Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Strangest crush of my life... I need your opinion please!

82 replies

ConfusedThirtySomething · 02/08/2014 11:10

I think I've developed a crush on my dentist. I'm in my mid-thirties and he is much older, about 50 years old.
I never believed in such things but I'm changing my mind now. I've only seen him 3 times (professionally) but... Anyway, I need more dental work done and was planning to have another appointment when I'm back from my holidays in a few weeks. However, my dentist suggested that I should give him a call when I am back from holidays, instead of setting up my next appointment. All because when I call him, we could meet during his lunch break or when he is nearly done with his work. The visit would be only to discuss my further treatment. On the other hand, maybe he just wants me to feel comfortable with him as a professional because he knows about my dental nightmares. Am I reading too much into it? During my recent visit, he was very attentive and kind. Touching my arm, he apologised that I couldn't rest my "poor arms". I was never is such situation and it may sound terribly naive to you. When we are having a conversation, we look into each other eyes all the time.. It's kind of intense and makes me feel dizzy. Gosh, that's really pathetic :)
What's your opinion? I'm not a single person and I mentioned that during my first appointment (not on purpose). He might be in a relationship too... But I REALLY fancy him. As a dental phob, I managed to survive a deep filling without a single grin on my face. Only because I was looking at him all the time. I even wished that the treatment lasted longer! It's very weird but I had been looking forward to my appointment and can't wait for the next one. This is the most bizarre thing that has ever happened to me.
What do you think about it? Help!

OP posts:
springydaffs · 03/08/2014 09:13

Checked for a wedding ring? That comes right up there before even looking at the face, both ways. Eg I find I can talk to random men - supermarket etc ('where are the veg bags?) - if I'm wearing a ring on THAT finger; if I'm not, i see the whites if their eyes and splutters about 'my WIFE' this or that. It amazes me. But I'm just as bad, just not as obvious.

I had no joy googling my dentist. But I'm guessing you've googled your dishy dentist already..

WienerDiva · 03/08/2014 09:40

It could be that he doesn't want to waste precious surgery time discussing things and not actually doing anything. Well that's what my innocent head says anyway!

It's possibly just nothing but harmless flirting although the most concerning thing is what you say about your current partner.

I'd say, call the surgery and gauge from that what his intentions seem to be. Could be all this panic for nothing?

Original poster
ConfusedThirtySomething · 03/08/2014 11:39

I didn't see a wedding ring. But that doesn't prove anything - some people just don't wear them. No relevant info found on the Internet. Again, not unusual. He might be a very private person.

Regardless of his marital status, I won't do anything.

It's just a crush that will hopefully pass very soon. I am not going to tear my red locks out over this Wink

I decided to write about it to get it out of my system and hear what you think about his behaviour - whether it seems normal and acceptable to you, etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
ConfusedThirtySomething · 03/08/2014 11:42

WienerDiva,

I thought about him not wanting to waste his "precious surgery time" and it might be true. But I'm his patient so it would be rather strange if he thought about my dental needs as a waste of time.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/08/2014 11:42

OP... Can I ask you again - if he was interested in seeing you, why has he not just given you his mobile number?

Has he or hasn't he? I think you're being wishful and we don't want you to add 'foolish' to that list. Many of us have been there so please don't see it as a dig, it isn't.

Original poster
ConfusedThirtySomething · 03/08/2014 11:47

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe,

Simple answer - I don't know why he didn't. And I didn't say that he was interested in me. I only described the situation Wink

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/08/2014 12:35

I think you have your answer, Confused. Take no further action.

Original poster
ConfusedThirtySomething · 03/08/2014 12:50

Don't think I ever wanted to "take any further action", LyingWitchInTheWardrobe. Apart from having my teeth fixed :) 2-3 simple fillings to go and I'll be fine.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/08/2014 12:58

Read your OP again, Confused and admit to yourself at least that you're running away with what's in your head. The arm contact was nothing; it wouldn't have even registered with me... but that's because I am and always have been, in love with Donald Sutherland... Wink

What I'm saying is this; it's very easy to get caught up in 'crush' feelings but don't make a fool of yourself. Your OP is very much, "It is, isn't it? Shall I? What shall I do? Squee..!!".

Original poster
ConfusedThirtySomething · 03/08/2014 14:08

I don't think I've made a fool of myself in front of my doctor and I definitely won't look for any non-professional form of contact with him.
If it turns out that he's hitting on me, I'll find a different dentist. Plenty of dental fish in London Grin

And I don't really care if I've made a fool of myself here - it's just an internet forum for God's sake Wink

But you're right, I need to make peace with myself...

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/08/2014 14:22

Sorry for the silly question, but why do you think that my dentist is "being very unprofessional"?

This is from your second post. It immediately rang alarm bells with me because you're absolutely seeking validation that your dentist IS being unprofessional - and, from what you describe, he isn't. You're giving off 'come on' signs; that much is clear from your posts. If you stop doing that there will be no need for you to find another dentist who may not be as good.

Yes, its an anonymous internet forum and anybody can safely make a tit of themselves on it. Don't do it at your dental surgery is all I'm saying.

Pinkfrocks · 03/08/2014 14:34

You are overthinking the arm touching.
Lot of people do it and I do it myself- not as a health professional but as someone working 1:1 with clients- I may touch their forearm/ upper arm as they leave if it's been an especially emotional meeting/ discussion- it's just a sign of warmth, like a handshake, but less formal.

Get a grip woman Smile

springydaffs · 03/08/2014 17:06

Hang on, I think you do have a grip! It can be very confusing when you get the hots for someone and they're being kind. Perhaps that should be the other way around : perhaps you got the hots BECAUSE he was being kind? I have a starved little heart and I can easily misinterpret things - or, at least, get confused. I think the reason you're posting is precisely because you want to give it an airing to get some clarity re is this something or isnt it.

Ime I'm far from the only one with a starved little heart. My kindness is very often misinterpreted. IMO there is good reason to have a no-touching rule precisely because it can so easily be misinterpreted. You are vulnerable at the dentists because you are so scared; you also happen to have a starved heart, which makes you doubly vulnerable.

My kids' headteacher had a great technique to get around the no-touching rule: he touched the inside toe if his foot against dd's outside ankle. It was brief and did the trick.

Not that your dentist could contort himself to do that - that would be, like, weird.

Original poster
ConfusedThirtySomething · 03/08/2014 18:07

Oh, I will get a grip :) I already feel a bit better.

Springydaffs, you're right, I do have a "starved little heart" that can usually be restrained. But sometimes I let myself down...

I'm certain that my dentist knows that his female-patients are easily impressed by his good looks, sexy brown eyes and wonderful "bedside" manners. That's probably nothing bad or unethical. His charm may help many patients and make their dental appointments more pleasant.
It's just a bit unfortunate when it happens to those who are more vulnerable than others. If he knows about his patient's vulnerability and still continues to flirt, then I would be inclined to consider it as something not entirely ethical and rather selfish to feed one's ego in such way.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/08/2014 18:37

Confused... Are you skipping the bit where you mentioned your partner to him? What exactly did he do that you consider 'flirting' because nothing I've read in your posts suggests that he was doing that? He's made no attempt to contact you and hasn't given you a private number for contacting him. Unless there is more to it than you've posted, you're at risk of heading into stalker territory.

I get that you're vulnerable and that you are consciously/subconsciously sizing up new partners to have babies with but somebody who is caring for you on a professional basis is off limits. It doesn't sound as if he's given you any encouragement whatsoever and it would be grossly unfair to put his job at risk if you can't keep your 'crush' under control.

... and 'ethics' are a two-way street.

springydaffs · 03/08/2014 19:04

Oh come on, as all know how to dazzle. We can choose not to dazzle, we can tell ourselves we are just dazzling and don't mean anything by it - in his case, just doing his job, being a 'good and caring' dentist.

(It can't be a great job apart from the money hurting people for an living
Perhaps there's a need to relieve the torture element of their day-to-day work [grabs at straws].)

springydaffs · 03/08/2014 19:09

*WE all know how to dazzle (drat predictive)

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/08/2014 19:14

Maybe so, Springy but, I sure as hell wouldn't want to dazzle or distract in any way, somebody with a drill in their hand... Shock

springydaffs · 03/08/2014 19:21

Sorry! Trying out, posted accidentally blush

i'm so transparent sometimes

springydaffs · 03/08/2014 19:22

HE'S the one who is doing the dazzling. It's tempting when you have all the power.

springydaffs · 03/08/2014 19:24

Gish, I'm getting in a total pickle here.

GISH!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/08/2014 19:31

He's still the one with the DRILL, Springy...!

From what the OP has posted, he's being pleasant, no more than that. OP has a crush and it sounds as if she'd being going 'tally-ho!' if he so much as smiled and patted her arm at the same time.

Maybe he's a dazzly kind of chap? Maybe he'd just had a blast of hangover-warding-off oxygen before seeing the OP?

He sounds like a very good dentist; it would be a shame to tarnish the patient relationship OP has with him.

Feel like I'm raining on OP's crush now so I'll stop and just wring my hands privately... Grin

Original poster
ConfusedThirtySomething · 03/08/2014 20:06

"HE'S the one who is doing the dazzling. It's tempting when you have all the power."

That's exactly what I thought. Besides, can't see how I could have dazzled him in those circumstances. I must have looked really unattractive being a nervous mess...

There was no 'tally-ho' on my behalf! OK, maybe my heart skipped a bit Blush and I've stupidly shared it here. Btw, it does help a lot to pour your heart out to strangers. I'm almost 100% over my crush now :)

OP posts:
RedHeadFromLondon · 03/08/2014 20:17

I've even changed my nickname to celebrate it! No longer Confused Grin

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/08/2014 20:33

No... you sound determined, shall we say... Confused

Poor Mr Dentist. Shock

Swipe left for the next trending thread