Please help womens aid or the police

[jellybellybo]

I have NC for this as I dont want my friend to know I am posting this on her behalf

She is in a very abusive relationship, he's controlling she's not allowed friends and its got so bad that he wont let her have a lock on the toilet

She's just rung me petrified, hes just destroyed the shopping with a pair of scissors she's hiding upstairs with her dog and he's gone out

She's ringing me to say that she would never commit suicide she just wants me to know that and if she dials my number but doesn't talk Im to call the police for her

I'm of a mind to do it now except for the fact that he hurt her badly last year and her friend called the police but they let him off with a caution

Unfortunately the legal position is that its his house too and he was allowed to return to the property

Don't know what to do now i've tried to give her womens aid number but she is frightened to write anything down in case he finds it

Ive just about convinced her to keep her mobile tucked under the edge of the bed so she can get to it, he insists on it being turned off at night and she isnt allowed a phone in the bedroom

Forum last year he assaulted her and the other friend called police the husband was let off with a caution

Cold - am I allowed to call the police and ask what's happening

I doubt the police will give you any answers as they will deem it ''not your business'' but I don't suppose you have anything to lose by trying - just don't expect too much.

If you called the police last night, which you said you had, tried to give her WA number, been there for a friend if she needs & a support - I cannot see what else you can do. You cannot force her out of her home. She's obviously scared & blinded by this brute. Sadly, you see this so much in DV cases. It's heartbreaking but I think you've done all you can now apart from just being there for her if she calls again in the future.

From my personal experience if they have spoken to her in the presence of him she will be petrified of saying anything. This is why it is important to explain how scared she is and from your experience she won't say anything in front of him.

Police can be complete dicks sometimes, for example my exh headbutted me in the middle of the day, in the middle of the street infront of my friend, outside her house. They didn't even come out to me until 2 days after and I was out at the time and my exh answered the door to them. Apparently the copper (witty cunt) said to him they were checking I wasn't under the patio (they never came into the house and took his word I was out and not cowering in another room). Exh then phoned me and told me I'd better get it sorted before they came back again and the kids saw. I was so scared I went down to police station and told them it was a misunderstanding - they then said 'ok bye'.

Forum that sounds terrible well done for getting away

Choc thanks for words of encouragement

Jelly.
I've just spoken to my dh. He is a long serving police officer.
The police now have a mandatory obligation to take action even without the victims consent. Esp with previous history of DV.
The case would be stronger if the victim gives a statement.
Each police force will have a dedicated DV unit.
Personally I would contact them.

Don't give up on her.

Thanks cold turns out she has the business card of the police officer from last year I'm trying to talk her into letting me have the number but my friend is petrified of the police and what he'll do

I'm trying not too but it's hard to watch the rubbish he spouts really get her down and then she sits there and tries to figure out what she has done wrong.

The thing he's most brilliant at is keeping her slightly off balance and anxious, and he absolutely hates her having a friend

and he absolutely hates her having a friend

Perhaps you're the last connection she has to outside support? I really, really feel for you. It's horrible to feel helpless in helping a friend.