My 58 year old mother is pregnant by her husband that is younger than her children!!!!

[freakedthefckout]

So my mum is 58, her husband is 34, they got married last year after they had broke up because he wanted children, now they are married and today they told me she is pregnant.

My mum had a son when she was 16, kept him until he was 5 years old and then gave him away apprantley because my dad wasn't very nice to him (my dad is not her sons dad) and my mum already had my older sister(with m y dad) and kept her.

When my younger brother was a teenager my mum and dad broke up and as my brother was a naughty teenager she decided it would be better for my brother to stay with my dad. There was alot of issues and family dramas which resulted in my mum and my little brother not speaking from when he was 14 to now he is 23.

So basically she felt at the time it was easier for my teenage brother not to be around so she could be with her new young partner that is 24 years younger than her, she has two children older than him.

Anyway she has been with this same young guy for about 9 years and they got marrried last year and now she is pregnant.

WTF I cannot get my head around it, my dd is very close with my mum and we spend alot of time with her. They have a very string bond and as I am a single parent my mum helps out alot.

Anyway I think its very weird that a 58 year old woman would have a child. she basically gave up two children beacuse of the men she was with at the time and now she is having a baby at such a late age in desperation to keep a man.

Also she is not a fit and healthy 58 year old, she has angina and high cholesterol and a thryoid problem. Why on eath do they both think its a good idea to put her body through this at this time in her life?

I know its their decision etc and not really my business, but when they told me i got very angry and quite frankly lost it. I just think they are weird and out of order. It is also unfair to this baby to have such and old mum, when this kid is 10 its mum will be not far off 70!!!! How is that fair?

I just needed to get it off my chest, I'm really not sure if I can be around them anymore I think they are too weird and too selfish.

[freakedthefckout]

I'm not sure if she is under specialist care or not! After I was shouting at them and left my mum then told my brother that I was saying this could kill her etc but she has had test done and it's all fine, my brother didn't ask a lot of questions!

I just think a woman of that age with angina having a baby is not a great idea and very dangerous to her health!

[Deverethemuzzler]

A 58 year old pregnant woman would definately be under consultant care at the very least.

Find alternative childcare. You need to walk away if this is upsetting you.
It doesn't sound like you owe her anything but you don't have the right to dictate what she does with her body either.
However bizarre her actions.

I am still not convinced. You only have her word for it. Just because it's possible it doesn't make it probable.

She sounds a bit of a nightmare generally.

[grobagsforever]

OP I really think your mum is deluding herself about the pregnancy - the lack of detail and information about consultant care are key clues. I honestly wouldn't panic until you've seen medical proof.

[paddleduck]

Op you have been given a fair bit of stick- ignore them. This whole situation is nuts.. Especially if your mother is in fact pregnant.

My mother is a shoddy parent too and I 'get' what you mean when you say about your family being so used to a disfunctional family existence that they are not finding it as outrageous as you are.

I would completely lose my shit if I were in your position too. .Equally i would not put it past my own mum either! I really feel for you.

If you do not want to be involved in this, then I think it would be less damaging to remove your DM from your dd life than it would be to have her growing up in a situation that could end very badly.. or the inevitable difficulties of your own relationship with her. I'd be moving away. But that's me.


waits to get flamed


If she's lying, which is a high possibility .. I'd still be reconsidering my involvement.


Fwiw I think the most probable outcome of this is that they did go to Cyprus for treatment, and when it didn't work she panicked and made thus whole mess up.

[kaykayblue]

Okay, you seriously need to calm down.

I could totally understand your reaction if you were focussing on the fact that your mother is an utterly shit parent. Who the fuck gives away a child simply because their new boyfriend doesn't like them? Jesus, even cats make better mothers than her.

BUT. That's not what you are focussing on, really, when you are getting upset about this. You are more upset about the "freak show" and "weirdness" of an older woman having a baby.

This is despite the fact that she's a married woman (it's not like she got up the duff on some club med holiday one night stand), together with a husband who you know has always wanted children.

You don't sound ashamed about the fact that she essentially dumped your brother once you and your other siblings came along. You sound more ashamed about the other mothers in the playground finding out that your kid's grandmother is pregnant. That's a really, really shitty attitude. For shame.

Ultimately, whilst I can understand that this would be a huge shock to you, this is absolutely none of your business. If you can't get over the fact that she is having another child, or for reasons that you don't agree with, or at an age you don't agree with....cut contact with her.

Maybe her health with fail during the pregnancy, maybe she won't be able to carry to term, maybe the baby with have health problems, maybe she will die before the baby reaches adolescence....

None of that is your problem, or your business.

If you are worried about her being a bad parent...well, what can you do? Being there for the child would be the high road. Removing yourself from the situation and keeping the ignorance is bliss approach would be the low road (but an understandable one).

If she is pregnant, it's already done.

[AnAirOfHope82]

As if removing her self from the situation is the low road. No its the most senciable adult way forward.

Why should remaining and enableing dysfunstional behaviour be a moral high ground? Its not assertive its patrionizing at best and martydom at worst.

Op just leave them to it and remove yourself anf dd out of this situation and get these people out of your life.

Foucse on your family and life. You have no responsabiloty for your mum or her unborn child her dh does.

I think you need to go nc and get councoiling for the dysfunctional upbringing.

[MiscellaneousAssortment]

But kay she does sound upset and ashamed about her mother abandoning her first child. Very much so in fact.

I agree the OP isn't choosing her language very well, but she's also in shock and writing when very upset.

[Fairenuff]

I don't think there are high or low grounds. That implies some moral choice.

Just do what is best for you and your dd, OP which, at the moment, would be to take a step back, arrange alternative childcare, let your dm get on with her life, her decisions and see what happens.

[SomethingVicardThisWayComes]

how are you doing OP?

[kaykayblue]

I disagree that there isn't a moral choice IF the OP thinks that her mother would be a truly terrible mother to this new child. This kid is going to be the OP's half sister/brother - not some complete stranger. The high ground would be to look out for them if you think they will have a really rough time.

That doesn't make the low road some kind of intrinsically evil thing to do - that's why I said it would be an understandable route to take.

One would probably be much less stressful for the OP and her child, and the other would be way more stressful, but potentially kinder to her half sibling. There's no right or wrong decision to be made here for the OP, with regards to whether to remain in contact with her mum.

I don't know what the OP is most upset about. Only she does. But it's things like this that make me believe it's more about the age difference in the relationship/age of her mother that she is most freaked out about.

But I have to decide if it would be more damaging to break my mums and dds relationship or to let my dd stay around them all with their weird situation!

What "weird situation"? A husband and wife having a baby?

I just think a woman of that age with angina having a baby is not a great idea and very dangerous to her health!

Well no, it isn't ideal, but she's already pregnant.

Now she has been asking me if I will say sorry to my mum and right now I feel like I don't want my dd anywhere near her because it's like a freak show with them

What about this child they are not giving a crap that this child won't have a mum for very long, that is so unfair and selfish!

Put it this way my mum is a grandmother of 5 children in total. The oldest will be 14 soon! Now she is having a baby??

Keema - I honestly don't want to ruin the relationship between my mum and dd but I just feel like it's so bizarre, my dd will be going to school and telling people all about this, I don't want anyone to know! I barley told anyone about my mum being with a man so young and now they are having a child great.

[SouthernComforts]

Have you spoken to your mum yet OP? Is she pregnant?

[freakedthefckout]

Southern - I havnt spoke to her but she has spoken to my brother and sister and she is pregnant.

She has text me asking to see my dd and my dd wants to see her but I havnt replied as yet.

I still don't want to be involved with this situation but my dd really loves my mum and wants to see her I am feeling quite torn on this matter!

[notapizzaeater]

What a stressful,situation for all of you,

Regardless of her decisions you need to make some sort of peace.

[rustnmarty]

How are things OP ? Have you had a chance to speak to your mum and find some peaceful ground ?

[Shazam24]

Right I get that maybe your mum didnt treat your siblings too well. But from your own words shes great with your dd and you all soend a lot of time together? So maybe shes changed from when she was younger?

And tbh i think you shoukd butt out. This doesnt affect you at all. Your mums not asking you to raise her baby. Its hardly a freak show somone expecting a baby. Is it? If her and her dp are happy then fair do's. Stopping contact eith her granddaughter? For what? Becsuse your having a temper tantrum? Grow up your daughter is not a aeapon to be used and why should she miss out on time with her grandma because your in a strop?

Seriously, if your not happy about the situation then dont talk about it to your mother and tell.her you dont want to talk about it. But shouting at her and her dp then stopping her seeing your daughter is very

[Shazam24]

malicious.

[allisgood1]

Sorry this just does not add up at all

[TheXxed]

OP I am stunned at some of the responses on this thread.

Honestly your mum sounds fucking awful I was going to say something else but I had to restrain myself. Who gives away their FIVE year old child to placate their new husband. Jesus wept.

Maryz you said something along the lines of maybe she will get the hang of it this time, Lord Jesus how many attempts would you like this heifer to have?

Kaykay I think you are conflating to separate things, the wider debate about older parents and the OPs situation. This thread is not an attack on people being older parents.

Devere gave some great advice, in the long run this situation will only get worse just run!

[doziedoozie]

It sounds like you have only recently been close to your DM and you are happy that she has redeemed herself by being kind to your DD.

But possibly the pregnancy, and the fact that she is putting her needs before yours and your DD's is stirring up strong feelings that you have repressed up until now and might explain your anger and disappointment.

Understandable, because after her many selfish decisions during your and your siblings childhood she is now a 'normal' DGM. Or was. Deciding to have a baby at 58 is pretty weird, that is late on anyone's spectrum. And it and she will definitely be at the centre of local gossip.

You will have to bide your time OP, perhaps gradually reduce contact with DM, but your DD will see nothing wrong with things unless you tell her there is. The pregnancy might not go to term, your DM might be very ill. But it is how it is. Give yourself time to rethink your and DD's future.

[Missunreasonable]

I am baffled by why your mum has been providing free childcare if you think she is so weird and incapable of looking after a child. Surely if you think she is such an inept person and mother you would not want her to be unsupervised with your child.

Whilst I can understand your shock and appreciate that your reaction might be due to the shock I don't understand your embarrassment or shame.
Plenty of people are in age gap relationships and have children. One partner being younger doesn't mean that they should feel ashamed or embarrassed about their relationship.
The only concerns that you should have are due to your mothers track record as a mother and her health situation. If she and her husband have paid for IVF then they probably really want this child (or at least of them really wants it) so hopefully things will be different this time around. I would probably take some comfort from the knowledge that the father who has no poor track record of parenting is the younger of the two as he will be able to be a single parent if needs be in the future.

By all means, shock is a natural reaction but you need to stop feeling embarrassed and worrying about yourself.

[doziedoozie]

I do understand your embarrassment and shame - she is your mother not the next door neighbour.

[Missunreasonable]

But to be embarrassed because her mother is in an age gap relationship (because she was embarrassed about that way before the pregnancy)? Plenty of people are in age gap relationships but that doesn't make them weird and shouldn't be the source of feelings of shame.

[doziedoozie]

I don't know. In theory your are right Miss, some people are v happy in gender gap relationships but this is a big gap, but in practice you don't want people whispering or mocking your DM, or you as a part of it. For sure they will.
It would be like me marrying my SonIL, then having a baby to him - unthinkable!!!!!! And even more unthinkable to my DCs. I think she is entitled to be embarrassed.

[diddl]

how much time will your mum have for your daughter when she has a newborn?

Might be best to gradually withdraw.

[Missunreasonable]

I don't know. In theory your are right Miss, some people are v happy in gender gap relationships but this is a big gap, but in practice you don't want people whispering or mocking your DM, or you as a part of it. For sure they will.

I would think that my mothers happiness is far more important than what other people think. I know a couple with 25 years age gap between them and they have been together for almost 20 years. Their relationship has outlived those of the sniggerers and whispering brigade, they are very happy together and have raised their children remarkably well.
I think only judgmental busy bodies would care about another couples age gap whether it is two years or forty years.