22:45

Surely you don't need to try sex with someone else to know if your husband is good at sex or not, the fact you have discussed it and he has said the marriage will be finished, is that what you want to happen ....

Therewere5inthebed · 11/08/2014 22:46

Does it matter if he's good in comparison to someone else? As long as he satisfies you it should be enough, don't wreck your family out of curiosity.

Jolleigh · 11/08/2014 22:50

You don't have to have been with someone else to know if what he does in the bedroom feels good.

You say you love him yet seem to be seriously debating cheating on him. You've not been overcome with lust or had a drunken one night stand...You're actually thinking of going out and finding someone to cheat on him with.

Fantasizing about being with another man is fine. Seriously considering cheating on your husband who you say you love, the father of your children, simply to check if you're missing out would turn it into a whole new ball game. One in which you'd deserve the consequences you'd eventually have to face.

Vitalstatistix · 11/08/2014 22:51

It's probably not worth wrecking your marriage in order to experience what I promise you (as a woman of far too much experience) is really rather all much of a muchness in the genital spasm department.

Do you love your husband? Do you want to hurt him? If you've spoken about this and he is not in agreement then would you be being fair? Would you want him to do it to you?

It's natural to wonder, but there are other ways to have a different experience besides wrecking your marriage and betraying someone who loves you. There is a LOT of information out there about how to improve your love life.

Joysmum · 11/08/2014 23:08

I don't see why you need to compare? Either sex is good or it isn't.

Either way, you know his boundaries. Either you choose to abide by them or you do him the courtesy of calling time before you experiment.

RonneandFrankie · 11/08/2014 23:21

Purely from the sex side of things - IMO, sleeping with someone once or twice is hardly likely to get you any good results. One night stands aren't the same as getting to know someone and what they like. Your husband has the benefit of over 10 years experience with you. Unless you get really lucky, any guy you end up banging will be fairly average - and by that I mean they'll pull all the normal moves that they think women like.

You're curious about what it would be like to have sex with someone else. Probably not great sex and the end of your marriage is the answer.

If you're feeling an itch, try new things with your partner? There's plenty of ideas on the internet, and it doesn't have to be anything really extreme to start off with.

Original poster
xtyf · 12/08/2014 18:53

I suppose you are right, I should think about my kids first and this is Just all fantasies anyway. But after 10 yrs it is difficult to keep the flame alive. I'm only 28 and got married really young, sometimes I wished I had experienced more and had fun etc before getting married. Anybody in the same situation? Lost their virginity to their husband?!

OP posts:
chaseface · 12/08/2014 18:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

deepest · 12/08/2014 19:42

I am in a similar situation -- met my dh at school - her was my first and we have been together 30 years!! - but we had some short times apart and one night stands/short flings whilst we were at diff unis etc - so I am not riddled with the wanting to know what it is like to shag someone else....tho I do wonder what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone else....if anyone else would ever fancy me etc....

If you need to get it out of your system then I dont see what harm a ONS (abroad!!) would do....or get a vibrator....?

tilliebob · 12/08/2014 19:58

I've been with my DH since I was 15... almost 30 years ago! I don't want to compare him to other men, because...I love him, I can't imagine being with anyone else, and he leaves me totally satisfied. Plus after all years I cba training someone else up Wink.

We've learnt together, experimented together and it only gets better as we get older.

Maybe it's the whole thing of him having more experience than you that's needling at you?

BolshierAyraStark · 12/08/2014 20:51

This is something I've often wondered about people who have only had sex with thier spouse, possibly as I have a friend in that situation...

Anyways, nothing wrong with thinking about it though you'd be pretty stupid to act on it & risk what you have just to experience a different dick. You either enjoy sex with your DH or you don't-fucking someone else isn't going to give you a definitive answer as to weather he is good in bed or not.

crazylady321 · 12/08/2014 22:15

I would say curiosity it natural, Wouldnt say it makes you a bad person. Just dont plan on doing it though wouldnt be worth the risk at all

mrsbucketxx · 12/08/2014 22:20

Im going to agree with the others, having an affair because your curious is just cruel.

I would invest in a good sex toy its the next best thing.

firesidechat · 12/08/2014 22:27

What advice were you expecting?

Cheating is wrong. Cheating because you are curious is just stupid.

Don't believe this at all.

WhatTheFork · 12/08/2014 22:33

Don't do it!

You love him, he loves you, you have a lovely and loving family together.

Act out your fantasies with the man you love and trust. The first thing I would suggest is getting a night out together or even better a weekend away. Sit in the bar or cafe or club alone, have him come in and chat you up as if he was a stranger and take it from there.

The grass isn't greener on the other side.

Fairenuff · 12/08/2014 22:34

We talked about it and he said that if I was to go through with it,then it would be the end of us.

You talked about the fact that you wanted to cheat on him, or did you ask for an open relationship?

cinnamongreyhound · 12/08/2014 22:34

I was with my first partner 6 1/2 years then met dh. I disagree about being hard to keep things interesting after 10 years, we've been together that long and still at reacted to each other plus know each other better. He has had more partners than me and it makes no difference as now he knows what I like.

For me cheating is a huge no no, for any reason. If you are thinking about this it suggests your relationship isn't great. Be fair to your dh and kids and leave him if you feel you can't be faithful, it's easier to deal with and stay friends over on the long run. Or work on your relationship both sexually and otherwise and build a strong future for you all.

greyhoundgymnastics · 12/08/2014 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

greyhoundgymnastics · 12/08/2014 22:43

This reply has been deleted

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