DP gone bonkers because I offered to drive her to the airport

[shesbonkersimnuts]

My beautiful DP has gotten very cross and won't talk to me because I offered to drive her to the airport on Monday evening. She is off on holiday for three weeks with her daughter and I am following on later.

After I offered she said she was not interested in a new offer for some thing that was already on the table. I asked kindly (if a little confused) what that meant and she said that we'd already agreed that I would drive her. I said sorry but I don't remember that but that if we had great, sorry for any confusion. I know for sure we had not talked about this as I'd asked her earlier in the week if she'd thought about how to get to the airport in time but her response was I'm not ready to think about.

I know we all get stuff mixed up, I certainly do but to get cross about this seems odd - irrespective of whether or not I'd already offered to do this? I asked when we'd agreed this but there was no answer.

I've no idea what to do now - do I pretend to ignore the whole thing or try again? Based on previous experience ignoring it is better but it's worrying me that we can't talk about stuff without it becoming a major drama? In the meantime she's not talking to me... Again...

I'm dreading the rest of this weekend - she's in bed asleep now but the chances are of a crappy weekend are high. Either because I'm treading on eggshells or she's just up for a fight.

OP, she is doing what many men do, but because she is a woman doesn't make a difference.
It is a control battle and by insisting the lift had been sorted she was taking control, she had sorted it... etc.
My family member is the same and worn many a man down.
I love her and am always there to pick up the pieces, but I don't have to live with her.
Your dp may be ok if she can see her own shit once in a while and get some professional help.
She sounds similar to my family member tbh.

If i was you id do the following..

Get through the weekend.
Use the two weeks she's away to reflect, think.
Use the week you meet back up as a make or break.

Good luck x

Can I ask you fill in some background OP? Relative ages... previous long term relationships.... circumstances in which you met? Do you live together, for example? How old is the DD?

White knuckles round the remote make her sound like someone who really isn't relaxed when you're around. Being honest, the time when I feel most like that is when I'm working up to telling someone they're dumped.

If this had been a woman posting then it would have been a resounding LTB.

You should NEVER have to walk on eggshells around your partner, male or female. If I got to the point where I dreaded being around my husband instead of the can't wait till he's home thing we have after 5 years then it would be game over.

So, if I can't get her to talk / see how this is affecting me what else can I do? I don't want to walk away, I love her. It's not always bad...

so you use the little titbits of good times to see you through the bad?

Shesbonkers, the choice is yours at the end of the day. It's your life & you love her. Nobody can tell you what to do - they can only advise & tell you what they would do in your situation.

But as I've said before - if this was a woman's post about her husband or boyfriend, she'd of been told more than once to leave him as he was a bully. I assure you.

After a 10 month relationship, not being able to talk, petty arguments, not even being in the honeymoon period anymore... Put it all together it doesn't exactly ring happy for the future.

10 months? Christ! :(

You can do nothing to change someone's behaviour. Of course it's not always bad. Bullying types are rarely that way all the time.... they just turn it on when they need to remind you who's boss. Knowing her behaviour is not going to change you can either a) suck it up and set yourself on a course of misery.... b) fight back, challenge, confront and be refuse to be subjected to emotional blackmail and sulking.... c) decide it was nice while it lasted and move onto someone who treats you more kindly.

Crikey OP there is something not right with her. She sounds like hard work. But I guess you know that, otherwise you wouldn't be posting. Sorry I can't add anything constructive. You sound lovely though. Good luck.

So - she spent a long time with a guy who wasn't faithful, before and after marriage. Had a child just under 10 years ago, final straw with husband four years ago. I've never been married or had kids. I love her child, we get on well, have lots of laughs and help her out.

Knowing that makes me want to be more accommodating but I just wonder

Sorry but what does LTB mean?

I spent 15 years with a dude who nearly cracked me up.. he's left scars on my soul but yanno, I treat my husband like gold and him me.

Don't use your pity to excuse any abuse.. nobody should be punished for their partners past, You don't deserve it.

How much more accommodating can you be? You love her. You treat her right. You don't spur on arguments. You're passive.

There are many, many people who get hurt or are / were in unfaithful relationships. It does not excuse someone to behave the way she does / has / is. Of course it effects everyone differently & she may still be hurt, angry, bitter from this past relationship - but if that's the case, and that is why she is acting the way she is - IMHO, she isn't ready for another relationship.

If I was in your shoes, I'd be worried now that I was a rebound & she's now got fed up.

LTB - Leave the Bastard.

LTB= leave the bastard

xpost

Oh fuck. Thanks for your honest advice. It's gloomy

I hope it wasn't too harsh - just honest.

Please use the two weeks that she's away to reflect. It doesn't sound like a very happy future for yourself. And if a human deserves anything in life, it's happiness.

Being charitable, the experience of infidelity can leave someone with residual feelings of bitterness and mistrust towards future partners. Someone might 'test' new partners by being deliberately nasty or keep an emotional distance to avoid being hurt again. Pure speculation on my part but if you say you feel you have to be accommodating you may have made similar links. If so, please stop.... Her neuroses are not your responsibility.

Bullies can only be stood up to or rejected out of hand. No middle ground.

OP please don't be offended, but how well did you know this person before settling down? If she has come through a very difficult relationship before meeting you I suspect she will still be recovering. She may have a protective shield up 24/7. Now you are walking on eggshells and trying to avoid confrontation.

She has a DD too so somewhere along the line this child will become aware of the tension.

I'm afraid the honeymoon period is over.

The thing that gets me is she must know I was upset after rejecting me taking her to the airport. I can understand if it ends up feeling like too much trouble or drama but you can say that in a nice way, not reject out of hand right? Argh... I think I know where we are at, I just don't want to know that...

She does know you were upset. That is the point. She's tactless & selfish. It seems a shame that a genuine sounding guy like yourself has managed to get yourself stuck in this situation. Albeit, we cannot help who we fall in love with.

You've only been together for a few months. Cut your losses. It shouldn't be this hard.