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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Strangest crush of my life... I need your opinion please!

82 replies

ConfusedThirtySomething · 02/08/2014 11:10

I think I've developed a crush on my dentist. I'm in my mid-thirties and he is much older, about 50 years old.
I never believed in such things but I'm changing my mind now. I've only seen him 3 times (professionally) but... Anyway, I need more dental work done and was planning to have another appointment when I'm back from my holidays in a few weeks. However, my dentist suggested that I should give him a call when I am back from holidays, instead of setting up my next appointment. All because when I call him, we could meet during his lunch break or when he is nearly done with his work. The visit would be only to discuss my further treatment. On the other hand, maybe he just wants me to feel comfortable with him as a professional because he knows about my dental nightmares. Am I reading too much into it? During my recent visit, he was very attentive and kind. Touching my arm, he apologised that I couldn't rest my "poor arms". I was never is such situation and it may sound terribly naive to you. When we are having a conversation, we look into each other eyes all the time.. It's kind of intense and makes me feel dizzy. Gosh, that's really pathetic :)
What's your opinion? I'm not a single person and I mentioned that during my first appointment (not on purpose). He might be in a relationship too... But I REALLY fancy him. As a dental phob, I managed to survive a deep filling without a single grin on my face. Only because I was looking at him all the time. I even wished that the treatment lasted longer! It's very weird but I had been looking forward to my appointment and can't wait for the next one. This is the most bizarre thing that has ever happened to me.
What do you think about it? Help!

OP posts:
LadyLemongrab · 02/08/2014 18:20

E. L. Is that you?

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 02/08/2014 18:28

My guess is that he's seen you gazing at him, realises you fancy him, and is taking advantage of that- it sounds like he's married, or he would have just asked you out for a drink. Run away. Very fast.

LadyLemongrab · 02/08/2014 18:28

It must be awkward trying bite your lip while he's in there giving you a "deep filling".

Oh my.

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 02/08/2014 18:36

I am getting real déjà vu.

Have you posted about this before? Seems really, really familiar even when you ask why he is unprofessional ...

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 02/08/2014 18:42

Oh no, is this one of those tedious repetition threads, under different guise?

sonjadog · 02/08/2014 18:43

I hope you are going to update this thread after you have come back from your holiday and called him? I am on the fence as to whether he is being flirtatious or not and want to know (btw, if he does want something more, find out if he is single or not first and end your own relationship).

toyoungtodie · 02/08/2014 18:46

I am afraid that I have to burst your dreamy bubble. To do the right thing you have to ask his receptionist if he has a wife. You can't be the OW and I am sure that you wouldn't want to be. Also you need to be up front and honest with your present partner. Sorry
Most men are unfaithful( according to the latest information from Womens Aid ) because they are opportunists. They want their cake and eat it. You also must know what cake does to your teeth! Xxx though regarding your miserable relationship.

springydaffs · 02/08/2014 19:17

Uh-oh, DEFINITELY don't see him without a nurse present. Really.

My GP was, I thought, giving me major come-ons, I thought eg email address. Turned out he was an idiot.

springydaffs · 02/08/2014 19:17

Too much thinking, clearly.

GreenTeaHoneysuckle · 02/08/2014 19:19

jeez, hello, shag him if you want to but i can't believe it's the first time he's touched a patient's arm. good luck

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 02/08/2014 19:21

I'm am this has been done before but he wasn't a dentist? Even the bit where he touched your arm?!

Wasn't he a tutor or something before?

ConfusedThirtySomething · 02/08/2014 19:46

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe, you're wrong. I've never been on this forum before.

If he is married, then that's it. I would have persuade myself that he is not a handsome man :) But I would make the best of the situation and let him help me with my dental phobias. That's what he is trained to do. And he is great!
And I would definitely not ask his assistant whether he is married. I would be too embarrassed. Blush

OP posts:
ConfusedThirtySomething · 02/08/2014 20:00

PamDooveOrangeJoof,
I went to a different dentist two months ago and he also touched my arm several times as I was getting upset. Is it illegal? If so, I must be a bit unlucky here.
However, my current dentist touched my arm while he was working on my filling because he noticed that my arms were tense as I was trying not to slide down the chair. I didn't find it inappropriate, just surprising.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 02/08/2014 20:02

It was a question, Confused, I didn't know the answer. I do now. :)

He would give you his mobile number if he wanted to see you outside the chair, wouldn't he?

EveMarieSaint · 02/08/2014 20:13

Why does he want to meet outside of his working hours to discuss your treatment? I don't understand this at all.

Pinkfrocks · 02/08/2014 20:32

OP
If this was a doctor, physio or some other medical professional who asked to meet you in their lunch hour, would you?

Why would they ask that?
Why would you agree to it?

If he wanted a date he'd ask.

I think it sounds sleazy - or you have picked up the wrong signals and there is something that you haven't told us.

His behaviour is not 'normal' practise.

Pinkfrocks · 02/08/2014 20:35

My friend had a mega crush on a consultant who was treating one of her parents.
she wanted to know if she was married.
she phoned his office ( not saying who she was) saying she wanted to post an invitation and should she address it just to Dr X or Dr X and Mrs X.
It was the latter.
End of crush.

ConfusedThirtySomething · 02/08/2014 21:50

I guess I just need to pour a bucket of cold water over my head. I bet he's married so there's no point thinking about it. It's just that his suggestion to contact him and meet at rather unusual time have made me even more confused Confused Maybe it was meant to be innocent or maybe not.
I might be also completely wrong and might have totally misread the whole thing. I'll find out soon.
Regardless of everything, I can't loose such a wonderful dentist because of my fantasies (even if they are not just fantasies).

OP posts:
rosepetalsoup · 02/08/2014 21:51

Also why don't you just store up the fantasies and see if you can use them to jumpstart your dying actual relationship?

offside · 02/08/2014 22:07

Your poor DP. Do him a favour and let him fimd someone who isn't looking for the go ahead to cheat, you sound very selfish.

ConfusedThirtySomething · 02/08/2014 22:27

offside,
I've already told you that I am not trying to rationalise any desires to have an affair. And you have no idea who's selfish in my relationship. You simply don't know what you're talking about.
Do me a favour and spread your wisdom somewhere else.

OP posts:
Marblewarble · 02/08/2014 23:53

The same thing happened to me recently. What area does he practice in Confused?

AppleAndMelon · 03/08/2014 02:52

PamDooveOrangeJoof I was having serious déjà vu as well.

ConfusedThirtySomething · 03/08/2014 07:16

Marblewarble - London, and he is a tall dark haired man with a nice beard.
May I ask what exactly happened to you and where was it?

OP posts:
sonjadog · 03/08/2014 08:54

I don't think arm touching is a sign of anything more than being friendly and I wouldn't read any more into it than that.

You have checked for a wedding ring? Have you tried googling him/ looking on facebook? You may find photos or other information that shows if he is married.