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Relationships

My 58 year old mother is pregnant by her husband that is younger than her children!!!!

200 replies

freakedthefckout · 03/08/2014 01:25

So my mum is 58, her husband is 34, they got married last year after they had broke up because he wanted children, now they are married and today they told me she is pregnant.

My mum had a son when she was 16, kept him until he was 5 years old and then gave him away apprantley because my dad wasn't very nice to him (my dad is not her sons dad) and my mum already had my older sister(with m y dad) and kept her.

When my younger brother was a teenager my mum and dad broke up and as my brother was a naughty teenager she decided it would be better for my brother to stay with my dad. There was alot of issues and family dramas which resulted in my mum and my little brother not speaking from when he was 14 to now he is 23.

So basically she felt at the time it was easier for my teenage brother not to be around so she could be with her new young partner that is 24 years younger than her, she has two children older than him.

Anyway she has been with this same young guy for about 9 years and they got marrried last year and now she is pregnant.

WTF I cannot get my head around it, my dd is very close with my mum and we spend alot of time with her. They have a very string bond and as I am a single parent my mum helps out alot.

Anyway I think its very weird that a 58 year old woman would have a child. she basically gave up two children beacuse of the men she was with at the time and now she is having a baby at such a late age in desperation to keep a man.

Also she is not a fit and healthy 58 year old, she has angina and high cholesterol and a thryoid problem. Why on eath do they both think its a good idea to put her body through this at this time in her life?

I know its their decision etc and not really my business, but when they told me i got very angry and quite frankly lost it. I just think they are weird and out of order. It is also unfair to this baby to have such and old mum, when this kid is 10 its mum will be not far off 70!!!! How is that fair?

I just needed to get it off my chest, I'm really not sure if I can be around them anymore I think they are too weird and too selfish.

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KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 03/08/2014 11:16

I sympathise. Your mother has a lousy track record with children and now at a time when she is old and her body will struggle to cope with it, she gets pregnant post menopause.

And for what? To make her DH happy?

I think what she's doing is foolish in the extreme, both health wise and also for the care of the child. Babies knackered me and DH out in our late 30s and early 40s. At 60+ coping with broken sleep and the constant needs of a baby will be too much.

Don't let it ruin her relationship with your DD, that wouldn't be fair and also I expect that once the shock has worn off, you'll be able to cope with it better as well.

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ChocolateWombat · 03/08/2014 11:18

I would put money on this lady turning out to NOT be pregnant.

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Limer · 03/08/2014 11:19

I agree with ChocolateWombat, get the full back story here and proof of the pregnancy. Exhaustion and missed periods could be due to the menopause!

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SuburbanRhonda · 03/08/2014 11:23

Tbh, I wouldn't know whether it's better or worse if it turns our OP's mum is not pregnant at all and has made it all up. Sad

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freakedthefckout · 03/08/2014 11:25

Sells and Elsie -

Thank you for the support obviously I M finding it very hard to process and I appreciate the support.

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hesterton · 03/08/2014 11:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

freakedthefckout · 03/08/2014 11:27

Keema - I honestly don't want to ruin the relationship between my mum and dd but I just feel like it's so bizarre, my dd will be going to school and telling people all about this, I don't want anyone to know! I barley told anyone about my mum being with a man so young and now they are having a child great.

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freakedthefckout · 03/08/2014 11:31

With regards to some posters saying it may not be true, I really wish that was the case but unfortunately I doubt it.

When I tried to explain to her husband that he is selfish for wanting my mum to do this and there is a massive chance the baby could have down-syndrome, my mum said no this baby is fine which made me believe they have had some sort of test to confirm the baby doesn't have Down syndrome!

Also to the poster that said her husband is a selfish arse to demand she does that, he actually isn't very pushy, I think it is more likely all her doing just in order to keep him as he left a few times because he wanted children.

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freakedthefckout · 03/08/2014 11:34

Hester - yes I agree te only choice I have in this is if I will support her or not and that is what I am trying to work out.

Like I said before I am not happy with my reaction but it is a massive issue and if your mother told you at the age of 58 nearly 59 she was having a child I think you may react badly too!

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DoItTooJulia · 03/08/2014 11:34

Oh OP, this sounds tough.

However, I do think you need to be kind to your mum, it sounds like she needs you.

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LEMmingaround · 03/08/2014 11:35

Did she have ivf?

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freakedthefckout · 03/08/2014 11:43

I think she must have had ivf, another poster mentioned in Cyprus they do ivf for post menopause women! She has been there twice in the last year!

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Vitalstatistix · 03/08/2014 11:59

Clearly at 58 she has had medical intervention. Was there not a case of a woman in her 60s having a child that way?

Unless she isn't carrying the child herself but is telling people she is? I wonder if the hiding away you describe is relevant? Maybe not, just a thought. I suppose there is no way that your mum is telling her husband she is pregnant but she actually isn't? Has he been to the dating scan with her?

I understand that you must have a great many thoughts and feelings about this. Given her history with her children I expect that you are worried about how this child will be treated by her too. That's not an unreasonable concern. I can't imagine how I would feel in your shoes but I bet I'd have pretty much the feelings you describe too!

But you have no control, no say, no part in the decision making, so your choice here is to accept or not and nothing more. Harsh as that sounds. You can judge as much as you like but that has zero affect on the outcome and will only cause upset and bad feeling. This child is coming. What are you going to do? Ignore it? Ignore your mum? Or accept that you will have another brother or sister and deal with that?

If the father is much younger, and it is him that really wants the child, maybe he will be an excellent and loving father and raise the child well. If your mother's age means the child is left only with a father at a young age, that will be very sad, but it does happen and there really isn't a lot to be done about it.

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Opinionated7 · 03/08/2014 12:20

There's a problem when your daughter will have an Uncle or Aunt that is younger than them...

I understand your reaction and would definitely be feeling the same way. All those calling for handholding need to take a reality check, I'm almost certain you'd react in the same way the OP has.

Personally I'd be steering well clear.

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Charley50 · 03/08/2014 12:39

OP I think you've had an unreasonably hard time from many posters on here. Your reaction was/is totally understandable and rational IMO. You feel that she wasn't a great mother at least to your two brothers, who using emotive terms, she kind of threw away when the going got slightly tough. She's also approaching old age, so will probably find the difficult bits if parenting even more difficult.
It's natural for you to have freaked out about this. I would have too in your situation and I feel sorry for you in this. I don't think you have to go NC but neither should you feel obliged to 'support' your mum in her crazy decision.

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Charley50 · 03/08/2014 12:41

Bearing in mind support will probably mean a lot of actual looking after the child, for many years to come. Sorry for typos in previous post.

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Viviennemary · 03/08/2014 12:45

I think it is highly unlikely if not impossible that your mother would have conceived naturally. No point in you getting into a huge panic yet. I expect it will turn out she isn't pregnant after all unless she has sought treatment abroad.

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LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 03/08/2014 12:51

There's bound to be media interest in this. The wedding poem thing was only a week or so ago.

Just saying.

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hamptoncourt · 03/08/2014 13:02

There's a problem when your daughter will have an Uncle or Aunt that is younger than them...

Opinionated Why?

I have a much younger brother who is a similar age to my eldest child. It has never posed us any problems as a family or as individuals.

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freakedthefckout · 03/08/2014 13:10

Charley - thank you for your support I am finding this very difficult and I do appreciate the support

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freakedthefckout · 03/08/2014 13:12

Viven - I think she had had ivf, she had been to Cyprus twice in the last year once to get married and I assume once to have ivf.

I think she is defiantly pregnant and if it turned out she wasn't I would be much happier but I am certain she is

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GarlicAugustus · 03/08/2014 14:03

OK, I apologise for saying I didn't think your mum was pregnant. I get that you're worried she'll cock it all up, but I still think your reaction's way over the top I'm afraid. She's a grown-up. Her husband's a grown-up. Their personal decisions are actually nothing to do with you. It's not as if you can try and talk her out of it, she's already pregnant. Just go along with it. Your DD will like having another baby in the family, won't she?

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lljkk · 03/08/2014 14:16

I posted on here [because] I just don't know what to do in this situation

How would you want her to react if you had a child when she thought you weren't well placed to bring it up? You'd want her to be supportive of little things & bite her tongue about big things. So I'd do that. I'd be as supportive of possible of the 2nd husband, too.

Not supposed to say this on MN, triggering and all that, but (even with donor eggs) her odds of successfully completing this pregnancy aren't very high. I'd be bracing myself for that possibility.

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Pinkfrocks · 03/08/2014 14:17

I love the typo/ spelling of defiantly pregnant! Grin How apt...

But OP- IVF doesnt involve just 1 trip somewhere- if she had a donor egg, ok maybe- but they'd be really lucky to have it work first time in an older woman.

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Pinkfrocks · 03/08/2014 14:24

Op
I can see why you are upset. But this is just another incident in the life of a woman who appears to have little regard for anyone but herself- had 2 children adopted ( or whatever) , married a man young enough to be her son, and now says she is PG.

Are you really that shocked?

Why?

It's her choice but I assume your nose is out of joint because she wasn't a good mother to you or your siblings, and now she is supposedly having another child in late middle age- whether the PG goes full term or the marriage lasts is dubious, IMO.

As others have said she may not be PG- maybe there is a surrogate mother somewhere?

Did she have enough money for IVF?

In your shoes I'd think about having counselling because you have alot of anger stored up around your mum and it seems as if it's not going to go away.

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