I've blown it!

[DuckedUp]

I split from my husband last year. He was EA and it took a long time to break free.

I met a lovely man three months ago. I was really starting to like him a lot. We got on really well, sex was great. It was lovely! I was starting to think about a future.

We had an amazing time on Monday and he met some of my family. But then this week, I felt like he was backing off. He had a bad day at work and was pretty crap on the phone one night. I cut the conversation short after five mins because he was mumbling and clearly didn't want to speak. Then for the next two nights, he said he'd text me later and didn't.

I was convinced it was going tits up and I felt really vulnerable. I'd always been pretty chilled out before then. After a night of driving myself batty, I sent him a message this morning saying I was annoyed he kept saying one thing and doing another, he clearly wasn't bothered and we should call it a day. I can't believe I did it.

He accepted my decision, said he hand't wanted it to go that way.

This evening, I called him and said I was sorry. I knew it was a ridiculous thing to do. I said I'd felt pretty insecure because I really liked him, to me thats quite scary. I asked him if we could get past it, because I didn't want it to end and I realised I'd acted batty.

He said the fact I was annoyed he didn't text rang alarm bells. He didn't know why I thought he was backing off because he wasn't. He didn't want drama this early in a relationship and to him, it's done.

I'm gutted and can't believe Ive ruined it. I am not usually so dramatic or insecure. Please be nice to me. Is there anything I can do now? I'm such an idiot

Delete his number and move on

"in my weaker moments, I think "was not texting and being tired on the phone?" that bad."

Not a crime but not the actions of a man who was that into you either. If he valued you he would make time and space for you. I think you were right to call him on it and I think you correctly identified that he was backing away. Well done! Throw him back in the pond and look for a man who is worthy of your time and attention.

That wasn't that stupid, don't worry about it. Wishing him well at the saves you, makes it clear you know it's over and avoids any hint of begging. You've said your piece and can move on.

OK I'm sorry to keep banging on about this, but I had an interesting conversation with my sister last night and I wanted to get your opinions on it. I think there may have been some red flags that I didn't pick up on and I want to know if it's just a retrospect thing or whether these were proper bonefide red flags!

The last time I saw him he stayed at my house (I live with my sister) and when we got back she was still up and she had a couple of drinks with us.

We got her to play a game with us which we always did after a drink. We'd pick a topic and then play our favourite song relating to that topic. I have very eclectic taste in music, some he liked and some he hated. This night he was very vocal about how awful my tastes were. I thought it was banter, but there was one point where I did feel like he looked at me with a bit too much disdain.

My sister picked up on it and said she felt uncomfortable. She said although she had thought he was good fun, she felt he took his piss taking of me too far. She said she had thought his personality could be potentially too domineering for me.

So I thought about other things that I might have overlooked....

We had a lot of sex and it was all very good, on the last night, he did something I didn't like (finger up bum) and I yelped. He didn't do it again but I mentioned it the next day and he turned it into a joke and more or less said "whatever you enjoyed it really"

About a week ago during sex he slapped my bum. Afterwards I said "did you spank me then?" and he said "yeah, thought I'd mix it up a bit" and I said "well don't do that". He didn't do it again.

He spent a lot of time on his mobile phone but was also very guarded of it. He was quite open about the conversations he was having with friends on it but also made a point of saying he never lets anyone touch his phone. It did annoy me a couple of times because he would be on it around me a little too much.

He made a few remarks about talking to girls (cos there's nothing wrong with talking) but if he ever wanted to show me a picture on his phone, he'd hold it out and say "just had to check first that the pictures the other girls send me aren't still on there, haha joke joke I'm so funny".

He is a manager in his job and would often talk about how his staff hate him. He's not there to make friends and he is a task master.

Doesn't sound so great now does he?

Oh and he did psychology at university and talked about how he loved the subject and how good he is at reading people and can win any argument

He sounds like a right arse, OP. It's amazing how we close our eyes to all those little warning signs when we don't want to see them.
You are on the mend I think. Congratulations on dodging that particular bullet, nothing wrong with your twat radar.

I agree with the medical prognosis of Arse.

Ha! Yeah and there is no cure either!

I can see now this was always going to end in tears. I'm just wondering now how I manage to bloody pick 'em.

Oh well, it was good whilst it lasted.

Always keep a bit of yourself back, it takes a long time to really know someone.
Your instincts kicked in pretty quickly, trust them next time.

I'm constantly amazed at how many posters pile in to tell you how you have got it all wrong. It's not surprising that some men have such huge ego's when some women will put up with all sorts of rubbishy behaviour.

Expecting people to do what they say they will, when they have managed it previously, is not a big ask.