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Original poster

What do men want?

108 replies

Reese123 · 07/08/2014 21:44

What on earth are men looking for when looking at potential partners? I am so fed up of the weird blokes I meet, the men that are so fickle. Is it just me or does anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:
Darkesteyes · 10/08/2014 21:23

AF is right There is a hell of a lot of sexism on this thread.

BitOutOfPractice · 10/08/2014 21:45

Maybe there is done sexism. But most of the people here, myself included, are speaking from their own direct experience and are adding the caveat "in general".

AnyFucker · 10/08/2014 22:25

I am pointing the sexism out with a Smile (a wry one)

This thread is a bit too "Men are from Mars..." for me Wink

AnyFucker · 10/08/2014 22:26

Not a member of Netmums ! Shock

Wash your mouth out, FBF...

DaddyBeer · 10/08/2014 22:49

Sexism duly noted.

But women still tend to like guys their height and preferably taller. So they feel "protected" (MB tells me this. Am I a black belt? No).

And men like to look at boobs. We can't help ourselves.

Is this sexism, or just "how it is"? Well, I'm guessing these preferences have been around waaay before the word sexism was invented. Go figure.

Men might be kind of from Mars, but I reckon men and women have more in common than they don't.

Kind of glad I'm not a woman on the OD scene though. You know, if I had to choose.

Ps did meet MB on Guardian Soulmates. Can't fault it Wink

DaddyBeer · 10/08/2014 22:55

Oh Reese, what have you done? Grin

abbeylives · 10/08/2014 23:32

Of course, different men and women attracted to different things.

I think that the people who don't hugely struggle with the single/dating process have a:

  • strong sense of self. Know what they like, know to be quietly assertive, know vaguely what kind of relationship set-up they want or are open to. I'd say - somewhat paradoxically -this can go hand in hand with being easy going and open-minded.
  • take care of themselves socially, physically, emotionally.

Baggage is fine, but make some effort to process your shit. No-one wants to get with someone who needs fixing, unless they're a bit weird and co-dependent themselves.

  • don't overthink/overanalyse stuff. I mean they're cautious, set boundaries, screen well, but don't obsess/discuss obsessively. Turn up, be polite yourself. Have good boundaries. And don't overlook bad manners or lack of interest for "he has X job" or "she is SO funny and cute". It's not a rom-com, in general the path to someone who wants to be with you DOES run smooth.
  • don't view A Relationship with Someone Perfect as the Cure All for their life. Entering a relationship is a choice, not a gold prize or a Happy Ending. Or a source of validation.
  • I'd say there's nothing wrong also with - whilst having a strong sense of self - also knowing your audience a bit and working with that? If you want to be alternative, then be open to alternative partners. If you're after someone more mainstream then aspire to a more mainstream look. Water settles at its own level. If you have to chase, "win over" people who look a certain way and put a whole load of effort/angst in, then it's probably not worth it.
  • Elimination is a skill. Not getting caught up in ex-dramas or One Who I Went On Two Dates On And Got Away is a skill. Learn to do other things and put your energy in other places. Oh, and the whole "I'm only dating new people to get X off my mind and SHOW X and teach X a lesson" is very, very obvious to new dates. FFS keep quiet about your love life, no-one cares.
gottafindaman4yagirl · 11/08/2014 10:53

Good thread, have been asking myself this question. Went on a POF date with a guy who said I was nice, very delicate. He asked me on a second date and I was on my best behaviour and dressed really nice. He didn't ask me out again but he did go on and on about his ex who sounded like a right madam, me being the complete opposite. Another date the guys ex also got rid of him and his ex was having a crazy mid life crisis thing, he's called me lovely which I don't think is a good sign, why did I have to mellow out, I have my mad days but it seems you need to show all your qualities on the first couple of dates.

With my ex in the early years I was a handful and once I mellowed out he lost interest in me , even tried to pick fault that I was worse now. Have a sister who is crazy and men fall for her all the time, she is fiery and unpredictable and holds her cards close.

But I don't think you can build that instant attraction by seeing someone for several dates, my last relationship was love at first sight.

Are men in their 40s damaged, I am early thirties but cant men in my age group that don't just want a hook up.

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