What do men want?

[Reese123]

What on earth are men looking for when looking at potential partners? I am so fed up of the weird blokes I meet, the men that are so fickle. Is it just me or does anyone else feel like this?

A blow job and a bacon sandwich.

From a book I read a long time ago, some needs are MORE important to an individual than others.

The 10 Emotional Needs of Women

A woman will Feel she is either his mother, or his lover, depending if these emotional needs are addressed or violated, respectively:

1. Protection of her most valuable asset: Her Reputation

no slut shaming, if you can do it to others! then you can to her

1. She needs to experience a Range of Emotions

arguments CAN be healthy, highs and lows in life bring us together

1. Cater to the Little Girl in Her

LISTEN to her rants and tell her everything will be okay

1. He must show Dominance, taking 100% responsibility for the sex

she should know you will ALWAYS find her sexy

1. Fear of Abandonment

you don't just want her for sex, other things you like about her will keep you around for a long long time

1. Trust him to be honest, even if it makes her mad

be honest about intentions! your feelings and opinions; ie. don't be manipulative

1. Her physical protection and safety

feel safe in your arms, or feel physically safe when you are around

1. Can he handle her sexuality (whatever it may be)

do NOT be judgemental about her past, fantasies, etc

1. Does he have sought after High Quality Sperm

you are not with her because you can't get other women

10. Prove he is not a closet homosexual dont be gay

The 10 Emotional Needs of Men

A man will Feel she is either his ally, or his Enemy, depending if these emotional needs are addressed or violated, respectively:

1. Protect his reputation to keep him attractive to other women
2. Quiet time for him to recharge, relax, regenerate
3. Can you mind the store while he is incapacitated
4. Compliance with his wishes without blind obedience
5. Nurture his investments, environment and lifestyle
6. Be the secret keeper like the mythical kept mistress
7. Put US (meaning the COUPLE) First ahead of her friends and family
8. Provide him Sex, and his particular sexual interests
9. Penis Identity: Respect for his sexual identity as male; a man's personal concept of being a man

10. She must be Feminine (defined as Attraction/Arousal, Appreciation/Making him feel useful, and Courteous/Be sweet)

Obviously some needs are more important to others but I think it's pretty accurate.

Looks like it's from a book written in 1950s

That book sounds like a load of old bollocks, I hope you didn't actually pay money for it.

The other thing I would add is that people often go out looking for someone who fits a huge number of criteria, but don't actually have anything substantial to put on the table themselves.

Oh this a 1000x when I was internet dating.

It is probably more relevant to define how you want someone to make you feel tbh.
To work out how much time and energy you have for a relationship.

Define some boundaries and stick to them.

When doing OD as a 50 year old I find the more physically attractive men want someone who is younger than them. The less attractive men will 'settle' for someone their age or slightly older.

Many of the men I've met via OD say they want a partner, and when I ask what that means to them they talk of having someone to come home to; someone to wake up beside -there seems to be an assumption that I would wish to move in with them when in fact I wouldn't dream of living with anyone

They want someone to ride on the back of their motorbike; to listen to them talk endlessly about their boring hobby or job.

I'm slim and that is always what men mention, so presume they see it as a positive whereas I'd prefer a few more curves, actually.

I think women are actually as difficult to please as men. Goodness knows how many OD coffee dates I need tohave before I view one of these perfectly okay men as worthy of a second date.

Arsenaltilidie - I'm guessing that book is a religious one.

That books has made me . Awful.

DH has quite a few single male friends in their mid-30's - they all seem to want a mummy. Someone to take care of everything in the house, but work full time, to pander to their every need and take care of them in the bedroom. And to be ridiculously good looking and younger than them, of course.

Most of these guys are lovely but lazy as sin and genuinely don't seem to understand why they're single (some of them have been single for years). None of them have much to offer a woman who would fit their exacting high standards so they'll probably be single for a long time yet.

arsenaltide, I am from the 1950s. I find those lists accurate. However, I'm very familiar with being out of step with most mners, (thank goodness).

From my experience

Young, or at least younger than them
Hot with good bedroom skills
Can provide children
Good conversation/shared likes
Not "needy" or wanting to rush into anything

What are they offering? In some cases not very much!

Chaseface - so spot on! Chemistry and attraction is complex. It is like the X factor. In my youth I dated some complete ar*eholes but I, for some strange reason, found them utterly irresistible!

I left a LT relationship in late May early June (although in my head it was 1 year+ before that. He was heartbroken (cocklodger) and wanted to move with me and made me promise that I'd stay in contact (blah blah) Turns out he has met someone new already and she is his next 'victim'.

I think this is waaay too soon as he has not addressed the issues that happened in his last 2 relationships. When we met he told me he'd split up with his last g/f 10 months previously. It turned out it had only been 3 months and he'd online dated between her and me! Why rush in, I found out a year into our relationship...there was red bunting everywhere!!

Absolutely, nice

And I would add...

Not having an opinion that differs to theirs.
Not commenting on anything they have said or done unless it is to tell them how fantastically well they did it or how amazing they are.
Not challenging them on any level whastoever.

Just from my experience

This thread is taking a rather sinister turn.

I'll make my excuses and bow out.

Good afternoon.

Sorry Neil

That's my exH and soon to be ex boyfriend.

I suppose what men want is far more than they are offering in return and something close to perfection.

My brother saying once told me that he would consider himself to have made a 'sacrifice' if he didn't marry a woman with big boobs.

So we can add big boobs to the list too.

That makes no sense.

My brother told me...

niceupthedance - other than the first one (fair enough, a lot of men do seem to want someone younger, not sure why - can't say it's ever occured to me), what's wrong with any of the points in your list, for either sex to want?
Hot/good in bed - attraction on both sides is important, everyone's got a different idea of what's hot. Good in bed (or at least, finds sex enjoyable) - having tried a sexless relationship for 9 years, it's completely soul-destroying, as many 'sexless marriage' threads on here will testify.
Can provide children one day - pretty important to be on the same page as a potential long-term partner when it comes to wanting children or not, isn't it?
Good conversation/shared likes - again, kind of important to have a few shared interests, surely?
Not needy/rushing into anything - bit of a red flag if someone's talking baby names/moving in/joint bank accounts after two dates - that applies both ways around.

'What are they offering?' Umm...what should they be offering? Your list of things that men want are all intangible- is it ok to be offering the equivalent in return (attractive/good in bed, can provide children, shared likes, good conversation, not needy) or should men be offering more than they're requesting?

It may seem like it's from the 60s, but from experience whether we like it or not that's what the opposite sex generally wants.

Just try to imagine the opposite of each of those points.
Eg. No woman would want to be with a man who is always happy and never angry/sad about anything.
Or no man would want to be with a woman who blabs his deepest secrets.

You go on to any male dominated messageboard, and if the discussion gets round to potential partners, most of them just want someone nice and normal, not the "snakes with tits" experiences that a lot seem to have.

It goes both ways, sometimes those with the best banter on line to get dates are the best players or just lloking for random hook ups. Those without obvious lines (that may be a bit boring in a first post) may be a better long term bet as "normal"

Renart, nothing wrong in that basic list, perhaps I should have been more specific.

Last two guys I encountered, the first one was 33, lived rent free in his mum's flat, self employed making no money, bit overweight but quite handsome - specifically looking for a 21 year old model who would bear him children in the next two years so that he wouldn't be "an old dad". Oh and he expected a traditional 1950s marriage so he basically wouldn't do any housework. Yes, he was serious.

Guy 2, turned out 'not rushing into anything' meant bullshitting his way through four dates so he could have sex and leave with no further word. Of course I couldn't call him out on his bad behaviour because then I would be 'needy psycho woman' and he would have been right to do a bunk.

What men say they want can seem reasonable, what is behind that request often not so benign.

bobby any chance of a link to one of those? Any time I've seen them, male dominated messageboards are vile about women.

Not being goady, really could do with having my faith in men restored and it would be good to read

Yes broken I completely agree.