Would you rather have a romantic or practical partner/ DH?

[Walrusthesaurus]

Only one- not both!

DH is a good man but lacks any romantic gene.
I often feel 'let down' and sometimes wonder.....

I do tend to wonder if by 'romantic' I mean 'thoughtful'.

He's steady, honest, and a great dad. But the day before my wedding my mum confided to my bridesmaid and best friend that she was worried DH didn't make me feel 'special'. And she's right.

On the one hand he will come home with paper for the pc (I use it mainly working from home) and he will maintain the pc etc. He will check out my car before I do a long journey.

On the other hand I never get flowers, the 'right' kind of presents ( he chooses rubbish stuff and doesn't seem to have a clue what I like) no little phone calls or texts during the day except for practical stuff.

Today I went back to bed after getting up- mega period pains and felt terrible. This is not a monthly thing- too old for that! - he went and did a bit of shopping and I just thought how touching it would have been to have bought me some flowers or a gesture like that. In his shoes, I would have.

The only time he has got his brain into gear on things like this was some years back when we were getting on very very badly and I was seriously thinking of leaving. Why does he need that kind of scenario to change his behaviour?

What does your DH/DP do?

Even if most people (on this thread anyway) prefer practical, it doesn't mean the OP has to.

I really think it's a false dichotomy anyway. My husband is completely dependable and trustworthy, it doesn't mean he's incapable of being sweet and thoughtful too.

It's not that the OP's DH is a bad guy, they are perhaps just ill-matched in this regard. It doesn't mean the OP's feelings aren't valid.

Yes, that's true. But I do think the OP is being a bit unrealistic in expecting him to change after 30 years of marriage!

He's gone as far as saying 'fine, get it if you like because I've spent that ( and more) on bikes' but he never takes it to the next step- such as let's sort that out. For me, a ring is something that should have some meaning and be a shared experience- but he shows no interest at all.

Okay. Let's look at this. The ring is important to you. Sounds like his bikes are important to him. They are priced relatively similarly. How much interest have you taken in what bikes he purchases? Perhaps he thinks this is just an accessory, not necessarily a "meaningful" item IYSWIM.

I would suggest that sit down with him and explain to him that this is something that you would like the both of you to do together, and just ask him to go ring shopping with you, if that's what you'd like. He's not a mind reader, and maybe simply doesn't get what you mean. It sounds like you've dropped some broad hints, but have you actually sat down and said "this is important to me on an emotional level, and I'd like you to be involved in it"??

Never understood the ring thing myself. Expecting a shiny bauble when you have a child - you've got a baby what more would a ring give you.

My engagement ring was a cheap ring but he spent all his savings on it when we were students. The teeny tiny diamond fell out years later and I've never bothered to replace it. My wedding ring means the most to me.

I think Alice has a good point. I can't imagine ever buying my DH a ring, (though I'd love to pore over magazines & websites with him and find him the perfect new bike ) but if he told me it was important to him, I would :)

I think you just need to say to him 'on Saturday we are goin ring shopping'
And buy your own flowers with the weekly shop. Honestly, I know a lot of women like this.

My SIL added thousands onto the price of what her dh to be offered in terms of a budget to her ring. (I wouldn't like to do that and was happy with a 1000 pound ring) but the amoun of people who do is unreal.

I've got both, but if I had to choose, I'd choose romantic. I can pay someone to do the practical stuff (which I wouldn't bother doing myself, so why should he?). Though I'd probably moan if he stopped taking out the rubbish, changing light bulbs, unblocking sinks etc. The bigger stuff like rewiring the house I'd much rather pay someone to do.

I get lovely texts throughout the day, flowers for no reason, little gifts etc. we've only been together for 5 years so it's probably only because it's early days!

There is a book about different kind if love, can't quite remember the name if it. In summit at, it says that different people express their live in different ways and different people will think you are showing love with different things. Some will go for the 'romantic' and emotional stuff with flowers etc. some will prefer words and declarations. Others will prefer day to day gestures like a cuddle etc.
There is nothing wrong with any if them but you need to bear in mind that if your DH thinks that a loving gesture is to repair the shower and your idea is for him to buy you a ring, then it might make it harder for him to do what you would hope he is doing (1- it won't come automatically to him and 2- he us likely to get it wrong).

My other comment from your last post is :
don't use your DH as an excuse to buy an expensive ring and not to feel guilty about it. Either you can afford it and you are both happy with it and it's ok it it's not. You don't need your DH to 'validate' your buy because you see it as an indulgence.

I made DH get me a half eternity ring after DS1 was born - but I got it for our first anniversary as well, and it was a (very) belated 40th birthday present, as I'd not got one at the time, since Mum had just died and it was all a bit sad; and primarily I asked him to do it because I didn't have an engagement ring. I had sort of got around that by having a wedding ring with diamonds in it - but the half eternity ring sort of finished the job.

Didn't get anything for DS2 though, and didn't ask.

If forced to choose I'd go for practical. I'm hopelessly impractical myself (though I am trying to change) and it's useful for at least one person in the house to be good at handling that stuff! Obviously I would just have to cope if I was alone, but as it is I have almost daily reason to be thankful for DH's knowledge of how things work. And I do feel loved when he steps in to deal with things that would otherwise make my life harder.

I can do without flowers and surprise perfect presents, being whisked away to Paris and so on. But what I couldn't do without is a DP who will treat me with affection and generosity. So he doesn't have to think up the perfect present for me all by himself, or write sonnets about my knees or whatever, but he can't just (for example) opt out of presents altogether just because he finds it hard to guess what I'd like. If that makes sense. I honestly don't mind choosing my own birthday present every year, but I'd be really hurt if he took zero interest in what I'd chosen or was obviously reluctant to give me anything at all. And I need someone who's comfortable saying "I love you".

When I first met my current partner (20 years ago) he thought he was soooo romantic - e.g. garage flowers, box of chocolates, champagne. I explained that I don't like cut flowers, don't eat chocolate and prefer beer to champagne. Didn't stop him though, because "that's what women like": as someone said upthread I found that lazy and insincere. One day he did a practical job for me and I was delighted and touched - that's thoughtful/romantic IMO, but he still didn't get it.

In the end I invited him round to football on the tv with a bucket of KFC and a case of lager "because that's what men like" - result!!

He is outstandingly practical and I'm accident prone - we joke that together we are "fuck it and fix it". Practical gets my vote every time, especially when you don't have to ask - that shows thoughtfulness too.

He still thinks I'm weird and unnatural though, so I've cut and pasted a few of these posts to show I'm not the only one.

I think I would rather have practical. My partner is not romantic at all. He doesn't see the point in buying flowers as he says they just die. Romantic gestures are all very nice but if they are useless around the home then there is nothing more annoying.

@dreamingbohemian, Well said! I have read through most of these comments and what you have said makes so much sense. If I point blank had to choose one over the other, I'd go with genuine romance, but that means different things to different people.