He just doesn't care about me :-(

[Curlycurlysue]

We are supposed to be getting married in June next year but he never brings it up, never mentions it and never talks about it if I bring it up. He's said we'll "discuss and book in october" and now he tells me he's going away in October. All I said to him was "can you reassure me that we will still organise and book our wedding in october in spite of you going away?" and he went off on a massive huff being sarcastic saying "no, I will never discuss marriage with you because I'm an awful, horrible person!" and he's now saying he's reconisdering marrying me at all because of "my behaviour". I feel he's just playing with my insecurities, he knows I'm paranoid that he doesn't really want to get married and he's actually playing with it,

I'm heartbroken. All I wanted was reassurance that he wouldn't use work as an excuse not to organise our wedding (past experiences - he won't concentrate on anything if something else is looming first).

He won't give me the reassurance, he just rips the piss out of me, does impressions of me and hurts me. I don't understand why. Im sat here with tears rolling down my face. I give up, I really do.

[EBearhug]

He's not going to turn into the person you want him to be. Take control and tell him to sod off and get on with your life without him.

[SweetErmengarde]

You still haven't said why you want to marry this man, OP.

Doesn't that tell you something, that you can't come up with one redeeming feature?

[butterflybuttons]

Why are you waiting for him to tell you. You sound bloody miserable and downtrodden already.

Find your self respect and get rid yesterday. He sounds hell.

[Curlycurlysue]

I want to leave him, I just can't. Everything has gone wrong, I trusted him and gave him all my money

[wannabestressfree]

I was married to a twat and guess what?
I am now divorced from a twat.

It's no way to live. Take control of your own life before it tears you apart. This should be one of the happiest times of your life.

[wannabestressfree]

Oh no, how does he have all your money?

[ArsenicFaceCream]

Oh no. Gave how? Gave for what?

[Branleuse]

getting married isnt some sort of validation as a person.

Honestly, if you marry this man, youll be miserable. You already are.

He knows what hes doing. Youre expecting him to realise youre hurting and start being nice. He wont. He knows, and he doesnt really care that much.

It doesnt have to be like this. Watching people marry people that you know and everyone knows makes them feel shit, is not romantic. Its sad.

Youre wasting your time, and there will be many people out there who would really love you and vice versa, and even more people who could give you much more fun and enjoyment out of life than this arsehole can

[MyChildDoesntNeedSleep]

If you accept this behaviour you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of pain.

Three options:

1. LTB
   
2. Dump him with the hope of shocking him into changing (which he might do for a short time, but then his real character will out in time.
   
3. Stay and put up with this shit. Because let's face it...if he's like this now, what on earth will he be like when he 'has' you?

[Frogisatwat]

I'm nowhere near as insightful and eloquent as most of the posters here.. where the hell is your self worth? On the sole of his shoe?
I don't like to be harsh but I wasted 9years. My 'glory' years on a twat like this. Please leave. But you won't because ' you looove him'.
Wake up.

[Curlycurlysue]

I gave him it all for the house but its all in his name. I have no legal claim and I'm so annoyed at myself for being so fucking stupid but I trusted him

[Softlysoftlycatchymonkey]

op is he stalling?

He either should be excitedly discussing it with you now OR letting you just get in with it (like some fellas I know) either way. Not being able to discuss it till October ? WTF?

He makes you cry? Sounds like an ace guy and now you've just posted he takes your money? What's going on? X

[wannabestressfree]

Seek legal advice....

[Softlysoftlycatchymonkey]

Why did you do that ? How much? Is your name not on anything ?

[PorkyMinch]

I don't often post advice on here, but it is going to be much less painful to leave him now before he leaves you.

You're worth more than this.

[ArsenicFaceCream]

Was that his idea? Or did you have credit problems?

Was it after that his behaviour deteriorated?

There must be a paper trail. Worth the cost of a solicitor's consultation to check if there is anything you can do.

[Walkacrossthesand]

Legal advice pronto - I think you can get a charge registered on the house at the Land registry if you can demonstrate that you contributed a significant amount to the purchase. Do it, ASAP and cancel any notion of marrying this unpleasant man who was quite happy to take all your money and is now trying to get out of the legal process that would make the house a joint asset

[MyChildDoesntNeedSleep]

Money can't be a reason for staying in this relationship. End it in an amicable way so you can hopefully get your money back, but it does sound like you need to end it. You can't stay there for years in the hope of getting your money back. Money is just money. Our sanity is the only thing we all truly have.

Have you got proof you gave/lent him the money?

[ginslinger]

Cut your losses - get out now. You deserve much better

[CharlotteCollins]

The way he behaves is not your fault, OP.

You haven't done anything to deserve the way he treats you.

[ArsenicFaceCream]

What kind of money are we talking about?

[EhricLovesTheBhrothers]

Your 'D'P is an absolute horror and the sooner you get rid the better. You will always have support on mumsnet but if you keep posting multiple moaning threads describing how awful he is, then bleating 'but I love him' instead of engaging in any kind of helpful dialogue with us you will get short shrift I'm afraid.

[Curlycurlysue]

There are bank statements to say I transferred £2k into his account when the house was bought. Since then I have transferred money into his (well, joint now) account under the reference "mortgage" with the postcode on the house. I've also kept the the license in my name. I just know I'm going to get screwed over

[SolidGoldBrass]

First, see a solicitor about the money. Second, bin this man. Third, get yourself onto the Freedom Programme and do not date or have sex anyone for at least a year. At some point in your life (before you met this particular opportunistic woman-hating tosspot) someone or something taught you that you are worthless without A Man In Your Life, which is harmful bullshit.