My 58 year old mother is pregnant by her husband that is younger than her children!!!!

[freakedthefckout]

So my mum is 58, her husband is 34, they got married last year after they had broke up because he wanted children, now they are married and today they told me she is pregnant.

My mum had a son when she was 16, kept him until he was 5 years old and then gave him away apprantley because my dad wasn't very nice to him (my dad is not her sons dad) and my mum already had my older sister(with m y dad) and kept her.

When my younger brother was a teenager my mum and dad broke up and as my brother was a naughty teenager she decided it would be better for my brother to stay with my dad. There was alot of issues and family dramas which resulted in my mum and my little brother not speaking from when he was 14 to now he is 23.

So basically she felt at the time it was easier for my teenage brother not to be around so she could be with her new young partner that is 24 years younger than her, she has two children older than him.

Anyway she has been with this same young guy for about 9 years and they got marrried last year and now she is pregnant.

WTF I cannot get my head around it, my dd is very close with my mum and we spend alot of time with her. They have a very string bond and as I am a single parent my mum helps out alot.

Anyway I think its very weird that a 58 year old woman would have a child. she basically gave up two children beacuse of the men she was with at the time and now she is having a baby at such a late age in desperation to keep a man.

Also she is not a fit and healthy 58 year old, she has angina and high cholesterol and a thryoid problem. Why on eath do they both think its a good idea to put her body through this at this time in her life?

I know its their decision etc and not really my business, but when they told me i got very angry and quite frankly lost it. I just think they are weird and out of order. It is also unfair to this baby to have such and old mum, when this kid is 10 its mum will be not far off 70!!!! How is that fair?

I just needed to get it off my chest, I'm really not sure if I can be around them anymore I think they are too weird and too selfish.

[StealthPolarBear]

Thanks womb I didn't know that, that's interesting

[herecomesthsun]

ivf if used would probably be with eggs from a much younger woman, no in creased risk of Downs therefore, but miscarriage risk wd be high,

[freakedthefckout]

Awomb - i think my sister was maybe 1 at the time, I'm not exactly sure as my mum never really spoke about it and I only found out by accident from one of my cousins.

My mum is not very good with emotions so doesn't talk about stuff.

[AWombWithoutARoof]

There's loads on info on the Harmony test on the antenatal test boards, if anyone is interested. Pricey, but non-invasive like an amniocentesis, so there's no risk.

[StealthPolarBear]

Do I vaguely remember a (daily mail I assume) headline about a grandmother and granddaughter pregnant at the same time??

[AWombWithoutARoof]

Does her husband plan to be hands on? Does your mum work?

[BoysAreLikeDogs]

Yes, good points Suburban

[AtiaoftheJulii]

I think you need to grow up and calm down, and stop saying things like "freak show". You may well be worried about your mother's health, but perhaps you should try being as supportive to her as she has been to you.

[freakedthefckout]

Surbur - I agree with you it was a terrible way to react and I feel terrible for doing that with my dd there. But it all happened very quickly and I couldn't control my reaction, however as soon as I saw my dd crying I stopped and took her out I the house and apologised for being angry and shouting. I then took her home to have a chat and cuddles. I do feel terrible and I don't normally shout like that around my dd.

[freakedthefckout]

My mum doesn't work, I'm not sure what her husbands plans are but obviously he will have to continue to work so I'm guessing that means she will be looking after the baby! How she will cope with that I have no idea!

I have mentioned she has some health concerns but generally she is ok and not ill a lot. She just seems in a weird slump as she doesn't go out and about a lot and hasn't done for a long time now, she pretty much stays at home and goes to the shops or market and back to home.

I have never heard of the harmony test is that done through blood tests? As she did have some blood tests a week or two ago!

[gamerchick]

Sounds like you're more bothered about potentially losing the help your mother gives you and your daughter being pushed out.

[freakedthefckout]

Atia - yes the things I'm saying may not sound very mature, but she put her self in this risky situation, why should I be the one to look after her when I disagree with the situation so much?

My older sister and her didn't speak for around 6/7 years and now they do talk they don't have a great relationship.

My younger brother only started talking to her with the last 1-2 months and I'm not sure how he will take this.

He has had a lot of issues in his life and a lot of anger due to not having his mum in his life since the age of 14! Now they have started talking thy are getting on so well and they are both really happy to be in each other's life again. Now I am worried how my brother will take this.

[AtiaoftheJulii]

Well, that first trimester is knackering! (And by my fourth pregnancy seemed to last for about twenty weeks, and I was only 31.)

And yes to gamerchick - classic sibling jealousy :)

[freakedthefckout]

Gamer - of course I am worried about loosing the help my mum gives - if I was going to say that's not an issue I would be lying.

But as I disagree so much with this situation I just feel like I don't want to be involved with them, which then means my dd won't be involved with them and I am very upset to stop my mum and my dds relationship. But how can I take my dd to spend time with someone that I disagree so much with her actions.

Put it this way my mum is a grandmother of 5 children in total. The oldest will be 14 soon! Now she is having a baby??

[freakedthefckout]

Anyway the reason I posted on here was because I just don't know what to do in this situation.

I absolutely disagree with all of it and it seems like a few of you think it's weird and I should keep my dd away from my mum, while some of you think I should be there to look after my mum while she has a baby at this age?

[hamptoncourt]

I agree with atia, you don't sound very supportive.

Reading between the lines are you just worried your DM won't be able to look after your DD as much?

I personally wouldn't consider having a child at such an age, but it is her decision.

You need to take a step back.

[StoneTheFlamingCrows]

I'm sorry I know this must be a terrible shock , but you are starting to sound rather selfish.

You are obviously usually close to your mum as she helps you out a lot. What is wring with supporting her? Are you just worried about losing free childcare? How would you like it if she was judgemental about your life choices?

[freakedthefckout]

How can I not be judgemental?

She is only having a child in order to keep her husband, clearly she doesn't want a child as she had 4 gave one away aged 5, stopped talking to one aged 14 and didn't speak to one for around 6 years!

[MrsRuffdiamond]

Are you worried, deep down, that given your mum's health and age, you are in danger of being expected to take on more than 'sisterly' role with this new baby, if anything happens to your mum, or she can't cope - that your roles will be reversed, in effect?

[Whilewildeisonmine]

It is a very unusual situation to be in and I understand you're upset but would you really throw away your relationship with your mother and sibling because you find it weird? How do you think your own daughter will feel about that?

[Selks]

Some very snipey comments here towards the OP. Anyone in her position would be shocked. She is just being open about her feelings here and wanting to be able to talk it through. Is it not possible for her to do that here without these barbed comments?

[Limer]

If she really is only having a baby to keep her husband, she'll need lots of support and help. He sounds like a total arse to demand that she puts herself through a very high-risk pregnancy and birth (given her age).

[ICanHearYou]

This has happened OP, no amount of kicking and screaming, making waves and refusing contact will change that this is happening. The fact is that you have a little half brother or sister coming along regardless of how you feel about it. Get your poker face on, help your mum out and just live with it.

[ChocolateWombat]

It sounds far fetched to me.
OP I would ask your mother how far gone she is and to see the scan picture or some other evidence. I would ask if she has had IVF and probe for details about when it happened, how she found out etc etc.
Could be she THINKS she is pregnant but isn't. Or could be she is making it up for some reason.
Sorry to sound so sceptical, but the whole description of the family suggests a situation where people hurtle from one crisis to another, and bizarre tales are often heavily involved in it all.

[ElsieMc]

I can see you are really shocked by the situation. It is easy for people to criticise when not being a party to your difficult family dynamics.

I am a carer for two young children whose mum couldn't look after them for sensitive reasons. I am 52 now and became a grandmother at 40. I can tell you from difficult experience that there is a huge difference between 40 and 50.

I know I am a good and loving carer for the children, but I know that I am too old. I have good health and look young but I feel sad for them, for their situation. I bet you are feeling outrage at the moment and given some time, your feelings will settle down. I am not saying you will come round nor am I telling you what to feel.

I sometimes feel overwhelmed by the future and also mourn for my loss of independence which sounds very selfish. For those who have described you as selfish, you are not at all. You simply want the status quo to remain and your daughter's place in your mum's affections. That is just a normal, human reaction.

This will be incredibly difficult for your mum and given what you have said, I simply don't know if she can make it with this child.