I think DP just left me

[Notsureaboutthisusername]

He's been distant for a while, not talking much, so tonight I decided to ask him if we were OK. He said he didn't know what I was taking about and went back to watching TV.

I started crying, he stayed staring at the TV. Not one bit of reassurance. I carried on crying because I could just tell things weren't right. He eventually said he didn't want to talk about it but is unsure what he wants. Then he left. No idea what to do.

Thank you so much. Our house is on the market because we were meant to be moving out of the area. I was thinking of taking it off the market and just doing some work on the house. But now I'm thinking i would like to move closer to my parents and a nice school. There's a house which looks kind of perfect. Right opposite a lovely park. I'm thinking a fresh start might do some good

That's the spirit...X left DS and I just at Easter. It's not been long in the grand scheme of things but I'm already feeling the benefits of not having him around. Sure there are tough times, but you get through them. Like previous poster x is already seeing that the grass ain't so green but he'll mend him. I'm hell bent on making sure DS and I come out of this happier, healthier and more fulfilled than we ever could have been in that old family unit xx

I'm overwhelmed at how many of you have replied. I know this seems really boring and run of the mill compared to other people's trauma but I am gutted. Xx

No, it's a huge life event and can't be belittled! How old is your son? Is he aware?

Think if how you have been watching your partner's behaviour, tiptoeing around him and then getting no interaction from him when you were miserable. We all deserve better than that. Your partner has made that decision for you and that lack of control if your own situation can throw you, but it is indeed you who is in the driving seat now and make yourself happy.

He's only 2 so doesn't really know. Ex works away a lot anyway so he's used to it being just me and him.

notsure- how are you doing? Still thinking of you. Hope you have had support today x

The house across from the park sounds lovely. I would go and look at it and start making a new life seem a bit more real IYSWIM. Hope you're doing ok.

I'm not great. He's told his parents and grandparents which to me, sounds final. He's booked in for counselling now. But I think it will just confirm that he has bogged off for good.

Just picking up on what you said this morning,
I'm just so sad. Why am I so pathologically unlovable?

Right now you feel powerless and vulnerable after your DP's exit but he doesn't define you. There's a world of people who could find you very lovable, that you just haven't yet come into contact with.

If you really love someone, it's hard to just drop them from your life. Doubly so if you have a child with somebody. Your DP isn't coming out of this shining is he.

You never know what may come out of the counselling. However, you must not put your own life on hold to see what he does. You must continue to move forward without him. He didn't suggest going to counselling together so i agree it looks as if his decision is made.

If he does come back, then it will be negotiated between both of you- it won't just be a given that he's sorted himself out and is ready to pick up where he left off. Alternatively, you might decide you are well rid.

Would you call the tax credit people etc? I'm not sure what to do. Like you say, I don't want to put things in hold but I don't want to get into trouble for making false claims etc

Yes, why not. It gives you peace of mind, also lets you know if you may be eligible for anything else. Are your parents around to support you? Is your ds with you or is he still at his gran's with his dad?

You won't be making a false claim. You will be making a claim based on your current situation. If anything changes, you would, of course, inform them straight away.

And what Spinaroo said.

(About counselling and getting back together, or not, I mean. *Spinaroo has said lots of wise things here, though!)

Ds with me, but going to ex tonight until Friday morning (I'm working). My parents are around, the house I mentioned is right by their house. I hate this limbo stuff.

Glad he is with you at this time. He is your constant!

You will feel in limbo for a bit but can take small steps to take control of the situation. Remember to look after yourself- eat, rest and spend time with people who love you.

I'm so pissed off. He is ignoring me now, I asked this morning if him telling hours family means it's permanent. No reply.

OP I know this is a very, very hard time for you and I don't want to upset you further but it does sound as though there might be another woman involved.

Men don't generally leave like this....and his not answering your question could be him trying to keep his options open.

I would not be at all surprised if there is an infatuation going on here...he's maybe met someone and she's not fully available for whatever reason...making him retreat into himself...and now he's left you, it might not be working out to his satisfaction.

If he has DS for two nights what will you be doing?

I'm working.

So you'll be busy which is good. You seem very calm....are you?

You make it permanent.
Stop waiting for him to tell something other than what he has already told you.
He's made it clear he doesn't love you and doesn't want to be with you.
Take control of yours and your DC future.
Go and see the house.
Make plans to move closer.
See a solicitor to get advice regarding finances etc...
Limbo is no good.
Time for you to be pro-active and get your life moving forward without this arse in it!

I think you need to consider it final.
Take back some control, tell him he's got x amount of days to get his stuff, paint the living room the colour you wanted but he hated, move the furniture round etc.

Make the house yours, make your life yours.

X-post hells, wise advice!

I'm not calm. I'm flicking between "ok fuck it! I'm not taking him back anyway" and "oh, I want him home"

I've rung the tax credits people. Sorted. They have me details of maintenance stuff. X

You are still doing practical things so that is great.
Your emotions will be a complete roller coaster for a while yet.
Keep focussed on you and DC!