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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please help womens aid or the police

84 replies

jellybellybo · 25/07/2014 22:10

I have NC for this as I dont want my friend to know I am posting this on her behalf

She is in a very abusive relationship, he's controlling she's not allowed friends and its got so bad that he wont let her have a lock on the toilet

She's just rung me petrified, hes just destroyed the shopping with a pair of scissors she's hiding upstairs with her dog and he's gone out

She's ringing me to say that she would never commit suicide she just wants me to know that and if she dials my number but doesn't talk Im to call the police for her

I'm of a mind to do it now except for the fact that he hurt her badly last year and her friend called the police but they let him off with a caution

Unfortunately the legal position is that its his house too and he was allowed to return to the property

Don't know what to do now i've tried to give her womens aid number but she is frightened to write anything down in case he finds it

Ive just about convinced her to keep her mobile tucked under the edge of the bed so she can get to it, he insists on it being turned off at night and she isnt allowed a phone in the bedroom

OP posts:
FreeLikeABird · 26/07/2014 09:27

Thanks for the info Ehric, won't be using any faces from the app in future!

Jelly I hope your friend is ok this morning.

thornrose · 26/07/2014 09:28

Oh I'm sorry Free, overtired and oversensitive! I do apologise. Blush

FreeLikeABird · 26/07/2014 09:33

It's not your fault Thorn, it's obviously a problem, hopefully MNHQ will sort it out soon, as I'm sure it will happen again to others using the App.

Original poster
jellybellybo · 26/07/2014 10:59

Morning all have been out gardening since the crack of dawn trying to catch her

He was there this morning saw him go out and he saw me pottering in the garden but that's neither here nor there

She called while he was out very quickly for a chat she's definitely minimising this as a mental health issue as he can be nice and caring

She couldn't really talk except to say she tried to take a picture on her mobile phone of the broken scissors and he came in so she's hidden her phone and all the evidence has gone he's cleaned up nice as pie

She's coming over later I'm going to see if I can get her to ring women's aid from mine the trouble is he's sneaking around trying to see what she's doing and who's she's taking too

OP posts:
Vivacia · 26/07/2014 12:14

Remember the idea from last night that you can always pretend you're having a crisis and need help.

Did you ring Women's Aid yourself for advice?

Original poster
jellybellybo · 26/07/2014 12:45

Yes they gave me the number and the idea x

OP posts:
Zucker · 26/07/2014 12:49

Jesus christ that's so scary, he sounds like he's escalating to something. You're such a good friend to her, I hope she comes out the other end of it all.

JazzyThistle · 26/07/2014 13:01

This has made my blood run cold, I hope your friend is ok, the poor woman, how utterly terrifying.

You're being a great friend, please just make sure you stay safe as well.

Pinkfrocks · 26/07/2014 13:02

It doesn't sound as if she is taking it as seriously as you. Unless she wants to leave there is little you can do.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 26/07/2014 13:19

I might be missing something but I thought you were calling the police.

thornrose · 26/07/2014 13:22

I thought that too Cogito, I'm a bit confused that he is still at home and carrying on as though nothing has happened!

pinkfrocks · 26/07/2014 13:40

I really really hope this is genuine.

I mean why would anyone attack shopping with scissors- what did he do? stab an apple Confused
and why is the OP keeping watch over the garden fence. Hmm

thornrose · 26/07/2014 13:50

jellybellybo Fri 25-Jul-14 23:07:50

this can't go on I'm on the phone now who were you on the phone to, if not the police?

ihatethecold · 26/07/2014 13:52

I think she must have called womens aid.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 26/07/2014 14:18

in an immediate situation, I'm a bit baffled what anyone other than the police can do... Confused

OP did you ring the police last night as you implied you were doing?

a bit suss, that...

Chocaholicmonster · 26/07/2014 17:06

I'm confused after all the panic last night that today it all seems to of been a bit dismissed.. almost as if it was all just a little tiff Confused - The police should of been called last night & he should certainly not still be there now.

What's actually happened, Jelly? An update would be great as we are all rather concerned with your neighbours well being & safety.

smilingeyes79 · 26/07/2014 17:53

I read it that she was on the phone to her friend not the police last night.

Hope your friend gets this sorted soon x

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 26/07/2014 19:45

I thought she was on the phone to Women's Aid, certainly seems backed up by her earlier post.

Original poster
jellybellybo · 26/07/2014 21:08

I've been with her most of the day on and off

Timeline for those who are interested

Last night she called me after he went out and they came back from shopping

I came on here

Went outside to check that he was still out

Read your replies

Called the police

Got freaked out called women's aid

Did the gardening early this morning
That's when I saw him posted on here

She called while he had nipped out

I've been in an out of hers most of the day explaining women's aid how they can help

They think the other friend called the police maliciously and she's banned from talking to them now

It's all being minimised backtrack backtrack

OP posts:
pinkfrocks · 26/07/2014 21:34

Clear as mud Confused
Who called the police- you? That's what you wrote.
Then what happened.
And who is 'they' who think the other friend called the police?

Chocaholicmonster · 26/07/2014 21:41

So did the police not deem him a threat? A danger? Wow. If that is the case Im disgusted with people who have some kind of power. Especially after reading a thread on MN tonight of a woman who committed suicide due to DV.

forumdonkey · 26/07/2014 21:51

They think the other friend called the police maliciously and she's banned from talking to them now

??????? I don't understand???

forumdonkey · 26/07/2014 21:52

Did the police come out? Did you explain to them what she'd said onthe phone to you and the previous history??

Original poster
jellybellybo · 26/07/2014 22:07

Just so frustrated with my friend

From what I can gather she's so under his influence she basically lied and he backed her up no further action

Incidentally her husband doesn't know she called me last night or that I know about what's been happening

I'm now at a loss other then giving her WA number I kept repeating that DV is never acceptable and it doesn't have to be physical but because he's been as nice as pie today he's managed to convince her that it didn't really happen that way

OP posts:
ihatethecold · 26/07/2014 22:27

The police have to investigate Dv now.
I'm sure that the policy was changed due to what your friend has done through fear.