DP gone bonkers because I offered to drive her to the airport

[shesbonkersimnuts]

My beautiful DP has gotten very cross and won't talk to me because I offered to drive her to the airport on Monday evening. She is off on holiday for three weeks with her daughter and I am following on later.

After I offered she said she was not interested in a new offer for some thing that was already on the table. I asked kindly (if a little confused) what that meant and she said that we'd already agreed that I would drive her. I said sorry but I don't remember that but that if we had great, sorry for any confusion. I know for sure we had not talked about this as I'd asked her earlier in the week if she'd thought about how to get to the airport in time but her response was I'm not ready to think about.

I know we all get stuff mixed up, I certainly do but to get cross about this seems odd - irrespective of whether or not I'd already offered to do this? I asked when we'd agreed this but there was no answer.

I've no idea what to do now - do I pretend to ignore the whole thing or try again? Based on previous experience ignoring it is better but it's worrying me that we can't talk about stuff without it becoming a major drama? In the meantime she's not talking to me... Again...

I wish there was a mediator - we've been together for ten months so it's not like I can suggest relationship counsellor! But, I wish I could.

We get it. You've plumped for someone, finally got a family, think your life is complete, it's what you always wanted, have laughs etc .... and you don't want to put yourself back on the shelf shopping for 'Meals for One'.

There is no joy in loving someone who isn't kind.

I don't think a relationship counsellor is what you need to be honest. I think she needs personal counselling for her own hang ups (obviously don't suggest that - I don't think that'd help you right now!)

And Egghead, please don't be as tactless as the said woman in discussion. Your 'advice' isn't helpful. It's hard because regardless of time, he's in love.

I think Egghead68 makes a valid point actually. It's a recurring theme in relationships where there is bullying/controlling behaviour present that the eager-to-please injured party often sticks around far too long, thinking they can make things right.

Egghead does have a valid point. I, too, would suggest he moves on & 'cuts his losses' - I just wouldn't of added the ''it shouldn't be this hard'' at the end. What help is that?

Anyway, not going to derail from the topic. Everyone has given their own views, advise & opinions - all of which the OP can mull over & make his own decision from.

Also valid to point out that a loving relationship isn't hard. It's the easiest thing in the world - natural with no game-playing.

What the 'shouldn't be this hard' comment is all about is that no relationship should be this hard.

OP, please know that what you are going through now is the best it'll ever be from now on.

This woman is abusing you, and will only get worse.

I agree with the get through the weekend business, see her off at the airport if that's what you want to do, then spend the time she's away noticing how much easier and calmer your life is without her.

If I were you, i'd cancel the flights and stay home alone another week. I'd also tell her that when she's back, it's over and that she will need to find somewhere else to go.

Get rid, she sounds like way too much hard work!

"Should I take you to the airport?"

Should be met with "yes please", "no thanks" or "I thought we'd already agreed that you would?"(not said nastily)

I think she needs to leave. You should not need to tiptoe around her! A relationship should be about mutual respect and love, not this.

She sounds utterly bizarre. Wtf was the comment about lending money about? If someone offers to lend you money you either gratefully accept or gratefully decline. Her response was at best weird and at worst horribly entitled and unpleasant. She sounds irrational and rude. Only you can know whether the good stuff can outweigh the bad stuff in your mind, but one thing is for sure, don't start thinking you can change her because that way madness lies.

Is English her first language? She's expressing herself very weirdly.

She seems like someone who prides herself on not being a doormat, but has gone so far the other way she's behaving like a bully.

Agreed, far too much like hard work. Find somebody normal.

Here's a thought, any chance she's not happy in the relationship, and she's trying to force your hand into ending it? That's the only explanation I can think of as to why you being nice is driving her into a rage.

god if she's this much hard work after less than a year you're in for a fucking long haul till she breaks you completely. You wont see this though.
Sorry, good luck with it, hopefully you see the light before it's too late.

She does sound barking OP. Ten months in and you are thinking you need mediation/councelling . Please sit down and really think about what that actually means. Re-read what you have put and imagine how you would respond if a son or a really good mate put the same. The title says the offer to drive her to the airport has sent her bonkers but she sounds like she's 3/4 of the way there already for whatever reason and I suspect the reason is not something you can do anything about. You need to end this relationship when she gets back from her holiday. It will make you crazy otherwise.

I can see you love her but you need to think while she is away ...What are you getting from this relationship? Walking on eggshells is no fun... No one should be made to feel this way male or female esp from doing nothing wrong.

If you are getting such a shitty response from offering something helpful then god knows what kind of a response you will get if you say something you are not happy about.

A relationship should be about 2 peoples feelings and desires. this sounds very one sided.

It will get harder to leave as your Self esteem will drop.

Personally I would ship out when she is away...Would you think it was ok if you treated someone you love that way?

Let her walk.

The white-knuckling the remote control is a bit freaky.

And any partner who watches TV with you but never ever asks what you'd like to watch is an arsehole.

You misunderstood me Chocoholicmonster. I meant relationships shouldn't be this hard, not it "shouldn't be hard to decide to leave her". (Obviously that's hard.)

Is there a cultural mis-match going on here, too?

I apologise, Egghead68 - Yep, I'd misunderstood what you meant. I'm blaming the heat & late hour - but again, sorry :)

No problem!

she sounds like she is just waiting for you to get cross with her before she says
I told you so
Get out stay out and find happiness on your own.

I think you have nothing to lose by sitting her down and telling her that it's not going to continue like this and she has a choice; change her behaviour in the way she treats you (presumably it wasn't like this at the start?) or the relationship will end.

She may not change but she will respect you for not letting her treat you like a doormat. She's setting a horrible example for her child. What the previous posters have said about genders being reversed is true, everybody would be telling a bullied woman to get out or change the locks. It's the same advice for you - you don't have to put up with this so please don't.

If she doesn't change then stick to your guns and leave. You'll be doing her a big favour because if she carries on this way she'll be alone and miserable. Sticking to your guns gives her a fighting chance to mend her ways.

Good evening, Shesbonkers. How has today been?

Ten months? It really shouldn't be such hard work so early... or even after ten years. You are being bullied - that isn't what a loving relationship looks like. Use the time on your own to get your head thinking straight.

I think your right - I need to draw a line in the sand. I just don't like the silent treatment / passive aggressive stuff that will follow. I'm no angel, I get stressed / pissed off every now and then but its an instant thing, then its gone. Don't understand the punishment stuff of no kindness.