I think DP just left me

[Notsureaboutthisusername]

He's been distant for a while, not talking much, so tonight I decided to ask him if we were OK. He said he didn't know what I was taking about and went back to watching TV.

I started crying, he stayed staring at the TV. Not one bit of reassurance. I carried on crying because I could just tell things weren't right. He eventually said he didn't want to talk about it but is unsure what he wants. Then he left. No idea what to do.

I've no choice but to do practical things. I want to vomit. So badly.

Vomiting/crying/screaming/shouting are all ok too.

Thanks eggy.

I've done some digging and although I had started to think the same about OW. I'm pretty sure it's not the case here. I think he genuinely has just gone mad.

He may well have gone mad and the fact he isn't answering you could be either that he doesn't know the answer to the question or he can't be bothered with another discussion- as he doesn't seem very good at that!

Don't wait around for him to decide. Allow yourself some time to be angry and sad but then be as definitive as he has been in moving forward. I actually think a house move so soon may not be the best- your judgement may well be very clouded- but I do like whereiseggs idea of making the house yours- he cannot keep a foot in both camps.

How are you OP?

Ok, thanks for asking. I went to work today. I've got a job which is kind of life or death and I felt like I couldn't concentrate very well, so now I feel like I'm scared something terrible will happen. I'm in again tomorrow but I think i'm going to tell them what's happened so they don't give me anything too taxing... I still can't really believe it.

Oh you should definitely tell work. They will understand and help you...it's HUGE>

Please don't underestimate what you're going through. Tell them tomorrow for sure. Do you have an understanding boss?

It's various bosses each day, some are better than others. Today it was one I'm not overly comfortable talking to.

People kept asking me why I was there today. Telling me I should call in sick. But I feel a fraud doing that.

I woke up really sad this morning so kind of spent the first few hours struggling.

Definitely tell work- this is a big deal! If you feel you cannot focus then perhaps even see your GP and see if he will sign you off for a week or two as you start to process and manage this new reality. It is very much like a bereavement and many of us would take some time off work in that situation- and they would understand. People won't think less of you, you must be kind to yourself. You will get through this and pull yourself up when you are ready- it doesn't need to be today or tomorrow. Be kind to yourself x

I agree with you telling work, you will be very pleasantly surprised at how much people understand and will help you.

I told the big main boss. She was very kind. She's set in place a plan, so I'm allowed to go home if I need to, or call on sick, or be sent home at a moments notice if they think I'm a zombie.

That's good news! How are you feeling today? Have you got your boy back?

He was here when I got home, he's brought DS and put him to bed. I'm feeling pretty shitty. He said a few things which confirms that it's definitely over (looking for flats, etc etc), so I'm gutted all over again. I can't quite believe it. Again, I'm pissed off that I'm a single mum, he keeps saying I'm not because he'll always be around blah blah.

You are angry because he has put you in a situation you had no control over. You did not choose this life- you chose a family unit- and you are rightfully angry. But remember that neither did you choose uncertainty, distance and anguish- which was what he was offering you latterly. You are in control now- you can and must choose the life you want for you and your son. It seems insurmountable right now but you will do it, I promise you.

Fuck it. I'm going to take out a loan and make my house awesome. New kitchen, new front door. It will be ace.

Careful not to sign up to anything while you're in current frame of mind. Give yourself a break and let life pass you by for a bit...

I'm a few months ahead of you in the process (x left DS and I at Easter). I've come through the angry stage, the begging him to come back stage, the making life difficult for him stage...all very draining, emotionally and physically.

Now I'm resigned to the fact that we will not get back together, and actually, it's not so bad! I've got quality time with DS and quality time for myself, I can do what I want, when I want...the house is peaceful (and tidy!)...heck, I even have a date tonight!

Life goes on, I feel as if I've come through a period of mourning...not the loss of the person, but the loss of the life I thought I was going to have. Priority now is building my new life.

Thanks mum4fergus. The work I want to get done is stuff I've wanted to do for years but have always been put off, by other people.

I'm hoping I'll bypass the begging him to come back phase as deep down I know we weren't right together and I'm not really up for going back and forth with relationships. I'm very excited for the next bit.

That sounds like I'm not bothered, I obviously am, I just want to make the most of my life and not spend years mourning him.

It's good to hear you sounding positive OP...how was the weekend?

Notsure-how are things? Glad to see you are sounding positive but I do echo mum4fergus- dont do anything major right now. By all means, redecorate or plan a break or something but don't make big life decisions like taking out a new loan or a mortgage. Please give yourself time for the dust to settle.

You sound in great spirits and long may it last, but it will also be realistic to expect a crash now and then too. Don't be alarmed or upset if it happens, it's part of the process.

Sorry if it seems in putting a dampner on things. You will move on- but like dieting, slow and steady will ensure its nit superficial and likely to creep back up on you.

Mum4fergus- how was the date?

Oh yes! Let's live vicariously through you! Date details please.

I actually feel good. Our relationship seems to be so so so much better now I've thought honestly how I feel. He was quite controlling and I very nearly broke things off a year ago but decided not to because we were getting on OK, so it felt silly. We had defo had been living as friends rather than anything else for a long time. I'm still really sad we couldn't make it work and it's all a big mess to sort out but I'm looking forward to better things for us all.

Lol not too much to report...it was a second date, and he's keen for a third. I'm in the 'is it too soon after x' phase...lovely guy though