Would you rather have a romantic or practical partner/ DH?

[Walrusthesaurus]

Only one- not both!

DH is a good man but lacks any romantic gene.
I often feel 'let down' and sometimes wonder.....

I do tend to wonder if by 'romantic' I mean 'thoughtful'.

He's steady, honest, and a great dad. But the day before my wedding my mum confided to my bridesmaid and best friend that she was worried DH didn't make me feel 'special'. And she's right.

On the one hand he will come home with paper for the pc (I use it mainly working from home) and he will maintain the pc etc. He will check out my car before I do a long journey.

On the other hand I never get flowers, the 'right' kind of presents ( he chooses rubbish stuff and doesn't seem to have a clue what I like) no little phone calls or texts during the day except for practical stuff.

Today I went back to bed after getting up- mega period pains and felt terrible. This is not a monthly thing- too old for that! - he went and did a bit of shopping and I just thought how touching it would have been to have bought me some flowers or a gesture like that. In his shoes, I would have.

The only time he has got his brain into gear on things like this was some years back when we were getting on very very badly and I was seriously thinking of leaving. Why does he need that kind of scenario to change his behaviour?

What does your DH/DP do?

[ExcuseTypos]

My DH sounds the same as monkeyfacegrace's. He brings me flowers once a week, writes me songs on the guitar, brings me endless cups of coffee, constantly tells me I do too much(I only work part time), buys me lovely presents- just becasue he sees them.
BUT he has never changed a light bulb in 25 years of marriage, I have to ask him to check my oil/tyres, once took a WHOLE day to put up a shelf, tbh if he does get his tool kit out I shudder a bit, because I know he will make more of a mess than was there in the first place.

I'd like someone who is practical and romantic I think. A bit if both would be nice.

[Allinson2014]

I'm very lucky, DH is (usually) both. He's romantic by nature but he works in a very practical job so he's very good there too. Although he's less romantic now than he was when he was just DP. I might give him a nudge.

[EElisavetaofBelsornia]

Monkeyface my DH is like yours. Flowers and little gifts, thoughtful. But hopeless with anything practical, though sadly deluded that he is really capable, so leaves a trail of busted computers, blinds that fall down or won't open and toilet roll holders that fall off the wall in his wake. Last weekend he tried to make a shed, drilled holes in three separate wrong places then left DCs playing next to the still plugged in drill. I completely took over helped him to finish it to avoid total carnage. He will now show everyone the shed "he" made.

[BluebellsandWhistles]

Sorry I am lucky I get both. My DH is gorgeous! I know that I will be flamed but I am such a lucky gal.

[blueshoes]

My dh is strong and steady and not romantic. Emotionally, he is like an ocean liner to my dinghy on the high seas. I like that and am deeply suspicious of romantic gestures, particularly extravagant ones.

[GnomeDePlume]

Practical every time for me.

[luckypeach]

I absolutely cannot stand meaningless, trite 'romantic' gestures. Often so fake, false, saccharine and I feel for men who think that is what us 'women' want.

Actions speak louder than words, of course, but someone who is reliable, there for me, who I can be myself with, enjoys my company and vice versa is way more important than someone who is all sickly hearts & flowers, gestures for the sake of it etc.

I cannot bear "romantic" types, if you haven't already guessed. Deeply unattractive quality for someone to be all gushy. It is the little things that count, where you just know they have done something for you but because its not ostentatious or what the majority of people 'think women want', that it goes unnoticed. Apart from the person it was intended for, which is all that matters

[chipshop]

I have a romantic man, in a nice non cheesy way. Lots of compliments, lots of presents just because, surprise nights away etc. Sadly he is crap with DIY, cars, even the most basic stuff. I'm crap too. I'd love a practical man.

[Lally112]

I prefer the practical, I'm not into flowers and chocolates and sweet nothings etc but I like the fact he does all the DIY, he fixes my car (constantly), he fixes my washing machine, tumble dryer, the boiler (to the best of his ability) and takes care of his family working shit shifts, long hours often with little thanks or praise.

He calls me arsebag, I call him fannyhead. Technically its after midnight so its my birthday and he is snoring beside me already because he had a little too much to drink and passed out during the film but I love him and I always have. Never looked at anyone else the way I look at him and he might not say it but I know he thinks the same.

[Isetan]

It depends what your idea of romantic is, last minute garage bought flowers on a particular day that everyone deems to be romantic, in my opinion isn't. Romance for me is being generally thoughtful and doing things that make my life easier.

I remember Ex asking me what I wanted for my birthday and me replying that I wanted a gift card, he was adamant that he wasn't going to buy one as it was unromantic. Instead he bought me something which he thought that I would like, I didn't and because it cost over a 100 quid I thanked him and asked if he minded if I took it back and used the cash to put towards something I wanted. He got upset and called me ungrateful, to which I replied that consigning a 100 quid gift permanently to the back of the cupboard because I would never use it wasn't very romantic easier.

[sunflower49]

I don't know!DP is kind of both, but a wishy washy both. He is practical, he'll check out the car but I'll have to ask, he'll help me sort things out, he's brilliant at practical stuff but usually needs prompting, sometimes only slightly-sometimes not at all.

He does snuggle, he doesn't mind if I'm under the weather and will pick up more slack with the house work, he does come back from town with a bottle of wine, he does come with me to visit my sick gran. I'd prefer it if he was more proactive sometimes, but also I'm not really always in the mood for romance so if he suggested say, we go out for dinner tomorrow night and said he'd booked a table and I wasn't in the mood, I probably wouldn't be appreciative.

I'm not sure which I'd prefer he 'upped'. Probably the practical , but I wouldn't want the soppy side to suffer as a result greedy
:)

[CeliaFate]

I'd take practical over romantic. I couldn't stand living with a man who couldn't work the dishwasher but gave me flowers to make up for it.
You're a partnership - if you want him to be more romantic, you can suggest things, but if he's anything like my dh he'd say he didn't have a clue and if he did it would be the wrong thing.
It would be nice to be treated now and again without asking, but if I need anything dh is always there and is my rock.

[grumpasaur]

My husband is definitely a romantic type. He loves to take care of me by cooking and tell me he loves me and give me little kisses and go for these big grand gestures...he also loves in tomorrow land and has these big grand ideas about what we "will" do... Totally unrealistic and therefore infuriating.

Drives me mad! I mean actually crazy! Sort out the garden wall, figure out the bills, plan stuff, BOOK a holiday, start a savings plan, argh!!!!!!

Practical, any time, for me! Please!

[500smiles]

Practical over romantic wins hands down for me.

He shows how much he loves me by taking care of our family, I can buy my own flowers and jewelry.

DH tends to ask for a list of things I would like for xmas and birthday a month beforehand...so long as it can be ordered off the internet and not involve going into a shop then I get what I want.

Maybe because we have always had it tough financially, I appreciate the fact that when the boiler / washing machine / car breaks, DH can fix it rather than us having to pay out for it. Our heating broke down on the 23/12 one year, I much preferred having a practical DH who returned us to a warm house rather than one who would furnish me with fancy thoughtful gifts to enjoy while I froze for a week over xmas and New Year.

DH is GSR before someone comes and tells me off

[confusedgirlfromtheShire]

Practical EVERY time, and thank heavens this is what I have in DH. Nothing sexier than a man who can figure out how to fix a boiler by buying and fitting a new motherboard the day before Christmas Eve, who can fix anything on a car, can build things, do electrics, plumbing, cook brilliantly etc etc. So calm and capable. I am utterly useless at these things (but am the main breadwinner by quite some way and prefer doing the household admin and majority of the housework so it all balances out).

He's not romantic really. I rarely get chocolates or flowers, but as a poster up thread said, the practical stuff is DH's "love language". This is how he takes care of me and it's daily, ongoing and real. I did tell him to start "putting some bloody kisses!" at the end of his texts, which he now does - good enough for me!

[ThatBloodyWoman]

I'll take practical please.

[JohnFarleysRuskin]

Dh is both, v romantic and v capable if not practical.

He has other faults :)

[confusedgirlfromtheShire]

Oh my gosh 500smiles, we are broken-boiler-two-days-before-Christmas-twins. Hadn't read your post when I posted!

[lettertoherms]

Practical, absolutely.

But I'm pretty miserable and find "romantic" things annoying usually.

Getting things done that need doing, now that makes me swoon.

[500smiles]

ah we might not have flowers and love letters but if the zombies strike DH will be able to secure the house, fight them off and do some Heath Robinson type thing to generate power and clean water

[dreamingbohemian]

OP I think your question is a bit of a red herring tbh.

Your mother nailed it when she said he didn't make you feel special. As the thread shows, some people feel special in response to practical things, some to romantic things. But the gist is they see their husband being thoughtful in some way and appreciate that.

For me, the problem with appreciating the practical is that it's easy to get caught up in low expectations. Someone who comes home when they say they will, who picks up things needed for the house at the shop, who fixes things around the house -- aren't those just normal things to do? Should they give a partner a free pass to not have to be thoughtful emotionally?

My DH is practical and romantic -- but most important, he does make me feel special, every day, and often without even realising it.

You can try to talk yourself into appreciating what he is, but if in the end you're just not really compatible then there's no shame in admitting that either. Why did you think about leaving before?

[dreamingbohemian]

Though I should add -- by the same token, buying candy and flowers shouldn't give someone a free pass to be useless practically either.

[Lacuna]

Practical over romantic, every time. What's the point in flowers if the roof's falling in?

I must admit I am a bit at you being annoyed when he didn't bring you flowers because you had stomach pains. How would that have helped?

[NoArmaniNoPunani]

Mine is a bit of both. I'm terribly practical and not very romantic

[fourlegstwolegs]

Interesting - I am both, and both my significant exes were neither!!!
Something hasn't quite worked out for me ;)