What do men want?

[Reese123]

What on earth are men looking for when looking at potential partners? I am so fed up of the weird blokes I meet, the men that are so fickle. Is it just me or does anyone else feel like this?

niceup - ahh, see what you mean now - sorry, I'm being slow today! First guy sounds completely delusional - was that on online dating by any chance? Had some similar experiences there!

brokenhearted - agreed and commiserations - happens the other way around too. One actually brought her boyfriend to our 'date' - I was most unimpressed!

Definitely, broken

Don't lie. Be what you say you are and who you say you are.

In answer to the OPs question......someone who will share a takeaway with them every weekend and a glass of wine every night while remaining under a size 12

I think it's very unfair to say it's only men who want unreasonable things from a prospective partner; there are plenty of women who have ridiculous and arbitrary demands as well.

e.g. Must earn above a certain (very high) amount of money, must be above a certain (above average) height, must be prepared to be both traditional (paying for dates, letting them give up work as soon as possible, etc) AND modern (not expecting them to cook, not dictating how finances are paid, etc).

Some people are just raised to be fundamentally selfish, entitled spoiled brats, and are looking for someone to replicate how their parents treated them (e.g. infallible perfect princess/prince who can't set a foot wrong).

They either end up with people who are extremely laid back and not bothered by their ridiculously demanding personalities, or remain single and baffled as to why that's the case.

Woops, forgot to add: So in answer to the OP's question "what does a man look for" the answer is "it depends on the man".

Men (or at least a real, decent man) wants exactly what women want. Love, humour, loyalty and a mutually satisfying sex life.

Not all men are how they have been portrayed here. As are all women not he same.

The men that I meet all seem to want a ONS or FWB situation and don't seem to care that I am married or that I'm in my 40's.

Am in good shape but no super model. My husband thinks I'm the bees knees, God knows why, like a PP said, I wouldn't want to be married to me!

I'm not interested in other blokes but wonder if I give off an unconscious vibe that I am up for this. Last year I was propositioned by a friend of the boss, slimey horrible person. He made it clear he wanted sex, he is married.

Fast forward a year and I am two weeks into a new job and a younger, single colleague just asked me out for a drink . He's gorgeous and in another life I would do it.

In my job prior to the two above it happened weekly with various colleagues and contractors. WTF?
I'm not in UK so maybe it's a cultural thing. It never happened this much when I was younger and back home....

So really IMO most of them think with their cocks. Sorry if that offends any men that are reading.

Hmmm, isn't if funny - I often just observe men when on public transport just for amusement. Like today a Marie couple got on the train and the wife chose to sit opposite this young hot blonde lady - he could not keep his eyes off her, kept constantly checking her out. Poor wife, not sure she even noticed (though that was a good thing). Makes you think men are always on the lookout no matter their situation.

I would like a woman who is happy.

'mademan'? really?

Yes.

How can a woman be happy when a man takes orders?

Jesus Christ.

Of course there are shit men out there.

But if you're constantly going on dates with them, IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A BAD PICKER!

I'll concede, though, that we do think with our dicks at times and find it difficult not to look at boobs. It's a biological curse really...

Wow Bit victim blamey.

Yeah sorry it is a bit harsh, but I do think it's true.

Interested you use the word victim though. If you have a few bad dates, are you really a victim?

By victim blaming what I mean is that its the same mindset that blames women for being abused.

Have you read the blog Scars Tears and Training Bras . Its written by a woman who started using Tinder after breast cancer surgery. A trainee DOCTOR didn't want to see her again after one date.

Another bloke rudely asked why she was wearing a wig on date one.

Blaming women for mens behaviour IS misogyny and leads to the kind of victim blaming that victims of domestic abuse get.

Good glimpse into your mindset though Beer!

I do get where you're coming from - I think - but it's not really where I was coming from.

For example, a friend of mine (guy) has made some spectacularly bad choices in women, for one reason or another. So, is it more reasonable to see him as a victim of women's bad behaviour, or to say something along the lines of "you really can pick them mate.."? Because he is, no? Or, at least, they're picking him and he is going along with it. He does have a mind and his own voice.

This doesn't mean I'd say their bad behaviour is his fault. It isn't, how can it be? But the fact that he continues to expose himself to it, is. If he doesn't smarten up his choosing, or at least take responsibility for it (ie, realise that he is the common factor) then how will it change? Do you think I'm blaming him for his girlfriends' behaviour and that I'm a man-hater?

I'm sensing though darkest that this is a little loaded and isn't entirely and equally straightforward for both genders. I take that on board and will read that blog.

The problem is, daddybeer, that people don't present themselves as jerks in the beginning when you 'pick' them. I actually go on very few dates because I have to wade through loads of unsuitables and I think I am aware of the signs of potential bad behaviour on the whole. But it seems the percentage of bellends in the dating pool is high, and rising. So you can't avoid picking them, unless you give up dating. What would help is less bullshit in the first place.

The other aspect of what daddy said is that abusive arseholes of both genders will look out for people that they can abuse. People who are vulnerable or have been conditioned my previous experience to (wrongly and sadly) see that as the norm.

That doesn't make them to blame. But it does make them more likely to end up with an arsehole.

My understanding of the Freedom programme is to look at ways to NOT be that person. To be sufficiently strongly and aware of the arseholery to avoid it. That's not blaming the victim of abuse. It is giving someone the tools to avoid it.

I've probably not phrased that right but I hope ykwim

I used to look for whatever qualities in men, I soon stopped, met my partner, was instantly attracted to him and it helps that we get on great, everything has fell into place, we are totally compatible and I have everything I ever wanted, we are now a year down the line, expecting (a surprise) our 1st child together (my 2nd) and will soon be moving in together! Life couldn't be any better and I know that sounds cheesy as hell

nice I agree the OD world is a bellend-rich environment, especially for women (for some unknown reason..). But you also kind of make my point, which is that a bit of careful and judicious vetting pays dividends, and is a skill in itself.

bit and chase thank you for not leaving me stranded on misogyny island (though I do see darkest's point).

That's ok daddy!

I think what I was trying to say is the old adage that is often quoted here. You cannot change other people. But you can change your reaction to them. In the case of an abusive partner, by getting the hell away at the first sign of it!

And yes, I have done my share of OLD. To be honest I found most of the men to be pretty boring. I was single but great social life, good job, lots of friends, busy with the kid etc. most of the single men seemed to be sort of sad. Life on hold till they had a new partner. And that seemed an uneven offering to me. I seems to have more going for me than a lot of the men I met. Having said that, in my 6 months online I had a couple of brief but very enjoyable flings. And met my now DP.