I've totally lost myself in this relationship, I'm overworked, underappreciated, miserable, under respected, taken for granted. We've out

[BotoxBitch]

We've our wedding booked in 8 months :(

Together 8 yrs, 2DC.

2 houses, one in my name (which is our home) one in his which is rented. He's older than me and put a lot more financially than I did.

How do I do this? He's telling me to pack up and fuck off of that's what I want but I can't obv with DC. He said he won't go anywhere.

Breaking up because he's just a shit. I run the whole ship without any assistance and I've hit rock bottom. He's walks through the house and doesn't acknowledge me, I've just been away for my first trip to London back yesterday not a question to see if I enjoyed it, if I was ok. Just nothing he has zero interest. I've no self esteem left. The only times I laugh are with my kids and when he's not there.

How do I go?? He's stubborn and horrible. Being rational I doubt is an option

[mammadiggingdeep]

To be honest the house is in your name and as long as you can cover the payments at the moment that's all you need to worry about. Get him out and then worry about the details.

[hamptoncourt]

Just change the locks whilst he is out. It's your house.

[BotoxBitch]

This morning
P: SORRY for falling out last night it was my fault. I don't want spilt up and I do want to marry you. I've so happy last few years best times of my live x x x

Me: It all come to a head last night but we've not been getting on for weeks... Always falling out, not talking for days then just sweeping it under carpet. I'm just miserable. Back to walking through door not talking to me.
You keep speaking to me like crap, you may no interest in me or my opinions. And that's only gonna get worse now your in training
Then screaming at me whilst kids in bed again. You seem incapable of just talking without flying off the handle and name calling.
Been through this so many times, not right isn't it? People don't change

P: Well it must be YOU then cause I thought we've been getting on brilliant
No people don't change WHY should they??? I m the same person ten years ago. If you want to break up then tell me cause I don't want dragging out rather we just got on with it. But don't think that I'm getting a raw deal over the KIDS n HOUSE.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Was that a text exchange or a conversation? Things that back up quite that fast usually make a beeping noise...

[notapizzaeater]

You need to get legal advice.

Have you got paperwork to show it's in your name ? You could change the locks and he can't get access if he caused trouble you could get the police involved and how them the paperwork.

[hamptoncourt]

You need to take control and tell him to leave whilst you think things over see a solicitor.

[BotoxBitch]

Oh course it was text, he is incapable of talking or showing any true emotion to my face

He got up and left for work this morning without a word or any sign of remorse

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

It's quite a turn around. Apologies, kisses and promises of marriage one minute... pretty angry sentiments the next. But do read very carefully what he wrote about people not changing and why should they. This is a direct statement of his attitude towards the relationship i.e. he's not changing and doesn't see why he shold.

In that light I think you have to assume there's no going back and you should be actively making plans for a future without him. Get the legal advice and get the ball rolling

[BotoxBitch]

Thanks I'm going to sound very naive here but how do I go about getting legal advice? Just call a solicitor? Will I have to pay?

[hamptoncourt]

Most family solicitors will give you 30 mins free advice to start with. Call a few and go with the one you feel most comfortable with.

Trust me, you will feel much better for doing this, even if you don't take action immediately. Just knowing your rights and what the possible options are will empower you and help you make the decisions that lie ahead.

Good luck!

[BinarySolo]

He sounds a lot like my lazy, indifferent ex. Doesn't want to change the status quo as too lazy to change circumstances but won't fight to keep you just turns nasty when you say it's ended.

I stayed in an unhappy relationship for 9 years due to poor self esteem. It really should have ended after 6 months. Found it hard to leave as I didn't at the time think he was abusive, just apathetic. It's only looking back that I realised that was a form of abuse. He also belittled any interests I had, lied and added butter to my food as I was dieting.

Thankfully there were no kids involved. I think you need to act fast as it's not a good environment for your children. You'll be amazed at how much stronger, clearer headed and positive you'll feel as soon as he's gone.

[BotoxBitch]

Thanks everyone, I'm working today but will look into it over weekend.

[BotoxBitch]

It is hard though isn't it? Leaving someone who hasn't really done anything wrong? Just that they don't do anything right either.

Our wedding is abroad, this is gonna cause huge upset as a lot of people have spent £1000s already in order to attend.

What will I say? He makes me unhappy. Is that good enough? I know from experience people usually expect a cheat or a physical attack...

[Fontella]

You need to cancel that wedding now. If people have spent money then the sooner you tell them the better, don't leave it a moment longer. Do not be blackmailed into marrying this arsehole on the basis that people have already made plans/financial commitment to attend. That's their lookout I'm afraid. You can't even think about things like that right now.

You don't have to come up with reasons to satisfy others as to why you aren't going through with the marriage. You just say things haven't worked out, and the ceremony is cancelled. It's as much down to him and his behaviour as it is down to yours so don't be taking it all on your shoulders.

He's an ignorant, bullying arsehole based upon what you've written here (and thick too from the sounds of those text messages - sorry but I'm just telling it like it comes across) and things will only get worse if you marry him. The damage and fall out later on will be ten times worse.

You say it's hard to leave someone who 'hasn't done anything wrong'. No he hasn't beaten you up or cheated on you - but in your own words 'he's a shit' who treats you like shit. Ignores you for days on end, screams at you, threatens you, has no interest in you or anything going on in your life that doesn't involve him. No-one, no-one should have to put up with that and certainly not because they don't have a serious enough reason (in your mind) to cancel a wedding and end a relationship.

The man's a complete arsehole. Don't stay with him and ffs don't marry him! I'm not the person to advise on legalities and practicalities and all the rest of it - I split from my ex with fuck all, but I did it wrong. Make sure you do it right.

[eddielizzard]

i agree. cancel the wedding. get that solicitor's appt and get him out the house.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Eh
He's done loads wrong.
Just look at your list.
A lot of that is classed as abuse and the rest is nasty bullying.
Do NOT marry this man.
So what if people have paid.
They can all still go and enjoy the holiday.
Just no wedding.
I really hope you find the strength to end this.

[BotoxBitch]

He's just packed an overnight bag and gone....

[hamptoncourt]

Hey don't be sad - it's the start of the rest of your life. Think how miserable he made you. He has told you categorically that he is blameless and that he will never change.

Have some

[BotoxBitch]

Following this mornings messages this was the afternoons...just

Me: No I don't want to change you, but I'm still getting upset about the same old things. Things you say will be fixed or that you'll work on.

I need some time to think

P: What is it that that make me such a bad person???????????????
Sick of u making out I'm such a bad person. And making your so perfect. Well I NOT changing so hope this help u to think things over
I taking some clothes and bits tonight and moving out

[BotoxBitch]

He's been back to the house twice

He's putting some fucking tea on now

[BotoxBitch]

I'm the one being unreasonable, do I think all relationships are all rosy and lovey dovey. This is life BB what makes you think grass will be greener.

I am abit of a romantic I know I am, I watch films like love actually, ps I love you, notebook and they break my heart because I've never felt that love. I know it's films and it's not all rosy. All I think I want in a relationship, or at least the main thing is a friend, someone who cares and understands me, someone who can make me smile, reassure and respect me. Am I dreaming (he says I am along with all the other stuff)

[paxtecum]

OP: I spent 30 years with an arsehole, but because he didn't hit me I didn't think he was abusive.

What a fool I was.

The wedding guests who have paid to go abroas, still can go.
They can have a great holiday without a wedding.

[BotoxBitch]

Wow pax, have you left? What made you do it. He's gone again so gonna latch the doors and go to bed

[DameEdnasBridesmaid]

botox your situation sounds very similar to mine with my XP. He too left but I am convinced he thought I would beg him to return - I didn't. Sounds like your P is waiting for you to say something to him.

I too love those films and I have found that sort of love with my wonderful DH, never knew I could feel like this. So don't give up because it does exist.

My XP was sulky. moody and emotionally abusive, I couldn't see the EA at the time and looking back I am amazed and a bit embarrassed tbh that I put up with it.

[BotoxBitch]

Aw dame that's lovely to hear that you found the right one. Yay!!! Real love us out there.

It was my idea to get married, just vid it felt like the next thing to do. But I was never excited, people thought it was weird. Planning the wedding was

I know my dad thinks I can get better, he's never shown any enthusiasm for the day. I know he doesn't want to give me away to P