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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

AIBU don't want to leave my 3 yr old ...

58 replies

TooManyNames · 07/08/2014 22:14

An old friend has invited me to Cape Town for her sisters wedding. She said she'd pay for the flights but I would have to leave my DD (PFB) in the UK with DH. I don't want to be so far away from her. I've not spent a single night away since she was born. I've gone out and had bbsitters etc. in the evenings, but I'm there overnight and in the morning. AIBU to not want to go for this reason?

OP posts:
LittleLadyFooFoo · 07/08/2014 22:16

Of course not. I would not want to be away from my children for this length of time. How long would you be away for?

littlewhitebag · 07/08/2014 22:17

I suppose it is up to you, but 3 is not very young and as long as you trust DH with her then i think it will be great for you to get away.

It might be a good chance for Dh and DD to really bond and for you to realise that she will manage without you there 24/7.

lazuli · 07/08/2014 22:17

Yanbu. Different people have different opinions on this kind of thing, but it's not at all unusual to not want to go away from your three- year- old child like that. I absolutely wouldn't do it, and not would many of the mothers I know.

Original poster
TooManyNames · 07/08/2014 22:17

I think 3 to 4 nights...

OP posts:
lazuli · 07/08/2014 22:18

"nor"

museumum · 07/08/2014 22:18

How long? A week or less? - I would consider it.
Two weeks? No way.

BeforeAndAfter · 07/08/2014 22:19

Is it an option to take her with you?

Showy · 07/08/2014 22:19

It would feel v wrong to me too.

Galvanized · 07/08/2014 22:20

Yabu. I've left my pfb (nearly 2yo now) for 4 nights at a time for work on a couple of occasions and it's fine. You've got childcare sorted with the best person possible!

Original poster
TooManyNames · 07/08/2014 22:20

thank you littleladyfoofoo and lazuli -my friend is making me feel guilty about feeling this way. She doesn't have kids so maybe it's hard to understand from her perspective...? Hmm

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 07/08/2014 22:22

It's a very personal thing. I've never had an issue with it - I went to America for several days when mine were both under 2, and we have regularly left them with grandparents since they were tiny.

What does your DH think? Is he confident he would be fine or do you not trust him?

OvertiredandConfused · 07/08/2014 22:23

Gosh, I must be a terrible mother! For three or four nights I would (and did) leave my three year old with their father - assuming no issues with either child or father of course. Many parents have no choice due to working. Obviously, it's your choice and you need to feel comfortable, but I really don't see anything to stop you.

Does your DH never leave you with your DD?

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 07/08/2014 22:24

YANBU for you to not want to but a lot of women would not feel the same way so your friend is most definetly not being unreasonable to ask it of you.

It is an invite, not a summons.

I bloody love dd but do love the odd long weekend away. So does DH.

HumblePieMonster · 07/08/2014 22:24

stay with your baby if you want to.

LiberalLibertines · 07/08/2014 22:24

It's up to you of course, I'd do it, and I agree it could be good for all of you.

CafeAuLaitMerci · 07/08/2014 22:25

You don't get any medals not having spent a night away from her since she was born, it doesn't work that way.

Surely it would be lovely for your DH & DD to have some time together and for you to spend some time with your friend, it's a few nights not weeks.

Everybodyleaves · 07/08/2014 22:25

I was asked to go to Madrid with work for 3 nights when DD was 2.5. I went, I felt awful leaving her but I survived and so did she and DH.

You can phone, you can Skype. DH will cope.

YANBU but maybe it is time you had at least one night away, even if it is not this specific trip??

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 07/08/2014 22:25

3 to 4 nights? Come on. Time to get a bit of your own life back. 3-4 nights is hardly a long time.

Galvanized · 07/08/2014 22:25

So you've posted here to get reassurance that your feelings are normal? Of course they are, it's your child, your family, your life. But plenty of good mums leave their kids with their fathers/grandparents overnight (even for days!) to no ill-effect. Go and enjoy yourself!

HaroldLloyd · 07/08/2014 22:27

It's your decision, but there is nothing at all wrong with going away for a couple of days and leaving a child with their father.

Original poster
TooManyNames · 07/08/2014 22:27

Hmmm good question PatriciaHolm- he is a bit nervous about me going. He doesn't drive and we have no family here... Yes I do take DD on hols on my own loads, but never the other way around. For sure it would be an opp for DH and DD to bond, but maybe I need to take baby steps and try a night away in the same town first! Wink thanks all, you've given me a lot to think about.

OP posts:
MyballsareSandy · 07/08/2014 22:29

Do it. What an opportunity. dD will be fine with her daddy.

LittleLadyFooFoo · 07/08/2014 22:30

I did leave my son aged 3 for 4 nights with his grandparents whilst my DP and I went away for his birthday. Tbh I was happier leaving him with them than my DP lol. They are a lot more sensible and responsible when it comes to safety, etc. However, I did spend the holiday missing him and vowed I wouldn't do it again till he was older. It's a very personal decision. Go with your gut instinct.

RomillyJane · 07/08/2014 22:31

of course you should go! She is 3 not 3 months. Get a grip woman

birdofthenorth · 07/08/2014 22:32

Yanbu. Genuinely not sure if I would go in your position (I have a 3 but also a 1 year old, so wouldn't in my own circumstances) but the free flight might tempt me! If you really front want to go just explain it to your friend, whilst saying how grateful you were for the offer.